EP UMS JOURNAL

[Have at ye]

Told my mom about the captioning thing and how even if I had the job, I wouldn't want it. She went into her usual "When I was blah blah blah I had to do blah blah blah" schpiel. She doesn't seem to get that eating shit DOESN'T HAVE TO BE just a natural part of life. She thinks HER reality is ALL of reality. I won't let her reality become MY reality. So help me God.

Man you are being picky. That will not benefit you at this moment. I have been in your place, and was trying to find a way to get what I wanted without having to do some hard work, hoping that it will just resolve itself. But it didn’t. I had to get of my ass and figure shit our myself. That’s the path to getting what you want, not having something fall down into your lap that is just “perfect”, you make your life as you want it as you go along, but you need to go along so to speak. You need movement. You need hustling. You need to grow stronger and take on challenges every day. Even those that you don’t like. Stand out with a job that you don’t like until you find a reason to like it or to affect it in a way that it becomes enjoyable. Sometimes life need to suck a bit for it to become better. There is some pleasure inside going through some pain, because it make you stronger and make you learn what matters. So don’t use subliminals as an excuse to keep sitting on your ass and not trying because “some day it will override the resistance and life will be just wonderful and all joy”. That’s not going to happen. It will make you better, help you overcome emotional stuff that can hold you down, but how many subliminals and how strong technology, life will need from you to move forward. You are the captain of your life. Take back responsibility for it by getting your hands dirty and not being discouraged while moving forward. Keep hustling, I promise you you will find joy from it in the long run.

Your mother is most likely trying to show you an example of when she went through hardships to help you get the idea how to get moving, not to manipulate her beliefs into you.

[video=youtube] https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D_Vg4uyYwEk[/video]

How very Petersonian of you.

You know, usually, when people go around giving "advice" like this, they're trying to talk themselves into something they themselves at some level know to be simply put, a self-imposed system of limiting beliefs.

Also, you don't know whether his mother went through any actual "hardships" of this sort, if any. People tend to bemoan how they had to walk uphill in the snow *both* ways to school when they were young, especially when they hadn't. People who actually had it tough and have then achieved something usually don't go around spewing bullshit like this.

F. in. one of my ex's parents are bona fide multi-millionaires. Yet, the mother instilled in her daughters (it's interesting they only did it with their daughters, not their son, now that I think about it) the belief that "they gotta work hard, work crappy jobs, nothing is easy and nothing's free, so says the word" (lol) or somesuch while their wealth is based off of a constant stream of royalties they've been accruing for some books the mum wrote while her husband was supporting her financially and worked out a publishing deal for her (incidentally, they're terrible with money, they just have lots of it). I mean, yeah, she did hold a crappy job or two during her studies, but that wasn't a "life-or-death" situation, but more like summer jobs for beer money, lol. All this while surrounded by wealth whilst fussing about the house not doing much; they also got them their own apartments for several million potatoes apiece and then told them "but, remember, nothing's free, you gotta work hard!", and kept discouraging them from pursuing their actual interests because "you need to be practical and work hard, crappy jobs".  

The end result was that both their daughters, and my ex especially, were somehow absolutely *terrified* of "entering the job marketplace" in any capacity (I mean, my ex got her like, first real job *at the age of 30*, I'm not shitting you), and were both of the belief that they were unworthy of holding any worthwhile, well-paid position, because you gotta take the bumming and enjoy it.

Contrary to popular belief, life does not work like a motivational poster.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Gotta agree with Have at Ye. Remember what Shannon said about self limitating beleifs. Still, I get that being active in my attempt to achieve UMS is important.

Thank you though for your desire to help me at my goals

I appreciate that you cate enough to give your 2 cents.

