Clearing the Foundation- Aventus's OF v3 Journal

[Aventus45]

Cycle 2/36
Day 1/5

Today has been calm, nothing really is happening at the moment. 

[Aventus45]

Cycle 2/36
Day 3/5

Hung out with a friend today and I felt super relaxed and open and she mentioned that every time we hang out, it feels cathartic and calming. she never mentioned that feeling until today and we hung out a number of times alone throughout the pandemic. We have grown closer and I didn't feel any resistance to opening up about things.

[Aventus45]

Cycle 2/36
Day 4/5

I was possible processing something huge as the dream was really strange and rather urgent. Something involving lobotomy or something.

[Aventus45]

For a few days now, my mind has been telling me to add an additional loop into the fray. So it would be 2 loops for Two days on and 3 days off.

[Aventus45]

Cycle 3/36
Day 1/5

Followed the urges last night and went with two loops like my mind wanted and the difference was huge. If using one loop was stripping a layer of bedrock one layer at a time, two felt like amusing dynamite blowing a hole straight down. If my nightmares were nothing to go by, I didn’t go back to address my inner child’s fears. I literally became my inner child an experienced the fear in a primal way. Literally acting like how I would have acted as the child. 

Two loops certainly is what the doc ordered for me.

[Aventus45]

Cycle 3/36
Day 2/5 (12 days in)
Loops per day: 2

I woke up with significant exhaustion, but I don't recall any new dreams that hint to any fears being worked on. However, I noticed that I don't have anxiety when my boss calls me over the phone that I used to.  I distinctly remembered in the past when my boss asked me if I had a moment to talk, and my mind immediately went into me doing something wrong and I was going to get fired over it or something. He just called, showed me what i did incorrectly and clarified it. No fear, no anxiety. 

[Aventus45]

Cycle 3/36
Day 5/5 (15 days in)
2 loops a day( trickling stream, 2 on /3 off) 

Noticed porn consumption is lower, sometimes it’s habit sometimes there’s legit sexual desire I used to use porn for. Definitely feels harder to get off on porn. 

My brain was definitely processing something as it was getting hard to sleep. Had a dream where I was some kind of criminal trying to piece his past apart in a rouge like game. Where I would start from the beginning and end at a point before restarting.


I started off in a maze with the objective of exploring and piecing out my past. I had to fight through monsters and I reached this dark hallway that seemed to endlessly create them. Intuitively, I had the feeling of charging through the dark hallway and was greeted by a child in the room connected to the hallway. The child seemed satisfied that I reached this point and I suddenly woke up.

[Aventus45]

Cycle 4/36

Day 1/5 (16 days in)
2 loops a day( trickling stream, 2 on /3 off) 

I’m getting resistance as I noticed that I’m beating myself up for having a ton of fears and self esteem issues regarding women. My mind gravitates to trying to get me to run SM3 or hoping that next version of DMSI would do what the sales page advertised. The resistance tells me to quit taking the long way and run everything I want to instead of removing my fears.

[Shannon]

"Anything but running this! I can't resist it forever! Please don't make me face my fears!" I have heard that before.

[Aventus45]

"Anything but running this!  I can't resist it forever!  Please don't make me face my fears!"  I have heard that before.

Which is why i'm noting it. Some fear is being worked through under the hood and its throwing resistance. Doing it the right way is harder when I'm an impatient one. To be fair, I wouldn't have done well with the program if the underlying fear isn't addressed.

[Aventus45]

Cycle 4/36
Day 3/5 (18 days in)
2 loops a day( trickling stream, 2 on /3 off) 

Entire apartment's electricity went down and forgot to add the sub to my phone. Lesson learned and added it to my phone incase it happens again. I am debating in whether or not to just run the sub today and rest for the rest of the cycle. 

[Aventus45]

Cycle 5/36
Day 1/5 (21 days in)
1 loop hybrid trickling stream 2 days on 3 days off

My brain wanted hybrid and I have it gave it though my iPhone 12 Pro Max speakers. I survived, haven’t experienced tiredness or anything nor could I remember my dreams. I did feel frustrated and lonely as I was working out.

[Shannon]

Do you think you got anything out of it at all? That sounds like it may just be like listening to static: nothing happening.

[Aventus45]

Cycle 6/36

Day 4/5 (29 days in)
1 loop hybrid trickling stream 2 days on 3 days off

Its almost two cycles of OF v2 Trickling stream. I noticed my phone isn't great for hybrid so I transitioned to using my desktop speakers. My social anxiety has lessoned and I am getting over my mental blocks around Phone calls at work. Throughout LTU v6 and in the beginning of OF I would be hesitant on calling my boss and much prefer instant messaging. 

I noticed that my porn consumption has fell off significantly throughout the two cycles as I feel the sub is removing my fears around intimacy. As the side effect of that it sort of made me realize what type of relationship I want in the future. As I felt as if I was more so motivated by what I see in porn rather than what I really want. An example would be Wanting WM's goals rather the SM's goals. To sort of highlight just how dramatic the fall off of porn use, I used to be watching it and masterbating multiple times a day, to once or twice a week. I haven't had a sub that really addressed my porn habit at all and it seems like OF has taken the gas out of that habit and naturally fell off.