Subliminal Talk

Stage 4, day 12

During Stage 3, there were a lot of opportunities for me to focus on my own interest and refuse to have my time wasted. Mostly, this has happened by "sensitive" friends and relatives, who are very easily offended/angered/etc.

Right now, this tendency is only getting deeper. People are getting offended at me because they can't manipulate me. For most people, I wouldn't care, it's their business. Yesterday, though, my father was in that position with me. I think his primary method of communication through the years used to be manipulation, and he felt disconnected from me and was beating himself up about it.

I used to have zero empathy for such people, but now I'm wondering if there should be a way to make it easier on them, especially when it comes to relatives. I will have to figure it out, and any help from you guys is appreciated. I'm guessing similar issues have come up during Alpha Male as well.

-----
In terms of business, there was a shift in my behavior. The big self-help project, that I keep mentioning, is no longer my top priority. When I started BASE, I was very much concerned with having a mission, focusing on long term goals, etc. Turns out it was just a way to try to compensate for an internal feeling of worthlessness, which is now gone. This project had become the business equivalent of a "oneitis", as defined in pickup.

I'm still going to make this project happen eventually, because I think a lot of people will enjoy this. But I'm much calmer and more indifferent about its outcome. I'm giving up on having a long-term goal for now. Instead, I'm focusing on projects, that are fun to me (while still very much able to make money), without concern for "changing the world". I think I'll have to practice success with the 'insignificant stuff' before I begin to think about contributing to society in a deeper way.

(02-01-2015, 12:51 PM)Ivaylo Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 4, day 12

During Stage 3, there were a lot of opportunities for me to focus on my own interest and refuse to have my time wasted. Mostly, this has happened by "sensitive" friends and relatives, who are very easily offended/angered/etc.

Right now, this tendency is only getting deeper. People are getting offended at me because they can't manipulate me. For most people, I wouldn't care, it's their business. Yesterday, though, my father was in that position with me. I think his primary method of communication through the years used to be manipulation, and he felt disconnected from me and was beating himself up about it.

I used to have zero empathy for such people, but now I'm wondering if there should be a way to make it easier on them, especially when it comes to relatives. I will have to figure it out, and any help from you guys is appreciated. I'm guessing similar issues have come up during Alpha Male as well.

-----
In terms of business, there was a shift in my behavior. The big self-help project, that I keep mentioning, is no longer my top priority. When I started BASE, I was very much concerned with having a mission, focusing on long term goals, etc. Turns out it was just a way to try to compensate for an internal feeling of worthlessness, which is now gone. This project had become the business equivalent of a "oneitis", as defined in pickup.

I'm still going to make this project happen eventually, because I think a lot of people will enjoy this. But I'm much calmer and more indifferent about its outcome. I'm giving up on having a long-term goal for now. Instead, I'm focusing on projects, that are fun to me (while still very much able to make money), without concern for "changing the world". I think I'll have to practice success with the 'insignificant stuff' before I begin to think about contributing to society in a deeper way.

How are luck magnifiers, ultra success, ultra motivation working for you ? Could you elaborate a little.

(02-01-2015, 01:08 PM)jonathan4all Wrote: [ -> ]How are luck magnifiers, ultra success, ultra motivation working for you ? Could you elaborate a little.

I'm not sure I can do a good job in elaborating, but here goes.

Luck magnifier
The issue for me is that I can't really dissect what luck is.

Is it lucky that random people are going out of their way to help you, or is it because you're being nice to them and exuding positive attitude?
Is it lucky that work feels effortless and people are working their ass off for you without apparent reason, or is it because you've built trust and you know how to motivate them?
Is it lucky, that you always have the right people to consult on every topic you're not clear on, or is it just that you've become more social in general?
Is it lucky, that people are buying your products, or is it because you're a good entrepreneur and you're good at doing research?
The answer is: I really don't know, and honestly - I don't care. I'm just following my goals.

Ultra Success
That one is still in the works, although success is a relative thing. Generally, I can say that if I started doing anything, I always feel successful upon completion. Either it's because I've learned from my mistakes or because I actually got good results and now I get to build on them.

Ultra Motivation
I'm very motivated constantly. Again, though, I don't think you can isolate the influence of motivation programming that successfully. I'm currently working on all kinds of projects, that I consider to be fun, and I can't wait for them to materialize. I'm just happy that I'm in an optimal state for work.

