Subliminal Talk

Not exactly entrepreneurial stuff, but this is a journal after all.

I've now been training with kettlebells for a little over a year. At 176cm height, I went from 81kg to 65 and now I'm at ~70kg, quite clean.

I was a vegetarian (borderline vegan) throughout the year and I felt great. I still had 2.2g/kg of plant based protein. I'm now wondering if I can include animal products again (mostly for protein) and still feel as good or even better.

Yesterday was the first day I ate meat, I've eaten about 1.2kg of meat since then. I'm feeling more confident today, not sure if that's the reason... but I'm okay with never finding out.

As far as entrepreneurship is concerned, I'm happy with my results, growth is happening... and when I have some really cool numbers, I'll be sure to share.

Just discovered that a local startup accelerator is actually looking for new startups to fund. To top it off, they now offer a bigger sums of money in exchange for the same modest share in the company.

So, starting today, I'm putting everything else on the back-burner and I'm starting to work on a prototype for a startup I've had in mind for quite a while.

I determined there are two ways to go about it - either write it in Python + Django (in which I'm proficient) and have it be... decent enough, maybe even good...

... or learn Node.js and Meteor.js on the fly and make it the way I envision it.

Needless to say... I've started learning Node.js today. I'm giving myself a week at most before I start writing the actual code and a maximum of 10 more days before I have a good looking (actually shooting for jaw-dropping) working prototype. I'm simultaneously searching for at least one good local programmer.

I have until the end of April to apply for financing, but I know I can be ready much sooner.

Seems like I was right to start working on this prototype. Not just from a practical point of view, but also in terms of personal growth.

The more work I put in, the more I'm aware of how much my foot has been on the break. It feels like unresolved shame, actually.

Right now I'm
- learning a new programming language on a tight deadline
- bulding a prototype for a startup, while its key goals and mission statement keeps changing several times a day
- I'm looking for programmers to actually take that work off my plate once financing is acquired (and having them on board will make it more likely that I'll get it)
- And not too long from now I'll have to pitch in front of investors for the first time based on what I've cooked up. And then, I'll ask them to give me somewhere between 40k and 100k euro. (depending on how confident I am by then )

Overall, I'm not surprised that some "I can't do it" beliefs are resurfacing, lol.

I have more passion than ever because of tackling this emotion over and over, but it takes quite a bit of time in meditation / sedona releasing/ etc. to actually process and clear it out.

I find myself wishing I was running the EPRHA 2.0, since that state-shifting tech sounds exactly like what I would need to keep me working. Stage 3 of BASE is where it's at, instead, which probably still helps... a lot.

I keep running on 5-6 hours of sleep for the last few days and I keep pushing through limitations that I never bothered to question.

It's funny how it doesn't feel "better" as much as it feels... demanding. As if I can't afford the luxury to stop questioning and growing. The actual work I'm doing is just an afterthought.

The overall vision on how the startup should evolve is now in place. I'm confident that I have enough programming skills to make this prototype happen in a great way, probably the best way possible.

A programmer friend even offered his help just because he liked my idea, he was curious about the implementation and he wanted to help. That's co-founder talk.

Tomorrow I start building.

The prototype is already coming together. A few more days and it will be ready, looking good. At some point I'll have to stop adding new stuff, but the better it looks, the easier I can justify asking for more money.

In other news, I figured out my biggest excuse for passing up on an opportunity - "it might be boring", lol.

Being bored is a huge turn-off for me and just recently I realized it's rooted in fear. And here was I, thinking it's because I'm so intelligent, lol.

I'm realizing that the only way for true excitement in my life is to become deeply invested in what I do. Whatever. that. is. Boredom, then, is really just an illusion.

There's some inevitability to everything I do lately. It's like I'm either going to do it now and have my life unfold... or I'm going to do it later anyway and suffer until then.

Quite inspiring, actually.

The sun is shining, birds are singing... while I'm putting the final touches to my startup prototype. It might not be my place to say it, but it looks (and sounds) stylish as fvk.

I'll have to consider if any more features will make the prototype more impressive/convincing for the investors. I still have a whole month ahead of me to apply.

Tonight I'll hear from a very talented full stack developer that I'd like to bring in at least part-time (and eventually full-time after a second round of financing), so fingers crossed.

Groovy stuff! As a full stack developer myself I enjoy hearing success stories (or at least stories of inevitable success) re webapp prototypes.

(03-29-2016, 08:21 AM)apollolux Wrote: [ -> ]Groovy stuff! As a full stack developer myself I enjoy hearing success stories (or at least stories of inevitable success) re webapp prototypes.

