(08-03-2014, 04:33 AM)Natious Wrote: [ -> ]I think the fear, guilt and shame really are disappearing, I just don't use my lack of them very wisely. Might need to start AM6 sooner than I thought.
Edit: I think I challenged my father and brother by doing what I explained earlier. They both kind of liked that girl a lot, she's a 10 and wealthy as ****. The problem is though that there's no possible way that I can go out with her without messing up the already bad relationship with my brother.
Don't start to quick. Chip's fall perfectly in a perfect time
When I said challenge, what I mean is the subliminal challenge. Your father is against you of buying a $500 subliminal, so you ask your father to use a subliminal without him knowing what it is. I do believe the subliminal is Alcohol 4G.
(08-03-2014, 04:38 AM)AlphaMind Wrote: [ -> ] (08-03-2014, 04:33 AM)Natious Wrote: [ -> ]I think the fear, guilt and shame really are disappearing, I just don't use my lack of them very wisely. Might need to start AM6 sooner than I thought.
Edit: I think I challenged my father and brother by doing what I explained earlier. They both kind of liked that girl a lot, she's a 10 and wealthy as ****. The problem is though that there's no possible way that I can go out with her without messing up the already bad relationship with my brother.
Don't start to quick. Chip's fall perfectly in a perfect time
When I said challenge, what I mean is the subliminal challenge. Your father is against you of buying a $500 subliminal, so you ask your father to use a subliminal without him knowing what it is. I do believe the subliminal is Alcohol 4G.
It's actually EPRHA, which he doesn't use as much as it's needed. I do however see some small improvements, like he doesn't talk the way he used to talk when we drink and go out. He's more fun and looks more "real". But since he doesn't use it as I asked him to, I will buy the sub anyways and tell him not to give me his BS.
That's great!
How long will you spend time EPRHA after this?
(08-03-2014, 04:47 AM)AlphaMind Wrote: [ -> ]That's great!
How long will you spend time EPRHA after this? You do know that a new ASC will be released right? 
First I thought that when BASE comes out I'll drop EPRHA that moment and start doing BASE. I will do EPRHA for at least 32 days and see then, but since EPRHA is covered in AM, there's no real point for me to continue using it time wise. Yeap I did think of doing ASC if it comes out first, and if it's as effective as Shannon so far believes it is, then I'll use it until he updates AM6 to AM7. So I'm a bit unsure until ASC comes out
Day 31 (missed a day otherwise it'd be 32): Came to realize something. I think I have completely lost being in touch with myself. I used to care so much for other people, now I feel so selfish and do things that hurt others. I don't do them on purpose but rather because I feel like everyone is trying to show themselves be superior to/using me in one way or another.
I can see more and more what's wrong with me, but EPRHA doesn't seem to help me take the necessary steps. I never knew how to stand up for myself besides being with passive attitude trying to laugh it off and then feel utterly insecure, now that has changed into a passive aggressive attitude.
I won't be staying on EPRHA for much longer, I think AM can help me way more with these problems. I did tell myself I'll be on eprha for a month and then reevaluate.
EPRHA has brought up so many things all of a sudden that they are overwhelming me. I know PSTEC sounds like something I should do, but there's something that's holding me back from doing that. There's this desperate urge to find something stimulating to do at all times, everything that's not is like dragging myself on the ground using one hand.
I think the reason it has been so tough for me is because I have way more baggage than I initially dared admitting myself. It all comes from repressing everything year after year, hiding in games and drugs (which I haven't done for 2 years now). The drug part I might not have mentioned before. All of this is a bit difficult to admit to myself, but it's essential for any future steps to be made.
I'm not sure where I will be in a year, heck I can't see where I will be in a month or even a week. At the moment I don't care much, all I want to do is to escape.
I will keep listening to the sub for now and then suddenly purchase AM when I get paid. Oh yes, I quit yesterday.
I'm feeling very negative past year and a bit more ( I don't even want to read my own posts) and I think it's time to start changing that. LTU might produce faster results toward positivity, but if AM6 does the same, there's no point delaying the inevitable.
A last word would be that I think EPRHA has peeled off a lot of false images and masks and it's a bit terrifying to see all the negativity within. I have been told that I'm negative even when I thought I had been the most positive in my life. Which can only mean that I tried too hard to look positive all the time, but actually wasn't. I guess I've realized that before because I always thought of myself as an amazing actor in real life and kind of the reason why I would be a good actor in the business too, never really said it out loud though.
I've came to learn with my experience, that healing takes time and maybe ERPHA will make you take the neccessary steps if you allow it and give it some more time.
It is very good that you are starting to notice your weakness and the things that you want to improve in yourself. Indeed the first step of changing something is by noticing that it is something you want to change!
