Natious's ASC journal!

[Natious]

COMPLETED: 34/34 days

After some questioning what is best for my PTSD I decided to go for it and start with ASC 5g, I so do not want to dig up that past yet. I will commit to keep adding to this journal until 32 days are done, so I can then decide weather this is for me and if I liked it, I will keep going for 2 additional months like recommended.

About my avatar: I was surprised to find that so many are using lion as their avatar pic including Shannon , but after all a lion is the king of the wild. I just chose it since my horoscope is Leo and people tell me that I look like a lion due to having similar hair. Lion has also been my animal of protection/guidance in my dreams, but haven't dreamed of one for some time.

So here's day 1: Went through the night using earphones, already the first few hours showed some significant improvements in my attitude of confidence, followed by daydreaming about situations during which I felt really confident. Might be the excitement of starting the program so not solid proof of my progress yet.

On to the dreams: I saw a weird mixture of lord of the rings and harry potter where at some point I had to take off all my clothes to go through a portal to meet voldemort, only to come to a realization that once I went through the portal I was on a stage, naked, in front of 30+ people (probably one of my acting tutors always tells me that the best actor is the one that is completely naked on a stage, not from clothes but with ego), I felt unusually confident entertaining the public considering I was butt naked and some woman, probably emma watson gave me her panties to wear (probably should have kept that bit of information).
The other was where I was criticized and told to keep my hands off for messing up something and I had the courage to tell them off and left, which I haven't been able to do much in the past. Not yet sure if that's always a good thing, but it sure is a step forward towards not letting people walk all over me.

Waking up after 9 hours I felt very confident, and kept the tracks playing in my headphones for 2 more hours. Whilst feeling oddly/differently tired.
Most of the mental videos were about me working in sales again, feeling like I could achieve anything if I went back with this confidence and having grown so much. Mostly about being cocky and telling everything that I could easily make a few grand worth of sales in my first week and then of course doing it, feeling like a great leader, strong alpha male and a great speaker.

After these 2 hours I spent on the forums (8 hours skipping meals, ADHD at it's finest) trying to make sense of things related to these programs and generally reading, quite focused on getting more information although most of it seemed to fly right through. Might have hit my mental energy capacity and pushed too hard.

Feeling now like most of the information I read about doesn't stick, has been a problem in the past, but I've never done anything about it. Feeling of anger and irritability have come up, can't stand people eating with sound!

[Natious]

Day 2: I've had some anger issues, not sure what events triggered the anger.

Yesterday evening I felt completely spent, couldn't think anymore and something pushed me to grab alcohol as a solution. Drank for 12 hours straight with my dad not sleeping though the night and smoked again after 2 months of quitting. Probably my own fault sitting down in bad environment again. Bit on that bait like a dumb bass.

Passed out in my bed and still managed to get ASC playing for 12 hours.
I can only remember one dream which was about 10-20 guys chasing me and some small chubby kid that was hiding behind a car. They threw bottles at us.
Not really sure of that dream or what it was supposed to be, maybe just from drinking too much.

Confidence wise I'm feeling back at my natural state, not really confident. Will get sober and see how I feel then.

[Natious]

I guess my goal for this sub is to convince me of it's effectiveness and boost that confidence up to give me a taste of a potential outcome before doing any other programs.

[Natious]

Day 3: A setback after changing my earphones. Used them for 2 days but I have a strong feeling that they don't have the high range of my older earphones. Will try with other pair and if they work better I'll restart the counting.

Edit: apparently if I don't hear anything it means that the frequency is still there, only a crackling sound would indicate that they don't reach 20kHz. Well good to know, I'll up my usage time.
Using Panasonic RPTCM125A ear buds and they should reach 24kHz.

[Natious]

Update: I felt tired when I used it the first day and a bit nauseous during the day. 2nd day was a hangover so can't really say, but now during the 3rd day I'm not feeling tired or anything really, but I did sleep 12h so maybe that's why.
Just any indication that it's working would be great, will repeat with the same earphones.

Edit: will try listening for 20 hours and see if I feel any kind of tiredness or nausea to see if the earphones are defective.

[adam225]

These things take time dude, you also need rest periods. Try listening for a good 12 hours everyday for the next week. I'd imagine you should start feeling something then.

[Natious]

Thanks for the info, will keep at it I'll just do one day with a little bit more so I can know for sure if the headphones are working properly.

[Natious]

Day 4: Tried doing 20 hours, ended up doing around 17/18.

Definitely felt something, I think it's that resistance thing everyone has been talking about. I can remember 4 dreams from the night. All of them were quite aggressive so my subconscious must really be trying to show me why I can't be confident.

Dreams: I remember 3 being about me escaping form people and they were aggressively following me.
In the first dream I was actually killed being shot in the head which made me wake up feeling like I was sleeping in a sauna. I was holding the gun but somehow one of the guys kept trying to approach anyways and all I could think of was that I can't shoot him since I might go to the prison, not even to the leg or anything, so he grabbed the gun and shot me and my friend.

Can't remember about the rest of the dreams anymore, but the first one was quite shocking, kept me up and thinking for quite a few hours. What I can remember from rest of the dreams though is that they were all related to my fears and waking up from them made me feel ashamed for not being able to do the right thing.

Feeling quite depressed over them right now.
Although I didn't like being scared to that level during all night by various dreams I could see more clearly what the things were that kept holding me back in a big way from reaching my potential.

Almost forgot to add that I developed some serious anger towards my father for doing some things and not confronting his fears from his childhood. For always saying one thing and then acting the opposite. For not teaching me how to be a man. For so many more things which I can't mention here.

