EP E3 Journal

[Greenduck]

And we come right back to where we started. I know how I feel and what's in my heart. Since "love has nothing to do with how I feel about what she does" as you point out, your argument for why the love I have for her isn't love (because I don't like her leaving) kind of shoots itswelf in the foot. Is it not possible to love someone you're attached to, Greenduck? Or has the thought that you're presenting a false dichotomy not crossed your mind?

Sure you can love someone you are attached to. But I think that people sometimes dwell on this attachment and not letting go of the person based on that they love them, and just wanted to point out that there is a difference, and if you don't separate the two, you can't fully let go - or at least you are giving yourself a harder time than necessary. You can let go of a person and still love them, I think it's often easier to let them go if you love them.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I get that there's a difference between love and attachment. I hope you get that being attached to her doesn't negate that I do love her.

[Greenduck]

I get that there's a difference between love and attachment. I hope you get that being attached to her doesn't negate that I do love her.

No I'm with you on that one. And that letting go of her doesn't negate loving her.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 45:

Feeling a kind of raw pain, underneath the surface. Mild though. Been running E3 all night as I slept. Running another loop now.

[THolt]

Day 45:

Feeling a kind of raw pain, underneath the surface. Mild though. Been running E3 all night as I slept. Running another loop now.

This is progress. E3 is digging something up. In time you will get over it. Sooner or later.

[Have at ye]

There's various types and styles of attachment, not all of them "healthy", so to speak.

Try this free quiz: https://dianepooleheller.com/attachment-test/ - it gives a general description of the results afterwards. It might help give you some insight.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

@Have at ye
Those questions relate to a partner one currently has. Nonetheless, I'll keep it in mind for if I find myself in a relationship.

@THolt
Thanks THolt. I hope so.

[Have at ye]

@Have at ye
Those questions relate to a partner one currently has. Nonetheless, I'll keep it in mind for if I find myself in a relationship.

@THolt
Thanks THolt. I hope so.

Nice try, my friend, but it actually says:

"When completing this questionnaire, please focus on one significant relationship – ideally a current or past partner as the focus here is on adult relationships. This does not necessarily need to be a romantic relationship but must be the individual with whom you feel the most connection. "



EDIT

It's not as scary as it sounds, TBH. In my case, for instance, the darn thing was all over the place, apparently (about 20%-something percent in *every attachment style* taken into account in this little quiz), so it came out as "ambivalent attachment", which - given the description and pointers, and what I know of myself - would actually have a hint of truth to it and make sense.

It's a "better to know than not to know" type of deal, really.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

@Have at ye

Took the test. 48.7% ambivalent/anxious, 35.9% secure, 12.8% disorganized, 2.6% avoidant/dismissive

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Going through some stuff. Self esteem issues raising to just underneath the surface, peaking out. Crappy, cringey memories, crappy response, crappy self image. I don't think very highly of myself, in fact my opinion of myself is quite poor. I'm dealing with this issue and having a hard time changing it. I've got to let go of the past and step into the now that I want, but it feels so foreign/alien to me. I'm too used to holding myself in low regard. I'm running another loop of E3 to help me out with this.

EDIT: The issues have subsided for now.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 46:

Having a hard time letting go. Memories flare up like a case of herpes and the realization of how badly I've screwed up triggers shame, guilt and regret.Fortunately, these are currently mild, but still present. I have to remind myself: The past is over and I can change my present however I want.

EDIT: Running another loop of E3. Maybe it'll help.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Playing guitar. Fear arising again. Dunno why. Just playing the same riff while watching YT vids (trying to do it without looking) Might smoke some weed to calm myself down.

EDIT: I now realize I have an issue with not wanting to directly participate in life. A fear. I've got to accept and process this fear and let go of it. Or at least keep going forward in spite of it.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

was able to get a lot of guitar practice in today. I'm still sloppy as hell, but I'm slowly working on improving. I'm still playing the same riff over and over, trying to nail it. It gets tedious but I'm keeping at it.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 47:

Just practicing guitar and watching kickass live metal shows for inspiration today. On one hand, I'm really frustrated because I still play the riff to Thunderkiss 65 sloppy and I'm trying to nail it before moving on with the rest of the song, so progress feels slow, but on the other hand, I'm fired up thinking about what I wanna do in the future. No issues with my past today, just focusing on the future, so that's a plus.