Your journal is pretty inspiring and full of real life experiences Ivaylo. One of my best friends is from Bulgaria, Chris, he lives in Paris now, just saying . I am already have started enjoying few things from BASE. I am in day 7, I went to club on Wednesday after 6 months. I kissed 3 girls (all French kiss lead to 8-10 minutes session, deep lip-lock). The girl I found most attractive I went to her and told "I wanna kiss you" she asked me "why" I said cause I have cancer and I found you most attractive. She said u r stupid. I said "that's why you should pet me for few minutes inside your lips". Few No No typical talking then we started kissing. My friend was with me, who is very stylish and good looking he was dumbfounded and asking "wth with you". Then I kissed a colleague of mine. then another then another and then another giving free cigarette from my friend. Just a reminder, I am a non-alcoholic person.

Financially, I am trying to learn forex and I am studying 6 to 8 hours after my work. Motivation is way better. But what I like about BASE is it's not only helping me to be productive but also being amazingly social where I need to be. Sorry to hack your journal but I can't refrain to share my experience while reading first few days of yours on BASE. Good luck.

I appreciate your input, Jonathan! It means a lot to me that you've found inspiration in this journal, since that was one of the reasons for me to start it in the first place. The story you told is pretty inspirational too. That's exactly my experience as well - I can be introverted as a hermit at one point (when I need to focus on work) and then be energetic and social in the next one if the situation requires it.

---
Quick update:
I'm focusing more heavily on improving productivity and organizational skills using the GTD (get things done) system. I'm meeting a lot of resistance, mostly because I've been consistently and forcibly pushing an enormous amount of thoughts outside of my awareness. That seems to be a form of self-abuse, but it was the best I could have done without a system to organize my projects, tasks and basically every piece of information in my life.

Getting organized is a form of releasing negative stress in itself, and as such, there is some resistance to change. Every bit of ground I gain in this battle is highly rewarding in terms of inner peace, so I'm just going to continue until I'm done.

I literally have no idea what to journal here anymore. But... I decided to give it a try anyway.

"Scale what works, ditch what doesn't."

I've been feeling the need to approach things more rationally for some time now. I'm guessing the TLAM script has something to do with this, because I keep finding myself drawn toward making money. I always thought, that I would learn to make money and then apply the skills in other areas, where I really think I can contribute to people's lives.

Turns out though, I'm a bit of a approval junkie. I like that people trust me with their money. I seem to like it a lot more than I actually care about what exactly I'm giving them, as long as they are happy. That seems to fly right in the face of any higher ideals, that I try to hold myself to. After all, if I'm just giving them what they want, I'm not changing their lives, am I? If anything, I'm reinforcing their current views of the world.

Still, I've decided to give up on these higher ideals. I'm willing to accept that they weren't right for me. Logically, it seems as if I'm just selling out, but I need some time off from beating myself up about it. I'm just going to do my thing, until a true higher purpose shows up. And if it doesn't, then I guess I'll just end up rich and unenlightened. Still a better fate than trying to make up false "higher purposes".

P.S. I find it strangely therapeutic to write all this stuff out. Really happy to have started this journal.

I'm continuously impressed by my own resilience when it comes to business achievement. I'm facing all kinds of problems while trying to realize my projects, and the pattern always remains the same - deep depression, which lasts for 1-2 hours, followed by a breakthrough and a bliss state as everything comes together again in a completely different way.

I'm now making it a point to push myself more toward my goals from now on. The more obstacles I remove, the faster I'll make my goals reality. It seems as if I've been avoiding those negative depressive emotions in fear, that they will suck me in. In reality, though, that is hardly the case - I always seem to be pushing through.

Stage 5, day 4

Since I've started stage 5, I've been drawn toward reaching a balance. I've been clearing all sorts of resistance, that has influenced my behavior. Maybe those behaviors were supposed to happen (since each stage is an open loop, that is later on closed), or maybe I was exhibiting plain old resistance.

From time to time, I still feel as if I'm pissing everybody off. In other times, I don't really care.
Still, I'm not sure if that's really true or if I'm just freaking out because I've left so much old stuff behind that I can't recognize my own personality anymore. Surely though, the new "me" is much better at managing people, working productively, reaching goals and in general setting the tone for my own life.

I just don't seem to be able to get excited about it. Probably I'll be able to do that when the dust settles in and I've grown more familiar to my new "me" (which is still changing).

