EP's E7 journal

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Just pulled the trigger on upgrading to E7. Can't wait to make progress on this one! I bet it'll be one hell of a sub!

[Have at ye]

It is indeed extremely good. All the best, man!

[EvolvingPhoenix]

It is indeed extremely good. All the best, man!

Thanks dude. Most of the subs I've used over the last 6 years have been either emotional healing subs or subs with at least some form of EHPRA in them, so I'm proud to say I've come a long way. Basically been a little over 4 of those years gone towards healing to varying extents. Still, got more to go. Hoping this sub will get me to a point where I'm ready to focus on other shit. Still got some certain blockages that are very stubborn at the least it seems. 

A question arises though: How will I know when I've cleared things down to the root? You know? How will I know when I've fully gotten there? Cause I wanna be at a point where all that shit isn't holding me back anymore. I'm hoping this works deep and fast (giggety) because I'm just... tired of it. Like, tired of having the issues I still have and feeling the way I do at times and feels like I run in the same circles over and over with some things. I feel like I get in my own way so much. I want to be free of that. The guilt, the shame, the fear, the uncertainty, the resentments, the bad memories, the getting triggered by certain things, the feeling of being crippled by... something, y'know? Dunno what, exactly. The blockages, the procrastination, the weird anxiety surrounding anything creative, the bad coping habits, the bad energy, the not knowing why I am the way I am, the inner RAGE I live my life suppressing... It gets downright murderous and I bottle it up cause I'm scared. I KNOW it's not healthy. I want to let the hatred go. I do. I have forgiveness issues and there is way too much making me sick to my ass in life for things like love, peace or happiness a lot of times. I'm trying. I hope this gets to the very bottom of it before it all just turns into a cancer and kills me. Until then I try to control my anger. It boils up. I wanna move on. 

And the thing is, I live with the constant feeling there's shit I hide from myself, never quite knowing what it is I'm really letting go of or moving on from. Not sure I wanna know and not sure how I could if I wanted to anyway. Things I can't explain or make sense of. I just want it to end. I want to be free, you know? Fuck. 

This oughta help.

[Have at ye]

It is indeed extremely good. All the best, man!

Thanks dude. Most of the subs I've used over the last 6 years have been either emotional healing subs or subs with at least some form of EHPRA in them, so I'm proud to say I've come a long way. Basically been a little over 4 of those years gone towards healing to varying extents. Still, got more to go. Hoping this sub will get me to a point where I'm ready to focus on other shit. Still got some certain blockages that are very stubborn at the least it seems. 

A question arises though: How will I know when I've cleared things down to the root? You know? How will I know when I've fully gotten there?

For me, it's a physical sensation first, and then calmness after - a feeling of freedom. Might be different for you, though.

And the thing is, I live with the constant feeling there's shit I hide from myself, never quite knowing what it is I'm really letting go of or moving on from. Not sure I wanna know and not sure how I could if I wanted to anyway. Things I can't explain or make sense of. I just want it to end. I want to be free, you know? Fuck.

Sure, I know that feeling. This program should help. Even though you might not consciously realize right now what you were trying to avoid within yourself, you're gonna know after it's been cleared/healed what it really was. At least that's how it is for me.

[Shannon]

I suggest that alternating between this program and OGSF in 6G for a couple usage cycles each might be much more productive than just using EHPRA or OGSF.

[Shannon]

It sounds like you would probably benefit most from running EHPRA v7, then OGSF-Latest, then E7, then OGSF-Latest. That's a lot of time, but if you're trying to work through deep and stubborn issues, that's probably going to be your best bet.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks dude. Most of the subs I've used over the last 6 years have been either emotional healing subs or subs with at least some form of EHPRA in them, so I'm proud to say I've come a long way. Basically been a little over 4 of those years gone towards healing to varying extents. Still, got more to go. Hoping this sub will get me to a point where I'm ready to focus on other shit. Still got some certain blockages that are very stubborn at the least it seems. 

A question arises though: How will I know when I've cleared things down to the root? You know? How will I know when I've fully gotten there?

