Subliminal Talk

Stage 2, day 15

I'm hitting great amounts of resistance in the last few weeks. Procrastination has gone way up and I can't seem to motivate myself or focus on doing anything productive. I've been thinking of using brainwave entrainment to solve that problem, but I always seem to forget, which I can also attribute to resistance.
Well, probably things have to get worse before they can get a lot better. I'm exposing myself to the subliminal regularly, though, so hopefully I'll get to a breakthrough soon.

Otherwise, I can now easily see how wrong I was in my approach with people before. As a result I'm witnessing myself developing more inspiring and challenging (in a good way) relationships. It still feels a bit unnatural to me, but that will go away with time.

any updates Ivaylo?

Hi, zen

I've decided to mostly use this journal to process things. Writing them in front of me seems like a great way to do that. However, this also means less entries, but hopefully more honest and useful to others.

So, I overcame my lack of productivity about 12 days ago. I was very productive for about a week. Then, there was this entrepreneurship get-together event, there was alcohol and a girl involved, and on the next day I just didn't feel like working. That extended to about 4 days of total non-productivity, playing "Dead State", which I was waiting to come out for a long time. Now I'm getting back on track again.

I'm truly having fun learning and doing my job as an entrepreneur. Old habits kick in and try to distract me from time to time. Sometimes, obviously, they succeed. But I know it's not in my best interest - not financially and not emotionally. Playing games can be fun for a while, and probably still will be in moderation, but I find that no game is as fulfilling to me as the challenge to create and ever-improve great/successful products and services. I'm just as hungry for this now as I was 5 days ago about playing Dead State.

In terms of actual work, I killed one of the two projects I've had in mind when I started BASE. It was a race for who can get to a working solution for the problem first. Well, add an infantile programmer, who can't keep his word to save his life, to the equation and it's easy to figure out why the project is dead. I take full responsibility for hiring the wrong person, of course. The other project, though, should be ready in two weeks maximum.

I'm working on something completely different now, and probably I'll have to use kickstarter to fund it. It should be a low-to-medium sized project in terms of programming work. I first need to figure out how to best use the money I get, though.
I still feel a bit like a fish out of the water when it comes to hiring people to do programming for me. Friends and acquaintances, whom I can trust to a certain degree, all have jobs and not that much free time for other work. Paying someone anonymous (to me) on the web still doesn't guarantee results plus the added risk of being scammed. After all, the web developer will know my website's vulnerabilities. There have to be ways to minimize the risk, and that's one of the things I'm going to research.

I'm definitely making progress with being a leader on my own, but I'm still at that stage where an overwhelming amount of new things for me to consider pop up every day. At some point this storm has to subside, or at least become manageable, but it's not going to be right now.

Stage 3 starts in about a week. A lot of stuff from stage 2 is not present there, the most obvious things for me being "Ultra Success" and "Laser like focus and concentration". We'll see how that plays out.

It looks like that BASE is the new WM.
I like your journal because I work at the same field.best of luck.

Great to see another SEO/IMer here. Thanks for the wishes!

Regarding the comparison with WM, I have thought about that as well. BASE focuses a lot on social skills, so there's probably room for comparison with WM. BASE also makes me learn new things every day, everything I learn is more structured and I have great confidence talking about those subjects. This all can make for very interesting conversations, which aside from the professional benefits, can also work to solidify an initial attraction with some types of girls.

However, I don't think I'll develop into a playboy and an entrepreneur at the same time, although the thought has crossed my mind. My confidence as a human being and as an entrepreneur has improved a lot, but the same cannot be said about being a playboy, as far as I can tell. Confidence comes with action and experience (and subliminal programming ), and I'm not actively working toward becoming a playboy. I would expect that WM will push people a lot more in that general direction and get better results faster.

Last day of stage 2 for me. Strangely enough, I appear to be much more emotionally stable internally, although it might look different from the outside.

Shannon's feedback in Quote's thread put a lot of details from my experience into perspective. I'm resisting forgiveness, that's for sure. Forgiveness in this case means allowing other people to do things, that seem unproductive. It seems that it has to be self-forgiveness as well, since I was the one to choose to associate with such behaviors and waste, literally, years doing them. Forgive and take responsibility for yourself - that seems to be the way out of this.

Another insight I got was regarding my procrastination issues from this month. The thing is, I was only playing games, that got me to manage stuff. Dead state is somewhat of a managerial game. While playing it in and of it self isn't productive to business, I believe it gave me the training wheels I needed to start my way to becoming a manager. I find it completely non-interesting now (although I'm probably halfway through), because I'm ready for a larger context, in which to practice my managerial skills. I might (and probably will) screw up a lot, but I'm ready for it and I'm guessing that's what BASE was leading me towards. In a way, I was right - it was resistance, but there was also growth taking place.

I'm not going to list any changes I'm witnessing, because my sight is firmly on my goals and vision. I truly don't care how exactly I'm changing, as long as I reach my goals and keep my integrity. I guess that's still reporting a change, because I didn't use to be like that. Anyway, stage 3 starts tomorrow.