[Greenduck]

I’m not tryi N to be discouraging in following your dreams, I’m all for it. And I’m not encouraging to stay in environments that is damaging for you. What I’m saying is that sometimes things just suck and you need to pull throug it. Everything isn’t around money, it’s about building character which make you stronger and give you a better life where you won’t be so sensitive for things not being in your favor all the time. And to be grateful for an opportunity even if it’s making your life harder during a shorter period of time, making the best of it.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 6 of 24/7 carpetbombing. Went to sleep earlier than usual cause I was faded last night. Not feeling well rested, but not quite tired either.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Not everything centers around money, no. But UMS DOES. I decided to use UMS for a reason: because the potential to get a complete handle on the financial aspect of my life carries with it the potential to get other areas of my life in order. It allows freedom that you don't usually have when you're broke. The more money you have, the more freedom you potentially gain and the more ypu can put yourself in position to be of aid to others, as well as get whatever you yourself need, at least on the most fundamental levels, freeing you up to focus on other things you find important. I don't disagree with making the best out of your present experience, but I believe you can potentially ALTER your present experience to be more to your liking. And having lots of money would be one way it'd be more to my liking. Keep in mind, the more money I have, the more easilly I can afford to spend on products from this site. I can't afford LTU5 right now, but if UMS pulls through for me, I will be able to. Can't afford AM6 or SM or WM neither. And I intend to use ALL those programs. Lots of ways I can set myself up to more freely and effectively accomplish other objectives when I have an abundance of resources. The more respurces I have, the more options become available, more easilly within my grasp or at my disposal. Building character and making money are not mutually exclusive objectives and can in fact reinforce each other if gone about the proper way.

As for the assertion "Sometimes things just suck and you have to pull through it" Well thank you for sharing that remarkably unique perspective, but honestly I feel I should point out: What do you think I am doing? I'm dealing with my personal issues while at the same time, applying for jobs, going to school, dealing with my family issues on multiple fronts, maintaining a social life and working on my spiritual development. As my psychologist pointed out in one of our more recent appointments: my lowest lows lately are generally higher than what my highest highs tended to be when I first started seeing him. I AM making progress in my life, but I see some strong limitations on how I can move it into the direction I want without the proper resources and on the other hand the potential to take other objectives and pursuits to the next level or even pursue goals that would otherwise be WAYY more difficult to bring to fruition. But I'm generally making progress and getting my life together. I just would like for U.S to help me make finacial concerns a non-issue at the very least and a powerful resource for further doing whatever O want to do at most. And I'm impatient to see results, sure. But there's nothing wrong with setting high intentions. We DO NOT have to live in a state of scarcity! Infinite abundance is within our grasp and we can do ANYTHING, if we can let go of self imposed limitations and resistances that hold us back. You can turn ANY situation around if you play your cards right. That's my intention: to turn my current situation into the one I want, both internally AMD externally. Remember, UMS still has a VERY aggtessive and powerful form of E3 in it, and while it is directed at achieving UMS, that doesn't necessarily prevent it from working on my biggest issues. For example, I have noticed my issues over my exfriend are NOTICEABLY less severe than they were, even when I was on E3. So once again, I assert that it is a galse dichotomy to act as though I have to choose between building resources and growing my character. 

Thank you though for your inpit and your concern for my positive development

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Also, you don't know whether his mother went through any actual "hardships" of this sort, if any. People tend to bemoan how they had to walk uphill in the snow *both* ways to school when they were young, especially when they hadn't. People who actually had it tough and have then achieved something usually don't go around spewing ***** like this.