For me, it's a physical sensation first, and then calmness after - a feeling of freedom. Might be different for you, though.

And the thing is, I live with the constant feeling there's shit I hide from myself, never quite knowing what it is I'm really letting go of or moving on from. Not sure I wanna know and not sure how I could if I wanted to anyway. Things I can't explain or make sense of. I just want it to end. I want to be free, you know? Fuck.

Sure, I know that feeling. This program should help. Even though you might not consciously realize right now what you were trying to avoid within yourself, you're gonna know after it's been cleared/healed what it really was. At least that's how it is for me.

Thanks dude. 


Yesterday, I wrote this, but then got distracted with other stuff going on at my house and forgot to finish this, so here's what I wrote: 

I gotta be honest: after using this program as instructed last night, hooooly shiit. HARD to describe what I'm feeling or going through right now, cuz its powerful. I'm using the experimental ultrasonic version of the program and what I am feeling is intense. 

I wake up, go through the beginnings of my usual routine: in a hypnogogic state, I jack off, thinking about various different sexual fantasies and half the time, they consist of going over missed sexual opportunities and playing them out differently in my head. That leads to me jacking it and mixed with feelings of regret, mixed with other conflicting emotions. Hard to describe. started with that same routine, only to acknowledge (and I've acknowledged this before, but not felt it so viscerally) this feeling of regret over the missed opportunity, mixed with an awareness of the fact that the missed opportunities stemmed from unconscious, yet deliberate self sabotage, followed by more regret, mixed with indescribable desire running contrary to a part of me that rationalizes turning down said opportunities more. Then an instantly, a powerful emotion that is on one hand extremely old and familiar kicks in and at the other time, ineffable and new. It's overwhelming, almost. I can't put my finger on it, but realize it's DEEEEEEEPLY rooted fear. But I'm detached from it. My fear of the fear is gone. There's just the feeling of it. I can eventually recognize it as a feeling of old, stuck energy, rather than something current. REALLY hard to articulate.

I'm sorry. I gotta be honest. My intuition is making connections way too fast for my thinking and articulation processes to be able to keep up. I'm tryna describe everything and it's too much at once to feel like I can give proper detailed analytical feedback. If I were talking, it might be easier, but still difficult. Typing it though? Sheeeeit. 

At any rate, this program's definitely doing something and it's doing it surprisingly fast.


EDIT:

Just saw @Shannon's responses.

"It sounds like you would probably benefit most from running EHPRA v7, then OGSF-Latest, then E7, then OGSF-Latest. That's a lot of time, but if you're trying to work through deep and stubborn issues, that's probably going to be your best bet."

"I suggest that alternating between this program and OGSF in 6G for a couple usage cycles each might be much more productive than just using EHPRA or OGSF."

I can't afford that currently. Thank you though for the advice. I'll do that when I get up the money. That being said, this program's actually doing something pretty heavy on it's own. Sorry I forgot to finish my journal entry from yesterday. I know you and IML are wanting feedback on how these programs are working, especially the experimental one that came with the full purchase.

[Benjamin]

Sounds awesome.

I've found the porn stuff difficult to give up, on OGSF I didn't look at porn for maybe 2 or so months then it come up again. Hopefuly E7 helps you with that. Alot of it is the frustration and fear around girls that triggers me to run to porn.

I was trying to move on from OGSF, but since stopping i'm noticing fear stacking back up, so it wasn't finished. E7 is looking appealing since to me it has more 'support' programming and I enjoyed E2. That was a while ago, though I guess I used the version in Universal Healing technically and I enjoyed that program.

So I might do the cycling E7 and OGSF idea, I hadn't thought of that and was trying to decide which way to go.

Though for the moment i've got a few more healing sessions i've booked so can't start again yet anyway.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

This process is very difficult to write about (if I am being honest) because it's working on a VERY subconscious level. It's definitely working though, doing SOMETHING deep.

I am waking up, feeling serious stuff sometimes, and the changes are damn near impossible to describe or articulate. I'll tell you some key points of the dream I just had that I can vaguely remember, because the emotions are powerful.