(12-18-2014, 10:37 AM)Ivaylo Wrote: [ -> ]Last day of stage 2 for me. Strangely enough, I appear to be much more emotionally stable internally, although it might look different from the outside.

Shannon's feedback in Quote's thread put a lot of details from my experience into perspective. I'm resisting forgiveness, that's for sure. Forgiveness in this case means allowing other people to do things, that seem unproductive. It seems that it has to be self-forgiveness as well, since I was the one to choose to associate with such behaviors and waste, literally, years doing them. Forgive and take responsibility for yourself - that seems to be the way out of this.

Another insight I got was regarding my procrastination issues from this month. The thing is, I was only playing games, that got me to manage stuff. Dead state is somewhat of a managerial game. While playing it in and of it self isn't productive to business, I believe it gave me the training wheels I needed to start my way to becoming a manager. I find it completely non-interesting now (although I'm probably halfway through), because I'm ready for a larger context, in which to practice my managerial skills. I might (and probably will) screw up a lot, but I'm ready for it and I'm guessing that's what BASE was leading me towards. In a way, I was right - it was resistance, but there was also growth taking place.

I'm not going to list any changes I'm witnessing, because my sight is firmly on my goals and vision. I truly don't care how exactly I'm changing, as long as I reach my goals and keep my integrity. I guess that's still reporting a change, because I didn't use to be like that. Anyway, stage 3 starts tomorrow.

just wanted to drop in and say I am enjoying seeing your changes. It is motivating me to start BASE too in 2015. No need to work for corporate scandalous empires that treat you like shit when you could be the king of your own domain -- make your own hours, make your own money, never have to worry about job interviews, take your own vacations, etc. Keep em coming

Thanks, I'm glad it's useful to you.

The goals you're describing, in and of themselves, could very well describe a freelancer, rather than an entrepreneur. BASE is going to want a lot more out of you than just what it takes to become self-employed, at least in my experience. Check out the list of features in BASE, (which is in the large BASE thread around page 9, I think) and see if you are willing to make those changes and deal with the consequences, or you just want to not have a boss.

I might actually post an update, it's been 9 days since the last one.

Okay, so the main growth in the last week was related to forgiveness. Strangely enough, I found this personality trait I have, that I'm sort of a know-it-all. Always knew it was there, only recently did I realize it was holding me back in some areas.

That trait is not gone, not by a long shot. But it is milder, and this helps me not give a rat's ___ when I see someone doing something stupid. I'm still more than ready to assume a "teacher's position" when asked or even half-asked, though.

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I don't talk much about external successes, but here goes just a bit. The bigger project I'm working on is something I'm not going to discuss here for reasons, none of which have anything to do with my personal preference. I would much rather share it here and receive feedback, but it can't happen.

There are a few things about it I can share, though. It's going to include a web app, a desktop piece of software, as well as mobile apps for Android and iOS. I'm told that the functionality calls for natively built apps (is that the right term?) for the mobile platforms. Essentially, this means also knowing Java and Objective-C.

I'm actually pretty eager to learn both of them. I'm excited, because if I have the basic skills, I can improve as a programmer just by working with the actual programmers in the project. There's also the fact, that I will experience much better rapport with programmers if I can relate to them as a colleague. Up to now, I've learned Python as an introductory language without going too deep and I'm well on my way to becoming an intermediate-to-advanced in Javascript.

I'm estimating, that in 2 months I'll be quite comfortable with Javascript and also ready to write and understand Java. The Objective-C app I'll have to outsource completely and hope for the best. I don't need both apps to show-off the product in a kickstarter video and I can't afford to lose a lot of time. Usually, I wouldn't even bother doing so much work without doing some testing, but I'm focusing on programming skills first at the moment.

Two months is ideal for me, because by the time I've actually started putting together the Kickstarter page, I'll be at Stage 5 of BASE and all the leader programming will already have kicked in nicely, hopefully. I'll definitely be needing it, if and when my project gets funded. I'm growing right now, but there's still a lot waiting to happen.

Stage 3, Day 17

External changes seem to be happening all around me. I'm experimenting with cooking, hairstyles, I'm doing home improvement jobs and chatting up girls, that usually wouldn't be my type. I've nailed down my diet to a large extent. Next on the list are setting aside hard time for doing some exercise instead of doing so sporadically. Also, I'm learning to do my productive work based on circadian rhythms.

I'm guessing that willingness to experiment is a natural consequence of releasing at least some of the know-it-all-ness, especially with a subliminal playing in the background. New stuff keeps coming up, some of it hurts bad, and this has been going on since day 1 of this stage (the main upset happened before that though). There are a lot of positive moments for sure, but just when I think it's finally gone, it takes between a few hours and a day for me to be proven wrong.

I feel very much capable to dive into the emotions without taking them personally, but it does take time out of my schedule to process the bigger ones. It's definitely going to be worth it in the end, as the results are already happening. Emotionally, it still feels a bit hopeless, but that is of little importance since I know it will fade away eventually.