Haha, thanks! We've yet to see how inevitable it actually is.

I'm going to do everything in my power, that's for sure.

In other news, the full-stack developer I mentioned doesn't seem to be interested, though. There's a cliché that everyone thinks they have a book inside them, just waiting to come out. Well, every programmer I've talked to thinks they have a start-up in them. I'm not getting through to them and I may need to change my strategy.

To top it off, the last two days of mine were filled with computer problems. My desktop doesn't want to load Windows and insists on formatting my whole hard drive (not just one partition) in order to reinstall. My external hard drive with all my backups failed two weeks ago, and I also discovered my 5-year-old Intel i3 laptop's not working either.

On the other hand, Linux installs flawlessly and that's what I'm running now until I find a new external hard drive. I wish I could run Linux exclusively, but... well, it really doesn't seem to work as one unit the way Windows does. It seems like too much effort spent on stuff that doesn't seem to matter in the end.

On the bright side, I got two full days of close-to-zero work and most of it spent outside... running around my city, looking for a computer store that can actually fix my laptop. Still, that's the first time I was outside before 7PM for this month... the world sure seems different during the day.

Still, the weather was great and I had a great chat (and got the number) of a cute girl that turned out to be just as intelligent. I'd go back to daytime approaching more often... but the third run of BASE has to run its course first.

I still haven't made up my mind whether I should keep running BASE. This run has a much more visible impact on me than the previous two runs, but EPRHA 2.0 sounds really awesome as well.

If there's one area where my progress with BASE is deep and unmistakable, this is my improvement as an expert in my areas of interest. Before I used to have a few friends and acquaintances, with whom I was able to speak relatively on the same level regarding these areas of knowledge.

I try to talk with them on those subjects right now... and I'm stunned at how much deeper and fuller my understanding is. It might sound a bit narcissistic, but they don't seem to have any earthly idea how to appreciate what I can offer in these contexts. Maybe I need to move around my social circles, but I'm also getting a sneak peak of what it would be to run BAMM, where that type of programming seems to be much more intense.

I adjusted my strategy on getting a co-founder... and it took me less than 24 hours before I already had 2 guys lined up. I had worked with one of them on another project before, so we already had some understanding developed - naturally I chose him.

Still a lot of details to figure out, but they seem to be just that - details. It's going to be really fun.

In other news... I started reading fiction books. No, I'm not turning my journal into a blog - this has real significance in terms of growth. The last time I did this was when I had to read some books for high school more than 10 years ago.

The thing is that I never understood the merits of using my imagination for its own sake - as it was the case with reading fiction books. Now, I'm learning to do it anyway, and I'm finding out all kinds of practical benefits to it that I never imagined. I may go into more detail on that in another post though, I've had enough excitement for one day as it is.

This post will be all about inner stuff, don't read if you want to read an entrepreneurial diary. Or maybe do read, it's still related to entrepreneurship... somewhat.

I enjoy posting actual progress reports here, but now I realized something I need to process internally.

I did an Enneagram test a while back and turned out I had type 7. One thing about the description resonated with me a lot... type sevens constantly seek new experiences, to counter any neglect and abuse they carry from their childhood. Their biggest fear is one of boredom, stagnation and being limited.

Well, I can easily see this being the case with this startup I've been preparing. I did a lot of work over the last few weeks... I literally didn't believe I could learn a programming language (and framework) from scratch and create a beautiful prototype in 3-4 weeks. Well, I had the temptation of experiencing something different (running a startup) and I was running towards my goals at full speed, enjoying every minute of it.

I now have a technical co-founder and everyone I talk to is fairly convinced that I will acquire financing based on what I've done thus far. At this point, in my mind this startup begins to settle in as the new status quo... and I'm finding myself having a bit of trouble keeping up my motivation.

Some very deep stuff will have to be unraveled if I'm going to be able to do this.

The last couple of days... it's been a rollercoaster ride. I'm alternating between pure excitement ("OMG, this is going to be a great startup, I'm going to be a superstar") and absolute regret ("How could I ever think this would work").

There's also a period where I'm making breakthroughs yet I feel absolutely emotionless... as if the successes barely register. Work is so effortless, I literally feel fear that my ego will disappear.

Right now is such a point in time for me. The prototype is elegantly turning out to be much better and more impressive than I would have anticipated. Cause for excitement? Well... no, because challenges never seem to seize and I only seem to care about conquering them.