Something about leading a company of some sort in the dream and trying to give employees a wake up call with some sort of music video I aired to all employees in the work place, which confessed a lifetime's worth of serious shit to work through (details fuzzy) and concluded with the lyrics "We're ALL burnt out, suffering, traumatized and in pain" before leading to another scenario in the dream where... damn, I already forget exactly what happened, but I warn my father in the midst of some sort of belligerent confrontation that if I must, I'll break his spine and paralyze him in self defense, only to consider what it would mean to do so, leading to a sequence in the dream where I have therefore done so and he's gotta dictate a will as a paraplegic and about to have them pull the plug and euthanize him to end his suffering, causing a breakdown of guilt and regret, sobbing uncontrollably to a confidante, talking about "it's the guilt more than anything here" and "I'm human too, dammit" and stuff like that as I'm breaking down and letting my guard down. Then waking up with tears in my eyes. Lots to unpack that I consciously can't as of yet.

There's definitely a lot of themes relating to trauma, empathy, vulnerability, regret, guilt, etc for sure, but nothing concrete as to exactly what's being worked through. Seems the overall direction being worked towards though is one of vulnerability and empathy. It's rough though, at times. Or at least, as rough as the program can afford to let it be and as I can handle, I guess.

I can DEFINITELY say that in the past 10 days and 3 uses, it has definitely been doing some serious, deep work fast, even compared to the 5.75.5G version. Glad I'm using this latest (experimental) version!

If I could, I would pair it with OGSF, but for now, it's doing the job on it's own pretty darn well.

Just don't know EXACTLY what changes are occurring. A LOT is under the surface.

Even when I do make connections as to what stuff I'm working through mentally throughout my day, they happen when they do, the connections to make are too many and too rapid to remember and properly articulate later on this journal and it feels like it's just difficult to pinpoint. I am trying though to log what I can scrape together, so as to not let whatever data is being collected go uncollected about the program's efficacy. I know IML needs feedback to improve and refine their process. I hope I'm being of some help with these.

[ncbeareatingman]

This process is very difficult to write about (if I am being honest) because it's working on a VERY subconscious level. It's definitely working though, doing SOMETHING deep.

I am waking up, feeling serious stuff sometimes, and the changes are damn near impossible to describe or articulate. I'll tell you some key points of the dream I just had that I can vaguely remember, because the emotions are powerful.

Something about leading a company of some sort in the dream and trying to give employees a wake up call with some sort of music video I aired to all employees in the work place, which confessed a lifetime's worth of serious shit to work through (details fuzzy) and concluded with the lyrics "We're ALL burnt out, suffering, traumatized and in pain"  before leading to another scenario in the dream where... damn, I already forget exactly what happened, but I warn my father in the midst of some sort of belligerent confrontation that if I must, I'll break his spine and paralyze him in self defense, only to consider what it would mean to do so, leading to a sequence in the dream where I have therefore done so and he's gotta dictate a will as a paraplegic and about to have them pull the plug and euthanize him to end his suffering, causing a breakdown of guilt and regret, sobbing uncontrollably to a confidante, talking about "it's the guilt more than anything here" and "I'm human too, dammit" and stuff like that as I'm breaking down and letting my guard down. Then waking up with tears in my eyes. Lots to unpack that I consciously can't as of yet.

There's definitely a lot of themes relating to trauma, empathy, vulnerability, regret, guilt, etc for sure, but nothing concrete as to exactly what's being worked through. Seems the overall direction being worked towards though is one of vulnerability and empathy. It's rough though, at times. Or at least, as rough as the program can afford to let it be and as I can handle, I guess.

I can DEFINITELY say that in the past 10 days and 3 uses, it has definitely been doing some serious, deep work fast, even compared to the 5.75.5G version. Glad I'm using this latest (experimental) version!

If I could, I would pair it with OGSF, but for now, it's doing the job on it's own pretty darn well.

Just don't know EXACTLY what changes are occurring. A LOT is under the surface.

