Complete: 40 days
Current AM6 sub
So I have completed my first sub,
which was ASC. I did think that maybe EPHRA would have been better first but nothing beats added confidence. Now I'm stuck in a really bad emotional state with all kind of shit thoughts, spending 90% my time escaping to my computer or drinking and smoking.
What I want to get out of this program is some emotional maturity and the feeling of stability inside and most of all to release those fears. My journal is open for everyone to comment and even suggested, I need some input and advice on the side.
I have finished my 1st day and I can say that not much has changed, I had an another panic attack the day before (3/4 days after my first one) and had to take some anti depressant. This has made me feel different than usual. Had some odd dreams, but didn't journal them so can't remember.
EDIT: I'm trying to be as open as I can in this journal, since I will probably see the changes best this way and who ever is interested in this program can see what it does.
Strangely when I read your post I don't see you as someone who has panic attack. Usually when someone is depress and not stable I can feel the resistance/depression through his word but not with you.
You can't expect things to change on the first say though. You might want to wait a little before
Good "luck" with this sub, I hope I see you soon on the AM6 ride, take your time.
Thanks for your input Maniac,
Well I guess I have built quite the mask on myself over the years, I've tried to hide everything behind a smile avoiding conflict and being the nice guy. Well I guess that has taken me more away from the real me (Alpha, Hell yeah!) than I want to be. Now I'm in a place between the rock and bottom of a well or something.
The thing is that I actually don't want them to change with one day, that would be too much of a hop and I wouldn't know where the change comes from, which wouldn't give me the feeling of confidence in my long term change. In order to feel confident that I have truly changed I guess I need exactly what that program promises to do: Show me the errors of my past and slowly bring on the change
I skipped yesterday completely since I went out and drank way too much again. So today I started from day 1.
Dreams: This was an interesting journey, to make it short I saw that I had found some sort of a place that had hidden paintings (of which one was worth like $10m). I went to find a buyer for the most expensive one and then I suddenly forgot where they were. I kept searching all over the place only to find myself in a basement in the middle of nowhere. In the basement there was a metal bath that had a fat woman whose head was cut off, and weirdly enough I don't remember being afraid. Then the owner came with a whole lot of friends and I somehow started talking in a kissass manner (and started feeling some strong fear and insecurity), trying to fit in and stuff. That's when I woke up. One heck of a weird dream.
In real life I guess I haven't noticed much yet, maybe a bit more relaxed.
EDIT: this is in the wrong place, someone move it to Men's journals please.
Ok done.
It will be interesting to see your results, i've read a few good things about this program.
-Ben
Thanks Ben,
So, on to day 3.
Yesterday I had a very weird dream about my grandmother dieing in my arms, which made me almost cry in my dreams but not quite. She was enjoying life a lot more than usual and doing things a young person would do and then thought her leg broke but started dieing instead. She's 84 in life. Felt depressed and weirdly sad the whole morning.
I think what has changed so far is that I don't stay angry for as long as I used to with ASC. My subconscious hasn't revealed much yet but it's only the 3rd day so I guess I'll keep listening and not thinking about it too much.
Besides the program I do have a few questions. Does the LTU have EPRHA in it? I kind of need a boost to do anything else but sit at home behind my pc.
And there's a saying "no pain no gain", would it apply to subs as well? say if LTU has ogf and it generally works by boosting your motivation, optimism and energy. Would it work as well as the ogf in EPHRA or AM6 since it takes you through rough patches?
Day 4:
I thought about not posting very often, but I feel some positive changes with the sub. First of all when I woke up I kind of felt at peace, it's quite a good feeling, not very positive or very negative but just between there, floating.
I feel less fearful about things, even though I am not being faced by many just thinking about them is much easier. For example going to work was always the worst thing I could imagine, but since yesterday I don't feel much negativity towards work, just that I need money and working for it is ok.
