Apex-Predator Evolutionary Log - AM6 RE-RUN Stage 2 - Letting go

[Dee]

I had a horrid dream one of my friends in the past was a teacher in a class and I was pupit, the whole time I was envying his confidence, then something clicked in me that I was an adult and could do the same thing. A day ago I had a dream that some friends in my teen years where hating on me, and I was dealing with that pressure of that intense feeling.

Anyway I woke up today and something had changed in me.

I feel more grounded in reality or must I say my reality. I feel absolute certainty that I will reach my goals if I want to and persist, I know it’s possible and more important it’s possible for me.

I feel the need to worry has disappeared, and I am consciously stopping negative thoughts at the gate and only thinking about things I want to experience in my life.

Before when I thought of a date I would picture it going wrong and feel anxious about dates, now I picture it how I would like it to be and I feel like I would have lots of fun.

Fear is really a choice

It’s a blissful state and it’s still getting deeper. I still have random negative thoughts that my sex coach has helped me deal with, before they would be perceived as a “voice in my head” rather than me thinking it consciously, so it would really brother me as to its meaning. Now I just picture that voice as a Disney cartoon and I laugh causing a peak in the good feelings I was having before.

It’s kind of hard to take fear seriously when it’s dressed in a clown’s suit. That what I like about having a coach it pushes you to “DO” I have been aware of this technique but didn’t apply it with consistency , and now like an AA member I now have an accountability buddy cutting down my chances of reverting back to my old ways before I have completely recreated myself.

Work and BS

I am waiting for some critical data before the launch countdown begins and my partner suggested I take some time to relax as it will be heavy work from then until when. So I have been catching up with my coaching homework (a complex book that has to be studied attentively not read like a novel) and some AM5 books (yes I still haven’t read them from start to finish).

I can now handle that little voice in my head I liken to the cravings for nicotine or the nicotine monster it will soon die and I will be free from it, it’s just a matter of time before the detox is complete.

I now have the urges to go out and be around people and do activities out there. I have researched some gym, self-defence, yoga, meditation, and tantra, I will start my new activity plan next month as my funds allow. I feel optimistic about my new life as everything I have ever dreamt of that is positive I will experience.

Right Brain Issue

I have been writing poetry, ave got over the feeling queer aspect and its quite exhilarating, I can actually release my needy feeling or cravings to feel bad and feel better after, plus my abstract mind can play without having to make practical sense or be fully understood by anyone but me.

I have to find a place where I can get critiqued as I would like to improve on this art I can see myself doing it for as long as I life, I love it.

ACTION PLAN: Look for meet ups or places online to get feedback (copywrite your stuff just in case sh*t happens/ fear or common sense?) also spoken word events will be good.

Short Term Goal #1 – Early Riser ~ Short Term Goal #3 – Week Day Ritual

It’s like this:
Sunday - Achieved goals
Monday - unachieved goals
Tuesday - Achieved goals
Wednesday - unachieved goals
Thursday – I know I will
Friday – is any ones guess, unlikely according to the pattern

Well I have to work on consistency as I have proved to myself I can do it now, progress is a slow process, but great changes begin in minute alterations.