(03-01-2015, 02:24 AM)Raz Wrote: [ -> ]I second the part about just not being able to get exited about the progress one is making.

I think the "Seek the Challenge" programming is taking care of that nicely.
Not being able to get excited, I think, would just mean that I have to wait (or dig deeper, in some cases) for the next set of challenges, desires and lessons to be learned.
I'm just going to enjoy the lack of excitement while it lasts, I see it as a deserved rest. It's dissolving for me already, though. Hopefully, it can last just a little bit longer.

There's an SEO service I should be releasing in the next few days (if everything goes according to plan). The thing is, I'm doing everything better than I ever imagined.
- The website looks great, web copy looks fantastic (nothing substitutes testing, but still).
- With some help from a programmer, I figured out how to automate almost everything. Right now, to a large extent, it's basically a button that you push to make money.
- Socially I find it effortless to open up new opportunities for myself.
- I've started a great new workout schedule (TACFIT Kettlebell Spetsnaz), that I enjoy a lot.
- My body has changed noticeably without me doing a lot of thinking about it.

Bottom line is, theoretically I should be happy. Yet, there's something missing. I am yet to see the bigger picture and how those abilities fit into it. I'm seeing this SEO project as finished, and I'm realizing it can make significant amounts of money, but I guess my definition of "significant" has changed.

I think I'm just bored, because I'm not aggressive enough in developing the projects to their full potential. I'm not outsourcing and I should be, no matter how good I've gotten. I'm not searching for funding, and I should be, because my circumstances are better than those of most of the entrepreneurs around here, and they often manage to secure funding. I'm a much better talker, persuader and presenter than most of them even before BASE, not to mention now.
Instead of doing those things, I'm spending time learning programming, web design, and all kinds of "interesting stuff", that is not what an entrepreneur is necessarily about. No matter how good I feel about being versatile, that's not the optimal way to make money OR make good products.

I'm really pissed at myself for behaving like a worker instead of an entrepreneur. I'm actually happy I'm pissed. That only means that a breakthrough is about to happen.

Recognition and upset is a good sign.

Thanks, Shannon, that has been my go-to mantra for the last few years every time I notice an upset.


I think it's time for an update. I'm posting even less regularly than before, mostly because most things I do feel effortless. That's a good thing in my book. Being upset, as well as being content seem to be just different versions of being stuck, regurgitating on a single thought.

I, on the other hand, don't seem to be doing either of those. I'm just making progress on my goals, relentlessly. I still need more physical rest than I allow myself and I wish I could squeeze in time for more social activities, but that's hardly a priority for me. Maybe the more work I begin to outsource, the more I'll be able to do that.

After my last rant, I turned a few things around, but not in the way I expected. I leaned more aggressively towards programming and started applying my skills. I began to write Python scripts, which automated a lot of the stuff, that I'm usually doing in SEO. I can safely say that some of the stuff I can do would seem to me like magic just a few months ago. Now, it takes me 1-2 days at most to write a 'magical' program that saves me a ton of work. If I keep going, I can probably learn to write such scripts in as little as 2-3 hours. Not sure if I would need to, but it's a nice feat.

Learning this still takes up a lot of my time, but I don't necessarily think I'm "behaving like a worker, instead of an entrepreneur" as I previously said. I may have legitimately needed to build my programming skills and confidence before I started outsourcing. I have much better understanding of how to write code correctly and efficiently. Therefore, I can assess how much time a programmer would really need (as opposed to "would like to have in order to goof off a little") to complete a project. I'm also a better judge of how much a certain project would cost.

I'm actually stunned how my confidence in programming can leak through to other areas, such as dealing with women. I used to think that learning programming would turn me into a geek, but that doesn't seem to hold up as true. It actually helped me embrace my logical side more, which in turn helps me allow for more emotionality in women. Which, of course, they love. The stereotype of the geeky anti-social programmer is definitely far from universal.

To sum up - I think I'll allow myself to delve into programming a little more. I'm still a tiny bit scared of becoming a geek without noticing, but it does allow me to assess certain situations better. Getting funding is the easy part.

I really like how you put your thoughts into words. I think you said that you are not a native English speaker but from the way you write I hardly say so.

Keep up the good work! You inspired me with the learning programming.

Hey Ivaylo, I've got a question for you since I'll soon start to learn programming too: why did you choose Python over Ruby? I'm considering both languages but don't know which way I should go