I never really acknowledged this particular point in Have at Ye's post, but I would like to highlight it now and add that my mother is particularly known within my immediate family for gaslighting, re-writing history in her head and remembering things imnacurately so that they better suit whatever narrative she prefers, and generally just not being a reliable or trustworthy person when it comes to the telling the truth or being honest. I honestly do have to question the accuracy of almost every self servi g claim she makes, ESPECIALLY about the past and ESPECIALLY if it happened during a time and/or im a place mobody else was arpund to remember otherwise and contradict her with the facts. But even if she DID go through some sort of harder setback than I'm dealing with (assuming you can truly make a hierarchy of significance when it comes to problems which isn't entirely subjective and is without any dostortion) you would THINK it would have taught her to be more compassionate and understanding of other peoples' concerns and make her want to see other have BETTER experiences than what she had to deal with because people deserve to experience better. Instead, it's become an excuse for her to be LESS compassionate, LESS supportive, LESS understanding, LESS patient, LESS positive and generally just A WHOLE LOT LESS beneficial to be around or interact with than otherwise. If she really DID have to deal with all the shit she's claimed to have to deal with, and it really WAS as negative an experience as she perceives it to be in hindsight, it hasn't made her a better person for it or changed her for the better. It's had a NEGATIVE effect on her development. Why would I want to follow in her footsteps, adopt the same mentality or accept the same limitating beleifs/attitudes that lead ro her having such experiences and developing in such a negative way. Her thinking when expressing such outlooks is based on a logical fallacy known as Appeal to Relative Privation. Every time she ever bitches about ANY of her problems, I could just do the same thing amd go "Pfft! There are starving children in Africa, therefor your concerns are irrelevant and trivial" Stupid line of thinking, right? Now you can understand why it gets my goat, Greenduck. Thank you, Have at Ye for pointing this out.

[Have at ye]

Yeah. Generally, when someone's actually been through living hell and lived to tell the tale, they would not wish it on their worst enemy.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

...and yet, if their sense of separation from another is high enough, or their rationale for how it's different in their case from another individual subjectively convincing enough, they just might STILL put someone else through it, not recognizing the similarity of experience amd subsequent suffering or not seeing the same relevance of said sameness in experience/suffering. Case in point: my ex-friend, whose lowest point in her life and highest levels of suffering in her life came from an irreperable friendship breakup. She's been down that road. She knows how it feels. But sending someone else down that road is no issue and deserves no understanding or patience or compassion or forgiveness. Not if she can create enough illusion of separation to convince herself that it's different in that case, and any compassionate or loving or forgiving attitudes are seen as being "deserved by me, but not by thee"

But that's okay. I hurt her, and as she once said: "Hurt people hurt people" I understand her reasons for doing it and while she could have been more compassionate about how she treated the whole thing, I can forgive that, just like I can forgive that same quality/capacity within myself.

[Have at ye]

Most true as well. It's as the saying goes, around here at least (as a sidenote: again with the hell thing? What the hell's up with me lately? ): "when one lives in hell, one wants to drag others down into it".

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Most true as well. It's as the saying goes, around here at least (as a sidenote: again with the hell thing? What the hell's up with me lately? ): "when one lives in hell, one wants to drag others down into it".

I wouldn't say that's her case. She's generally a nice and supportive person. She just ran out of patience dealing with my toxicity and doesn't seem to feel I deserve the same patience and understanding from her as she's been given from others. She judges me harshly and doesn't feel I deserve any more chances, like she does. In jer eyes, SHE'S worth saving when she's drowning, but I'm just a load that'll drag her down with me. SHE'S worthy of patience, understanding and not being judged, but I'm worthy of scorn. I've been unfair to her, but she's never been unfair to me in her eyes. Not even now. And I think she's been unfair plenty of times in plenty of ways, not just to me, but to others. She can judge quite harshly towards other people. But I forgive her for that and love her anyway. I may not have her on a pedastal any more, but she will always have (and deserve) a special place in my heart. I just wish she felt the same way about me. 

Still, no use crying over the past and no use lamenting something I have the power to CHANGE. 

This story's not over yet, and neither is hers.

Your quote applies MUCH MORE to my mother than my ex-friend. MUCH more.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Somebody once said: "When a woman loves you, you are forgiven for everything, even your sins. When a woman DOESN'T love you, you are given credit for nothing, not even your virtues." It's so true, it hurts. It REALLY hurts.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

---

Eent bed at foy nobgoodvreason last nightoo. Being woke up @9. Fuck me. Baka. Anyway, day 7 of 24/7 power bom ing. Gonna let it finish today, then observe the bloom.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

As day 7 of 24/7 carpetbomb comes to an end, the bloom approaches. Hopefully all this extreme carpetbombing will have had enough effect that the bloom will yield serious results.

[Ale]

Bro, can you explain this 24/7 carpetbombing? How did you manage that without interrumptions? And is that even healthy?