01-21-2015, 11:06 AM
STAGE 2 Begins
Today I begin AM stage two. For anyone who has been following my journal for some time, finally the contract that crippled the business that was to take 5-10 but took nearly 6 months got approved and now that all the employees got sacked I have to do everything myself.
Funny thing is the fear is all gone. Before I wouldn’t want to “break” anything, today I accidentally swiped the server, big deal that’s what backups are for. And the stimulate is really helping, I have been doing tasks I procrastinated on for almost 2 years now everyday with a zeal to get it done.
At first I thought the hold up with the business was a bad thing but now I see all bad things as growth stimulators, if all went well I woundnt have faced some fears and finally got some professional help for my attention problems.
I started a work based study program, in about 3-5 years I will have an MBA and the good thing about it is its all work based stuff, no extra study and no huge uni loans.
I also noticed that am starting to not need women in my life to live or have a purpose, before it was a distraction, like am getting older I have to sort this issue out, bet they could smell the desperation off me. Now am more like if they don’t like me and I die alone am still going to make the best out of my life and live my dream, heck when they business thing pops I can pay for my sexual needs like I pay for my electric needs.
I seem to be noticing that I thrive off attention, when I get a girl look at me I get happy and bright and when I get no attention my moods suffer. Even tho hot women do look at me a lot, I seem to want to be the centre of attention always , it could be a good motivator to been a entertainer but I hate the fact that my emotions are in someone’s else’s hands, and with that my self-esteem, and with that my self-image and with that my ideal self. It’s fucked wanting to be something so people can approve of you, am not missing my destiny over that.
Anyway no time to play.
I listen to this guy to and from my 12 hour shifts, I’ve never worked so hard in my life. Til next time folks.
Today I begin AM stage two. For anyone who has been following my journal for some time, finally the contract that crippled the business that was to take 5-10 but took nearly 6 months got approved and now that all the employees got sacked I have to do everything myself.
Funny thing is the fear is all gone. Before I wouldn’t want to “break” anything, today I accidentally swiped the server, big deal that’s what backups are for. And the stimulate is really helping, I have been doing tasks I procrastinated on for almost 2 years now everyday with a zeal to get it done.
At first I thought the hold up with the business was a bad thing but now I see all bad things as growth stimulators, if all went well I woundnt have faced some fears and finally got some professional help for my attention problems.
I started a work based study program, in about 3-5 years I will have an MBA and the good thing about it is its all work based stuff, no extra study and no huge uni loans.
I also noticed that am starting to not need women in my life to live or have a purpose, before it was a distraction, like am getting older I have to sort this issue out, bet they could smell the desperation off me. Now am more like if they don’t like me and I die alone am still going to make the best out of my life and live my dream, heck when they business thing pops I can pay for my sexual needs like I pay for my electric needs.
I seem to be noticing that I thrive off attention, when I get a girl look at me I get happy and bright and when I get no attention my moods suffer. Even tho hot women do look at me a lot, I seem to want to be the centre of attention always , it could be a good motivator to been a entertainer but I hate the fact that my emotions are in someone’s else’s hands, and with that my self-esteem, and with that my self-image and with that my ideal self. It’s fucked wanting to be something so people can approve of you, am not missing my destiny over that.
Anyway no time to play.
I listen to this guy to and from my 12 hour shifts, I’ve never worked so hard in my life. Til next time folks.
If you can't manage the little you have now, who will trust you with more, if you can't control yourself long can you rule over others for? Its easier for a king to rule a kingdom than himself and who does want an empire? Being unconquerable lies with yourself!
