Building a Nice Life- Aventus's LTU v6 Journal

[Aventus45]

Stage 2 
Cycle 3/6
Day 3/5 (on day)

I have been noticing that old guilt and shame that i thought was resolved from AM6 is being dug up. Guilt of all of my past actions and mistakes are being revisited. The shame of who i am and how my parents have contributed to it. Also noticed how my parents are seemingly getting into my room just to spew out negative energy and the shielding has helped me a little bit in disconnecting sometimes from it but its not really redirecting the energy from what i have noticed. 

[Aventus45]

Stage 2 Recap

-Seems like this stage has pushed me toward uncovering the deeper guilt shame and fear. The stuff i thought that was resolved in AM6 apparently wasn't. It was a feeling i got throughout the sub.

-Manifested a job and the new job is pushing me into new directions where i am incredibly weak in so i have to adapt or be jobless again but im not 

-My stress response is better, My new job has been really stressful with short training and tons of materials to learn. Im handling it relatively well once the pressure is on. The detox module probably adapted to my and my massively increased caffeine intake.

-noticed that i still have insecurities and putting people on the pedastal, I hope the later stages would work on it in full gear now that im starting stage 3.

-recently been feeling this massive urge to completely declutter my room, far more thoroughly than i used to be. Remove all the junk from my room that is left over from my old self so to speak.

[Darkness]

AM6 isn’t supposed to be cycled. It’s 32 consecutive days per stage.

[Aventus45]

AM6 isn’t supposed to be cycled. It’s 32 consecutive days per stage.

I’m sorry what? I just meant the healing went deeper than AM6 ime.

[Darkness]

AM6 isn’t supposed to be cycled. It’s 32 consecutive days per stage.

I’m sorry what? I just meant the healing went deeper than AM6 ime.

Nvm, completely misread the title. Sorry!

I’m glad it’s working so thorough & the progression is noticeable.

[Aventus45]

Stage 3
Cycle 1/3
Day 1/8

[Aventus45]

Stage 3
Cycle 1/3
Day 2/8

Im Already feeling the sub digging deeper and its going through my self esteem issues. Im feeling kind of useless and not worthy of anything. 

On the flip side im in the process of decluttering my room and its been a good way to make myself feel better 

[Aventus45]

Stage 3
Cycle 2/4
Day 2/8

Accidentally went 8 days straight for my first cycle and 2 days into my next one. I have never felt more lonely in my life

[RTBoss]

Hang in there. IIRC, Stage 3 got much better for me by the last cycle. Is your loneliness related to the pandemic, or are you specifically referring to how you feel LTU is affecting you right now?

[Aventus45]

Hang in there.  IIRC, Stage 3 got much better for me by the last cycle.  Is your loneliness related to the pandemic, or are you specifically referring to how you feel LTU is affecting you right now?

Honestly it’s been a bit of both. The pandemic made me unable to see my friends and I think LTU may be making me think bout how I have been lacking in intimacy for a long while now.

[Aventus45]

Stage 3 
Cycle 2/4
Day 8/8

For some reason, I can’t log into my account with my new desktop computer anymore.

The stress management module probably has help in a way because I probably wouldn’t have survived my job otherwise. The job is stressful, draining in many aspects. Coming from being unemployed for a while to being really stressed and dreading it everyday makes it an interesting introspection. I manifested some opportunities and probably will continue to do so. I’m looking for something different.

My self esteem is still low and I wished it was higher. I dug deep into it and there huge aspects of how I don’t feel confident in my own identity and how I wished I was different as I perceive that people have it easier. This key aspect of myself is what I really want to improve and be some more accepting and confident in myself.

[Aventus45]

Stage 3 
Cycle 3/4
Day 2/8

Had a dream where I was fighting the toxic part of me. It was constant fighting and the part of me was constantly sabotaging me in every turn. A part “infected” with some kind of curse and for some reason it made me stronger or rather I used it against him. 

My friend reached out to me feel the same way I feel and I tell her that I relate and what to do but I damn well should take my own advice but I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to do so.

A friend of mine I used to put in the pedestal, triggered something in me and made me realize I still have some hang ups about it. Yet I don’t know what to consciously do about that when it seems like a subconscious feeling and thought process.

Edit: swapped from ultrasonic to trickling stream hybrid.

[Aventus45]

Stage 3 
Cycle 3/4
Day 4/8

Just realized I was subconsciously working towards my goal weight even though I haven’t been working out. I lost 6 pounds and I haven’t been this light since probably early college. Definitely a shocker and it’s been my diet or lack of. I guess I don’t really feel all that hungry and have better control over myself.

Going through the rounds of a more serious job than my current one, it’s apparently between me and a different candidate. if all jobs more or less suck then at least I’m going for one that has growth potential.

[Aventus45]

Stage 3
Cycle 3/4
Day 5/8 

Had a pretty strange nightmare that involved a lot of death with the coworkers in my current contract job.it involved a train that kept moving and I just saw everyone dying in numerous different ways. It was rough cause I actually woke up and felt a huge pit in my stomach and a really uneasyfeeling.