EP's E7 journal

[EvolvingPhoenix]

2 month cycle is almost up.

Still definitely have some issues I'm still stuck on.

The friendship breakup is still an extremely sore spot with a lot of pain and ager attached and I am weirdly worked up on an incident and misgivings I have with a dojang I used to practice martial arts at back in HS.

Also, still dealing with a lot of procrastination issues, issues regarding masturbation (I give in when I wake up in the morning, all groggy and half asleep) and lots of regret, guilt, shame and fear coming up. All of it tied together and preventing me from truly living my life. I live paralyzed by fear and shame. Glad this has the full OGSF script in it, cuz I don't have OGSF.

I am currently debating whether to keep going or not. Might as well, cuz I don't have the money to spend on a new pogram anyway.

[Shannon]

Keep going, because you obviously need more work.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Keep going, because you obviously need more work.

I know. In 6 years of sub usage, like 4 or 5 of them have been healing subs or subs with healing in them. 

Are most people this stubborn of a case? 

How do people know when they are healed enough to no longer need healing subs?

[Shannon]

Keep going, because you obviously need more work.

I know. In 6 years of sub usage, like 4 or 5 of them have been healing subs or subs with healing in them. 

Are most people this stubborn of a case? 

Not even close.

How do people know when they are healed enough to no longer need healing subs?

They don't have the reasons they started trying to heal bothering them anymore.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I know. In 6 years of sub usage, like 4 or 5 of them have been healing subs or subs with healing in them. 

Are most people this stubborn of a case? 

Not even close.

How do people know when they are healed enough to no longer need healing subs?

They don't have the reasons they started trying to heal bothering them anymore.

So what do you think is causing these levels of blockage? 

What causes the few cases that ARE this stubborn to be so difficult?

How long did it take the worst case to finally break through and reach the point where their issues no longer blocked them?

[Shannon]

Not even close.


They don't have the reasons they started trying to heal bothering them anymore.

So what do you think is causing these levels of blockage? 

What causes the few cases that ARE this stubborn to be so difficult?

How long did it take the worst case to finally break through and reach the point where their issues no longer blocked them?

Blockages like you're experience come from a combination of factors working together to reinforce and strengthen one another.  Typically, at least some part of the person is capable of great strength of will, and chooses to use it in a way that is not conducive to the goal of the program.  The addition of a great deal of pain, the perceived threat of some sort of pain or loss, or some sort of deep and profound fear is usually one part of it.  The addition of this being experienced by a deeply irrational part of you does not help.  There is usually also some sort of preliminary, early misunderstanding of some experience which results in beliefs that create a deep need to keep things the way they are for some reason.  It's not a simple thing when it gets to this level.

What causes it to be so difficult is the same things that cause it in the first place.  Subconscious stubbornness, misunderstanding, faulty beliefs, irrationality, deep fear or experience of pain, etc.

The worst case I have ever seen is CatMan, and to my knowledge, he is still struggling.  However, he is also not reporting, so, who knows.  He may be going through changes slowly and not be ready to report anything yet.  For extreme outliers, there is no guarantee that I will be able to create something that works for them, because as a consequence of them being outliers, they may require scripting conditions/conventions or usage patterns that are unique.  

But even in the worst cases, a cyclical approach will make progress in 6G.  By that I mean, you work on it for a while, then you work on something else for a while, then something else, and then come back to the first thing, and keep working like this.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So what do you think is causing these levels of blockage? 

What causes the few cases that ARE this stubborn to be so difficult?

How long did it take the worst case to finally break through and reach the point where their issues no longer blocked them?

Blockages like you're experience come from a combination of factors working together to reinforce and strengthen one another.  Typically, at least some part of the person is capable of great strength of will, and chooses to use it in a way that is not conducive to the goal of the program.  The addition of a great deal of pain, the perceived threat of some sort of pain or loss, or some sort of deep and profound fear is usually one part of it.  The addition of this being experienced by a deeply irrational part of you does not help.  There is usually also some sort of preliminary, early misunderstanding of some experience which results in beliefs that create a deep need to keep things the way they are for some reason.  It's not a simple thing when it gets to this level.

What causes it to be so difficult is the same things that cause it in the first place.  Subconscious stubbornness, misunderstanding, faulty beliefs, irrationality, deep fear or experience of pain, etc.

The worst case I have ever seen is CatMan, and to my knowledge, he is still struggling.  However, he is also not reporting, so, who knows.  He may be going through changes slowly and not be ready to report anything yet.  For extreme outliers, there is no guarantee that I will be able to create something that works for them, because as a consequence of them being outliers, they may require scripting conditions/conventions or usage patterns that are unique.  

But even in the worst cases, a cyclical approach will make progress in 6G.  By that I mean, you work on it for a while, then you work on something else for a while, then something else, and then come back to the first thing, and keep working like this.

So I should keep using E7 for a while, then take a break and switch to something else? 

Okay. How long should I use E7 for then?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Had a petty serious moment a day or 2 ago and haven't written about it because I dunno what to write. 

That's one of the problems I have when writing these journals. Some of the deepest and mot profound moments I have potentially happen when half asleep and or stoned, and even if sober and fully awake, these moments are very hard to articulate. 

I had a moment where I woke up and felt this feeling of wanting to live my life free of fear and shame and desperately wanted to just be rid of whatever it is that's holding me back. This yearning, mixed with the feeling of still not being free of it, mixed with this impatience for change, mixed with all the fear, shame, guilt and helplessness that'sunderlying it. The best word to describe the feeling is agony, if I am being honest. I came to the realization this is likely old energy from whatever time these emotions I feel happened, being worked on. Later that day I affirmed to myself my willingness to live beyond my pain and suffering. Although I still greatly struggle with my fear, even right now. Still, I think I'm making progress.

[Shannon]

Progress is good.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Progress is good.

Glad to hear it. 

I look at the way I was feeling when I had that moment and how I'm feeling now, and there's this uneasy feeling that there's stuff I "ought to" be doing that I'm not, and feeling paralyzed by fear. Why? I have never known. I just know that I'm sick of it. Hoping I get over hat hurdle soon.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Something that just occurred to me. I've been getting birthday gifts and celebrations and hanging out and stuff since we'll before my birthday and it has now been over 2 weeks since. Today I just got a coffee cup with a neat little second function I'm no free to talk about here.

Point is, I feel like I have had pretty good luck. I dunno if it has anything to do with the special experimental stuff that's in this version of E7 or not, but I am starting to wonder.

That, or he healing process is just inherently improving my point of attraction consistently.