Had 2 odd dreams:
I was walking around with 2 of my friends and some guy comes up wanting to fight us. We start fighting him one by one for a few rounds, my best friend gets nearly choked. I however seem to be doing quite well, except the fights were as girly as they can get and he didn't seem to hit me much. Oddly I think I was trying to do as much damage without him getting mad and going berserk, which I can relate to my behavior patterns a bit.
2nd dream was about us being around and 3 girls show up. I was the one who approaches first, saying nothing, just tagging along. I was acting in a complete approval seeking way, not saying a word except if they asked me something. And then answering like I was trying to look indifferent, but actually seeking approval.
Day 5:
First day at work, by the way this is a place I've worked at for 3 past summers. This year I suddenly felt different from all the other years, I feel more chatty, I'm less of a rug (too much a nice guy), confidence is quite high and generally feel like I fit in more. Definitely something from my ASC experience is shining through and I give credit to EPRHA for making me more emotionally mature I guess.
I just get over things faster whereas I used to dwell forever if someone told me to do something I didn't want to do. Now if I do something and feel like I'm being bossed around by coworkers, I try to respond accordingly which has NEVER happened before. Not all times though, but certainly more than before, since I'd just swallow it up and do it feeling rage inside before.
If only 32 days of ASC and 5 days of EPRHA can do that then I can't wait to see what AM6 can do! One of the reasons if not the only one why I even went to get the job. Now I'm counting my euros toward 366 (which is 500$).
Oh god I'm loving this sub!
Day 6: Feeling amazing, had this euphoric sensation at around lunch time for 10-20 min.
Everything seems to be going more peacefully, I did feel some resentment towards coworkers at some point but it dissipated rather quick. My resilience seems to be stronger, for example my boss likes to make fun of me sometimes saying some crap and I didn't respond or laugh and didn't feel anything towards the situation. Normally I would have laughed with that and then feel the hate inside burning up. I haven't slept much past 2 days and even with that I felt quite ok today, except the day was long and boring (4 hours yesterday, 5h 30 today).
I have found some deep fears surfacing, not in a way that I feel them strongly now, but I acknowledge they are there. Like fear of conflict, intimacy. Shame of having been of a certain religion and because of that still be virgin, shame of not being able to stand up for myself and trying to brush it off with passive aggressive attitude, or just pull on an angry face if I feel like I've been treated badly. I guess it's good to write those things down here so I can cut open the shell bit by bit and by the end of the sub, AM can install the roots deeper and stronger.
On one side I am so badly waiting to use AM6, on the other I'm curious of what EPRHA can do for me before hand. I guess the best thing is that it will lower the resistance and make OGF less rough of a ride in AM6.
In those past 6 days I haven't had any bad days yet like I've heard people report, maybe I'm just so used to the depressed fearful days that even the ones from this program feel better. Doesn't matter.
Day 7:
Nothing much up today, feeling a bit depressed again. fifa finals got quite boring on second half and then out of the blue Germany wins with an epic goal.
I keep reading journals, just don't want to post since I feel like I'm so much behind on self growth compared to others and got nothing meaningful to say.
Looking back to my ASC journey, I feel like I would have gotten much more out of it if I'd stuck to it for longer, since the last days of the end I'd felt something like resistance and if I'd kept on going, the breakthrough would have paid off. I guess I'll try to make sure it wont happen with this sub.
I keep thinking back to the time when I first seemed to have gotten my life together, by using some simple 3 sentence subs, meditation, LOA and generally practiced a lot of gratitude and positive thinking. I guess it felt good. I was present more and saw life with colors n shit. Well actually not shit. Until this constant rejection and people stepping on me broke me down.
I guess I'm trying to deal with these issues on more deeper level now and hope to get more permanent results.
(07-13-2014, 02:51 PM)Natious Wrote: [ -> ]I keep thinking back to the time when I first seemed to have gotten my life together, by using some simple 3 sentence subs, meditation, LOA and generally practiced a lot of gratitude and positive thinking. I guess it felt good. I was present more and saw life with colors n shit. Well actually not shit. Until this constant rejection and people stepping on me broke me down.