Although the thinking material is quite heavy on me right now, I feel pretty confident due to the program and the fact that I decided to dig out my own demons and face them in order to overcome them. Beginning to have some serious faith in this program and seeing how and why it works.

So amazing, it doesn't program your mind to accept everything how it is and blah blah believe that you're confident. Dig up the reasons that you're not confident, make peace with them and move forward.

Amazing work Shannon, can't express my gratitude for your service to the self improvement industry, and going about the programs with an attitude of truth and justice unlike some who become internally dominated on the profit side of the business.

Edit: Feeling a whole lot of resistance, my eyebrows feel like they are having cramps from all the tension in them. Trying to learn the principles of EFT tapping to release on these resistances.

[Fonzy3]

Almost forgot to add that I developed some serious anger towards my father for doing some things and not confronting his fears from his childhood. For always saying one thing and then acting the opposite. For not teaching me how to be a man. For so many more things which I can't mention here.

Yeah isn't it funny how some fears can control a persons interests and lead them to live a life dedicated to one thing, like making money, having obsessions with work or focusing on their limitations when the knowledge and truth of not being afraid of anything is so simple to grasp. An entire world of opportunities open up when you can change your mind choose the right path that is for you.

Thanks

Fonzy

[Natious]

It sure does make you think why people waste so many years of their lives. That anger has not dropped one bit since yesterday, will read more about tapping to make sure I'm doing it correctly.
Thanks for your input Fonzy.

moving on to Day 5: 12 hours this time and a bit higher volume than before.

My eyebrow area was really tense while playing the sub, which also has made me realize that I often have tense eyebrows which might be related to that area of energy being blocked seriously often. That resistance keeps persuading, not really sure what to do about it, maybe wait it out.

I'm also curious how to let go of those demons that I have dug up from my subconscious that I have never really acknowledged. I sure as hell don't wanna shove them back down.

Dreams: Can't remember any of them precisely, one thing I can remember is having a lot of fear in most dreams, crippling fear. Anger keeps coming up from all directions, sometimes even unbearable. In the weirdest way it keeps motivating me, I am so used to feeling all those negative emotions that the most horrifying fears seem normal. In one of my dreams I saw my father beat me up which has never happened with fists though, don't know what to take from that. Again more anger. Can't even look at him since yesterday.

I remember some time ago lifting weights was a good way to let go of anger and frustration, doing short intense workouts now to ease things along.

The feeling of confidence I had the first day has not showed up yet, my subconscious must really be resisting or maybe I don't have a good base for confidence yet. Should I go EPRHA? Will this program have a breakthrough for me?
It's definitely around the corner reading from other users experiences. Keeping faith. Maybe I should kick up the usage time permanently.

"Faith is the head chemist of the mind." Napoleon Hill

[Natious]

A nice breakthrough for me, I lifted my resistance by choice. My sub is playing on quite a high volume and I don't seem to have any resistance. Resistance seems like the internal combat that consistently goes on if we don't notice it, not only with subs, but also in everyday life.
Instead of going with the flow we go against the stream and that makes everything much harder. Not accepting what is will only make which is worse and last longer, just as going down the stream would take longer if we try and swim against it.
Letting go and leaving the sub do it's job!

[adam225]

Yeah that's it man, the best thing to do is not over think/analyse things and just let them happen. I think it's one of the problems with having a journal - it makes you think to deep into something that you just need to let happen.

I'm DEFINITELY starting to see results off AM6. I've become incredible less self conscious over the pass week since starting it and my mood seems even better.

[Natious]

Yeah, I think that's the only thing that might interrupt the progression for many. The journal is good for looking backwards to see what you have overcome and how you have changed in a positive way. I can't wait to use AM6 myself, but I intend to do 3-6 months of EPRHA first and get myself to a better position in order to get the most out of AM6.

Now to day 6(10-11h) & 7(aiming for 20h): Haven't felt any resistance at all, only a little bit of depression in the morning, but nothing that I would consider as an inner battle towards the sub. I'm currently reading "Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world" which very well explains resistance in everyday life and how to live without it. In short the key is not to try and remove the negative emotion, fight it and act like it isn't there but to acknowledge it which makes the emotion dissipate.

Had a social event yesterday where I felt a little anxious, but it seemed like I had some strong confidence in whatever I said. Definitely the sub that helped. I didn't speak excessively, but only when I had something to say and when I did, everyone seemed to be listening intensely like it was really important. Amazing! I could freely say that I have not finished high school since education to me doesn't mean that you go and study when people tell you to, but when there's nobody to push you and you want to know more about the things that interest you. Everyone agreed!

Other than that I haven't noticed anything new, can't remember any dreams. I started over analyzing my dreams to find patterns of confidence or resistance and now I can't seem to remember any.

This morning I had some confident mental videos running, so I sat and watched them. They were mostly about situations that I couldn't even have imagined being confident in before the sub, even if I told myself to imagine if I had all the confidence and self esteem in the world. I would always have come off as passive aggressive, or just plain aggressive and violent (which I'm not in real life).

Overall, seems like a week of this sub has been really good. I'm just not sure how long do I want to commit to it yet. Previously I said 32 days, however if EPRHA will remove the progress there's no real point continuing. I have proved to myself that the subs help. Would like some input from people that ran ASC before EPRHA.

[JackOfHearts]

Removing the progress is bit exaggerated to me. Unless you remove all memories and experiences with ASC with some technique you might be able to remove it but only if wanted.
Where did you get that idea from?