I am so excited for your improvements! I will start BASE next month ... and I can't wait anymore!

Thanks, zen! Looking forward to reading your journal as well.

So, where to start?
I'll start with my bigger current project, that is being prepared for kickstarter. Basically this was just an idea, that I started as part of an exercise in brainstorming. However, since that idea came up, I've been trying to poke holes in it for a very long time and it still stands! It not only stands, but I'm much more confident in developing it, since I'm seeing all kinds of positive validation that the idea is sound.
I would be A LOT more confident though, if there was a whole mastermind group that wanted to poke holes in it, but I currently don't belong to one. Maybe it should be on my list.

Maybe, as a suggestion to Shannon and the moderators, it's time that BASE got its own subforum in the Wealth category.

I can even see a point to having a private section for BASE (and BAMM) owners, which to serve the point of a mastermind group? An entry fee of $500 to $3000 will surely create an environment of dedicated people, who are comfortable sharing ideas there. We will also be reinforcing each other's programming in the process.

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Other stuff - a lot of people, whom I haven't met in a very long time, are popping up from everywhere. People from probably 3 (if not more) social circles, that I used to belong to, are showing up, interested. Some of them are already ambitious, some of them want to be persuaded to become ambitious (and they are beginning to realize it). And then some of them, and I don't mean to be sexist, are just girls. (did that sound sexist? ) Not that I don't enjoy working with females, but I wouldn't say this is their kind of interest.

The internal problem I'm seeing is that it's very easy for me to lose my footing. It only takes for me to hear somebody sharing an exciting idea, or to enjoy a new girl's company, and I lose track of where I'm going with my projects. This has happened at least 4 times in the last week, which is too much for my productivity. My guess is that I'm not handling stress properly and anything new is a welcome distraction. It annoys me as hell, which probably means it will be gone soon.

So I'm meeting a lot of people with valuable skills and interest, but I still wouldn't classify anyone as hire material. Either I'm just learning to filter people out, or I'm not yet a great salesman and manager. Also, stage 4 of BASE will guide me to create "a vision, that people want to be a part of". I'm guessing that will help also. Stage 4 starts in 5 days.

It seems that I forgot to summarize my experience with Stage 3 of BASE. Today is Day 1 of Stage 4, so I'm not too late. I can definitely say that all the experimenting that I mentioned before is producing effect.

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Health

In the first two months of running BASE, I didn't care that much what I ate. I ate clean foods, but I also ate a lot of them. So I had put on maybe about 10 pounds. I made changes to my diet about 4 weeks ago.

Right now, I can safely say that I've cleared those 10 pounds and maybe a bit more. My intention is to shake off another 15-20 pounds, which would put in me in pretty great shape, and then start bulking. A few things to put this into context:
- I was never bursting with motivation to work out, until now. However, I am seeking the challenge here. The challenge to feel and look the best I can. I still can't find a good enough emotional reason to work out, other than the fact that this challenge is appealing to me. This "reason" is more than enough.
- I'm eating tastier food than before (because I learned to cook a bit), I'm spending 2-3 times less money on food in general and I'm getting fitter and healthier.
- I'm not exercising by schedule, but I *am* exercising when I feel the psychological need to do so. I have 16, 24, 32kg kettlebells at home, which I can use whenever I want. I also have dumbbells for any other activity. Again, only in the last month did I start using exercise as a psychological stimulant, instead of just some chore that I had to do. All in all, I'm satisfied.

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Looks
I changed my hairstyle, and I'm very happy with my new one. Even without hair products, I get a lot of looks and flirting. That's probably because my hair is naturally wavy.

I'm also better at cultivating sexual energy and owning it, which is probably also a factor.

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Business
People are sharing their ideas with me, offering to work together. In most cases they're programmers. I'm still fairly inadequate to be left on my own as a programmer, but that doesn't seem to matter to them. They're doing all the coding job. I guess I bring the "soft skills" to the table, although it still feels a bit like cheating. I guess I'll have to get used to having it easy.

I'm half-joking, of course - there's a lot of work going on behind the scenes for me.

Otherwise, the project development process is a bit slow, mostly because I'm taking time to put my life together and learn to manage it. I'm also still learning the business specific skills. Therefore, progress toward business success is more likely to be exponential, rather than gradual.
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Social
Natural socialization really is natural, but only when interaction with a person is aligned with my goals. Socialization for its own sake is almost nonexistent for me.

There was this weird experience last night, where I was out with friends and even complete strangers kept looking me in the eye (in a social way) every time I look at them. It was as if they were studying me, expecting my next action. That happened in the streets as well, and I was pretty much focused on minding my own business.

It was weird, but I guess I'm commanding people's attention now. Cool! It remains to be seen whether this is going to be permanent, but I am already enjoying it.
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I would imagine that long posts such as this one are not the easiest to read for everyone. I've gotten used to 90 minute chunks of work and it would be impractical for me to post shorter posts more often. I also feel that posting less regularly enables anyone reading to track progress better. That was it from me for Stage 3.