Even when I do make connections as to what stuff I'm working through mentally throughout my day, they happen when they do, the connections to make are too many and too rapid to remember and properly articulate later on this journal and it feels like it's just difficult to pinpoint. I am trying though to log what I can scrape together, so as to not let whatever data is being collected go uncollected about the program's efficacy. I know IML needs feedback to improve and refine their process. I hope I'm being of some help with these.

 Compassion, Understanding and total respect to you,Man.  For opening up like this, for sharing from your  spirit & soul. wow.
 This stuff is for the brave of heart & spirit. Good on you as the Aussies would say, for having the courage and fortitude to face & deal with this stuff/shit/baggage/unsolved to getting to the resolved. More good Loving Power to Ya Man. I Mean it too. This Life is NOT a dress rehearsal, but people often act like it is.... Keep  pluggin' away. YOU'LL get to the clearing in the forest, it'll all coming together. These are game changing Subs !!

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I suggest that alternating between this program and OGSF in 6G for a couple usage cycles each might be much more productive than just using EHPRA or OGSF.

This process is very difficult to write about (if I am being honest) because it's working on a VERY subconscious level. It's definitely working though, doing SOMETHING deep.

I am waking up, feeling serious stuff sometimes, and the changes are damn near impossible to describe or articulate. I'll tell you some key points of the dream I just had that I can vaguely remember, because the emotions are powerful.

Something about leading a company of some sort in the dream and trying to give employees a wake up call with some sort of music video I aired to all employees in the work place, which confessed a lifetime's worth of serious shit to work through (details fuzzy) and concluded with the lyrics "We're ALL burnt out, suffering, traumatized and in pain"  before leading to another scenario in the dream where... damn, I already forget exactly what happened, but I warn my father in the midst of some sort of belligerent confrontation that if I must, I'll break his spine and paralyze him in self defense, only to consider what it would mean to do so, leading to a sequence in the dream where I have therefore done so and he's gotta dictate a will as a paraplegic and about to have them pull the plug and euthanize him to end his suffering, causing a breakdown of guilt and regret, sobbing uncontrollably to a confidante, talking about "it's the guilt more than anything here" and "I'm human too, dammit" and stuff like that as I'm breaking down and letting my guard down. Then waking up with tears in my eyes. Lots to unpack that I consciously can't as of yet.

There's definitely a lot of themes relating to trauma, empathy, vulnerability, regret, guilt, etc for sure, but nothing concrete as to exactly what's being worked through. Seems the overall direction being worked towards though is one of vulnerability and empathy. It's rough though, at times. Or at least, as rough as the program can afford to let it be and as I can handle, I guess.

I can DEFINITELY say that in the past 10 days and 3 uses, it has definitely been doing some serious, deep work fast, even compared to the 5.75.5G version. Glad I'm using this latest (experimental) version!

If I could, I would pair it with OGSF, but for now, it's doing the job on it's own pretty darn well.

Just don't know EXACTLY what changes are occurring. A LOT is under the surface.

Even when I do make connections as to what stuff I'm working through mentally throughout my day, they happen when they do, the connections to make are too many and too rapid to remember and properly articulate later on this journal and it feels like it's just difficult to pinpoint. I am trying though to log what I can scrape together, so as to not let whatever data is being collected go uncollected about the program's efficacy. I know IML needs feedback to improve and refine their process. I hope I'm being of some help with these.

 Compassion, Understading and total respect to you,Man.  For opening up like this, for sharing from your  spirit & soul. wow.
 This stuff is for the brave of heart & spirit. Good on you as the Aussies would say, for having the courage and fortitude to face & deal with this stuff/shit/baggage/unsolved to getting to the resolved. More good Loving Power to Ya Man. I Mean it too. This Life is NOT a dress rehearsal, but people often act like it is.... Keep  pluggin' away. YOU'LL get to the clearing in the forest, it'll all come together. These are game changing Subs !!

Thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement. I appreciate it. 



Also, *quadriplegic That's what I meant, now that I re-read it.