EP UMS JOURNAL

[Have at ye]

For myself, I can say that I've never been a fan of formal education as well, even though I've spent quite a bit of time pursuing it.

If a thing can be done at all, then it can be done in more ways than one. Limiting "the path" towards that thing through formalities is just a means of controlling information.

As to that Sadghuru thing: I was thinking recently that the old "the end justifies the means" adage is not just, y'know, unethical, but just plain wrong, logically. In fact, I'd say that it's the other way around: "the means define the end".

(In the spirit of academic accuracy, it should be noted that "the end justifies the means" thing, from Machiavelli's "Prince", was not, in fact, an instruction in effective-but-ruthless governance, but a satire on one of Machiavelli's political enemies and the way he went about doing his thing, f. in. banishing Machiavelli, lol. Machiavelli himself was something of a "liberal", if this term can even be applied to that time period, heh).

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 2 of Re-reset: no effects noticed so far.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Re-reset, day 3: No results noticed.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Re-reset day: 4, no results so far.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Hey @Shannon if my subconcious is so strong and willfull, how come my conscious mind isn't?

[Shannon]

Hey @Shannon if my subconcious is so strong and willfull, how come my conscious mind isn't?

Because they have different components and qualities to work with.  You can reasonably argue that your conscious personality is even different than some parts of your subconscious personality.  They understand the world around them differently, think differently and have vastly different sets of abilities.

Your conscious mind would struggle to remember just 7 things for more than seconds without training, and even then without using the subconscious mind to help, you're almost certainly limited to a couple minutes.  But the subconscious never forgets anything you ever experience through any of your senses.  Ever.

The vast majority of your awareness and mental abilities, as well as your emotions, are subconscious.

Now you take a single person and pit them against a team that never sleeps (the subconscious never sleeps, it's active 24/7) and see which one wins in a tug of war.

But in some cases, given sufficient motivation, one side will be stronger than usual.  In this case, it sounds like fear has made your subconscious exceptionally strong compared to your conscious.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Gotcha. Makes sense. So what makes a conscious mind steong and willfull? How do I get my conscious mind to have that level of willpower?

RE-reset, day 5. No results.

[Shannon]

Gotcha. Makes sense. So what makes a conscious mind steong and willfull? How do I get my conscious mind to have that level of willpower?

RE-reset, day 5. No results.

I'm not sure, as there are various factors in play that I cannot know the values of.  If the issue you face is just a subconscious response to an early trauma, then it is possible that your conscious and subconscious minds are operating on the same level of will power, but one is just motivated by the fear generated by the trauma, and the other is not.  If that is the case, we just need to deal with the fear.

Conscious willpower can be trained, though.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

God, I hope that's the case and that the FRM eliminates it. Then, the world is fuckin MINE!

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I'm feeling really down today.

First, I went to study group to get help with my homework, but only had so much time and still have SO MUCH I feel I need help with. I can't get help from the TA tomorrow because she's busy. It's due day after tomorrow. Can't get help from the teacher because he's only available at a time I will NOT be able to wake up by, I'm still dealing with serious self esteem issues and the pains of the friendship breakup, I'm getting my ass kicked by this stats class and still also have a life cycles class making shit harder, I've got a job fair I am obligated to attend tomorrow, so that'll be less time to work on this Stats HW, Stats class is KICKING MY ASS and we have only just begun, I am on student loans and owe the government money now, I have no time for everything, I am dependent on my parents for SO MUCH, especially now with these classes, and on one hand, I'm grateful to them for their help, but I resent having to rely on it and dislike myself for not being more self sufficient and for having relied on the charity of others my whole life, I'm damn near broke, I got no job, don't REALLY want one, I'm having to go through this suck ass system to not only get by but make my way in the world, and will owe a shit ton of money to the government once I'm done, might not be able to find work, and I find college.university to be indoctrinating and find myself thinking about just dropping out, but I've got no other cards lined up right now if I do that. And this UMS isn't working. And I have little to no time for spiritual development which is essential to my healing process, much less creative development, and all my mental power and energy is being constantly drained, primarilly by these classes, as well as my time. And I just feel like... Damnit, THIS is where I'm at with my 30th birthday just a couple weeks away. THIS is where I'm at at that point in my life. And I look at people who are living up to the ideal self I want to be, and my failure to live up to the ideal image of myself tortures me, as it does anyone who isn't in alignment with their best self. Meanwhile, I'm living in fucking Clown World, where people around are just nuts and assholes and those of us who don't want to give in to bullshit opinions are expected to keep our heads down and punished when we don't. I'm just feeling SO SHITTY right now.

GOD I hope UMS starts to work for me soon and helps me change my life for the better. I'm thinking of dropping out of college. Fuck teaching English abroad. Why not just get rich and travel where I want, when I want, and do what I want when I get there? I'm hoping UMS will set me on that path of freedom.

I feel like such a failure. And a piece of me resents my very soul, for choosing to give me the problems in life I have to face, and resents myself for failing to meet them properly.

I just feel awful lately. And once again, I'm wondering if I'm really ACTUALLY going anywhere or truly living up to my full potential. I feel stuck. I feel like a failure. I feel like a nobody. I feel like shit.

And my friends... I rarely see them. And every time I get with my best friend, ALWAYS he manages to bring some toxic negative bullshit to the table that brings me down and fucks up my good time, coming COMPLETELY from an unconscious place of insecurity, toxicity and negativity. And I can't seem to surround myself with better people.

**sigh**

And all I can do it seems is march forward as best I can. It just doesn't feel like I'm doing enough.

I'm letting myself down, and have been letting myself (an d others) down my ENTIRE life.

[Have at ye]

Well, on the other hand, it looks to me as if the H&C aspect of UMS is beginning to kick in, though. I've had similar spells of misery earlier on it.

It's not a walk in the park by any means for dudes of our particular subconscious predilections, but should you stick to it and keep executing, shit is going to start getting better in a matter of months. You can take my word for it.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

That or it's just life, wearing on me. I dunno. Maybe you're right. What's the H&C part mean?

[Have at ye]

That or it's just life, wearing on me. I dunno. Maybe you're right. What's the H&C part mean?

Healing & Clearing. It doesn't take the gentler E3 approach, it's more of a "take no prisoners and resolve this NOW!!!" approach in the context of achieving UMS, as far as I understand it.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Ah. Gotcha. God, this is going to be HELL. I dunno HOW I'll resolve this. I've been gicen resources but lack the time and energy to put them into practice. I hope you're right that things will get better soon. I really do. I hooe UMS is finally working as well. I really do. Thank you for your input and your encouragement and tour support.