Sounds to me like you're seeing exactly what has worked for you, which is good! It means you have a heading, rather than a confused delirium.
Don't worry about posting, what matters is that YOU are doing what you can for yourself, not how you look to us, or anybody, for that matter.
(07-13-2014, 03:34 PM)SargeMaximus Wrote: [ -> ]Sounds to me like you're seeing exactly what has worked for you, which is good! It means you have a heading, rather than a confused delirium.
Don't worry about posting, what matters is that YOU are doing what you can for yourself, not how you look to us, or anybody, for that matter.
Thanks Sarge, that means a lot.
I guess I just used the LOA principle wrong by not handling my emotional health correctly. I wouldn't want to be that way again though, I want to feel more whole and have a very strong base emotional health and confidence. For now I just want to hop on the AM6 bandwagon to see what all the fuzz is about.
Now on to day 9:
Amazing! pretty much describes my opinion of this sub, Shannon, you are one great sob for making these incredible subs. Truly grateful!
To start off, today I felt this incredible resilience to people giving me crap, I had no reaction what so ever when my boss was yelling with his testicles crawling up to his stomach. I was staying calm and just kept moving at a relaxed slow pace with no change on my facial expressions. Seemed to me that he's just making himself look stupid and laughed in my head.
I also feel like my emotional state is getting slowly better and more stable. I didn't feel especially happy, but I didn't try fake smiling either, I absolutely enjoyed the internal peace and feeling of indifference. In some way I even feel more Alpha which seems a bit odd to me. Maybe it's because I did ASC and now the effects of the sub seem to shine through more.
An another interesting thing I noticed was that my emotional/mental energy seems to get depleted slower, usually I would feel really sluggish/tired and can't keep my physical balance very well, tripping on everything and not walking properly. Focusing has also become a bit easier.
To top it off, I'm more social at work, only 2 people I don't especially like.
I still have a long way to go with this sub, but I'm surprised by the fast improvement I've been seeing. I definitely recommend new people to start with this sub. I also now understand why Shannon recommends people to go outside and socialize when using subs, it really brings out the difference in your behavior.
EDIT: Wanted to add something that I forgot, I seem to see through peoples bs quite easily. It's amazing how people try to control others and go to such extent to do so, but end up looking like miserable betas trying to compensate for their lack of confidence due to deep issues.
EDIT again: I forgot to add that I quit smoking and drinking the day I started this sub, so I've been sober and smoke free for 9 days!
Can anyone enlighten me on the resistance subject a bit more, or post a link to a topic? I read about people tapping it etc. Actually I'm not even sure what resistance feels like, it's like those negative feeling states? angry, depressed etc?
Up for that post above. This is the very first time I've heard that subliminal can be resisted.
In dictionary it self subliminal means beyond the threshold and subliminal audio is where the suggestions only aiming at the subconscious mind.
We all know that the subconscious is absolutely literal. It receive every programming and applying it to our thinking structure.
Beside Shannon's way of reinforcing the idea of resistant and making the "resistant by passer" doesn't it makes the user conscious about it?
Indirectly it can create mental block.
*Please more enlightenment XD
To my understanding it somehow brings the resistance to the conscious level. Like you start mental chatter on reasons why you can't be what the sub is trying to direct you toward and thus making you feel all sorts of negative emotions.
But I have to disagree with "we all know", since subconscious is very complicated and we know little about it. Which is why we have so much to look forward to in the future days.
I might be wrong on all of the above though
And love your sig
Edit:
(10-28-2013, 01:15 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I suggest that:
You don't do anything that will lead to expectations being put on you, by yourself or others (such as keeping a journal of progress). Conscious response to expectations tends to work against the success of the program, especially the expectations of others. Just let it go, use it and forget about the whole process.
I guess the best way to let it work is not to get attached to the results and stop expecting something specific to happen. So basically making goals for the sub would make it less effective?