You should also try to be more kind towards yourself ( I know that's a hard one)
You are doing a good job! You deserve a nice path on the back.
(08-06-2014, 04:39 PM)Red_Panda Wrote: [ -> ]I've came to learn with my experience, that healing takes time and maybe ERPHA will make you take the neccessary steps if you allow it and give it some more time.
It is very good that you are starting to notice your weakness and the things that you want to improve in yourself. Indeed the first step of changing something is by noticing that it is something you want to change!
You should also try to be more kind towards yourself ( I know that's a hard one)
You are doing a good job! You deserve a nice path on the back.
Thanks Panda for the pat
It's only logical that so many things can't be changed in so little time. I guess it feels good to think of it as the first solid step I've taken towards complete change.
About EPRHA, I will be sticking with it for a bit more, maybe 10 days maybe more, don't really know. The real reason for starting AM6 is that it composes of most EPRHA components already, so I wouldn't be stopping EPRHA. I would just have some additional benefits like confidence that I could use right now or a more masculine body language.
I read your journal couple of days ago and I noticed we both are hitting walls at the moment, so just keep the sledgehammer handy and keep at it
You are welcome!
Yeah exactly I think the best way is to break the goal down to smaller pieces and just take one day at a time and reward ourselves for even the smallest changes. That will keep us on the track
AM6 will definitely help you with this too.
I have also been thinking of switching to something that covers more like LTU or AF but I am going to give this sub a bit longer time like 1-2 months more since I am hitting this wall.
And yeah there is no other option than to just keep on going and break it down
I said I won't journal, but I just remembered one of my dreams that awoke me:
Lots of blood involved, it was hard to remember the specifics but it was like a bloody war with people using knives and curved short shords mostly. There was no more than around 4 people including me and my fighting style was trying to avoid contact, but attack when the enemy seems the most vulnerable. I woke up when I was lying on the ground and someone cut my throat. Just thinking of it brings on chills.
The interesting thing is that I didn't wake up in sweat and fear, but rather in some odd state, maybe even a bit peaceful. Just the moment before waking up I felt this itchy feeling what you get when you cut your finger on my throat.
This dream was weird and I think it implies to some sort of a change. Not really sure what though.
I've been listening for around 19-21 hours daily and don't seem to get as many results. Yesterday I listened for around 15-16 hours and I think it shows better. I might try doing 16 hours a day then.
I had alot of fighting dreams when I did Alpha 2011, nearly every night initially in the first few stages.. it's definately a good sign of something changing inside you.
-Ben
(08-07-2014, 04:16 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]I had alot of fighting dreams when I did Alpha 2011, nearly every night initially in the first few stages.. it's definately a good sign of something changing inside you.
-Ben
Have had quite a few of those recently, I fought my best friend in one of my dreams. He has been in brawls constantly throughout his life, but not me. Basically how it went was that I threw a punch, he threw 2 back, I threw another one and we stopped, laughed and everything was fine.
Hum, I was having recurring fighting dreams with a close friend of mine that I don't see eye to eye with while doing ASC 5G. So far EPRHA has been more mellow, I did had sex with my ex in a dream witch is a little weird but at least I woke up feeling great.
Day 36: Thing seem to be going on the same low state. I am starting to think that even if EPRHA is good at bringing up all the negative emotions, I don't currently have what it takes to move on from that. I'm not really sure what I want to do to make things better.
I wonder if EPRHA has some sort of a release script in it that hasn't set in yet. I mean I can feel all the depression, anxiety and stuff but they keep floating there endlessly.
That's all for now.
EDIT: what kind of bothers me is that I read in someone's post something like "we are all just reprogrammable biomachines". And I have thought about it before. It is so easy to program yourself to be more in a certain way if you have the right tools and it kind of changes the "scientific mambo jumbo" about how you are programmed as a kid, you will stay forever or what we get in the gene lottery is what determines the way we will fit in the society. I got to say that I don't have the best genes, but I also don't want this to determine how successful I will be in life and by success I don't just mean financial wealth. I want to make a difference and create something, not to be someone who can provide a service, get paid for the hours I've provided that service and then use the money to survive.
That is one of the reasons why I am not too sure about AM+SM combo. Yes I do want to have a good social life, surrounded by women and feeling like James Bond (writing that sentence made me forget where I was going with this), but I also want to create a business to benefit someone else in some way and thus make someone's life better.
Although I can't see all of this too clearly yet and it won't be easy to put the wheels in motion, it's something I wrote without thinking twice, it was like intuition based writing really. The downside is that this is only an idea, I have struggled with this idea without knowing how to make it happen or even find it in me to do it. It's like all my motivation and energy resources have been depleted or have just vanished, I can't even pick up a book and start reading.