Apex-Predator Evolutionary Log - AM6 RE-RUN Stage 2 - Letting go

[DarthXedonias]

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it too much. When I read about it, I would even question the reason she gave for not being able to meet up. I mean come on, you guys agreed to beforehand on a time and place. She could have easily gotten those papers graded before hand when she knew she was going to be meeting up with you. Which means she either procrastinated and then used that as a excuse not to meet up or she was already done with it and simply didn't want to meet up. Also, I wouldn't call what you did "guilt tripping". You simply called her out for wasting your time. The funny thing is I see her bringing up the past (the fact you hit on her before) as trying to guilt trip you so you feel bad and won't push the issue of meeting up. I've learned all too well now that when someone tries to bring up your past mistakes (that were a long time ago or dealt with already) up in a current situation most of the time they are trying to guilt trip you. In short, I didn't see you as doing anything wrong. She wasted your time and then tried to guilt trip "you" for having a problem with her wasting your time. Simple as that in my opinion.

[ffaux]

Any feedback guys? I am starting to feel like an arsehole that just guilted A decend lady into wanted to meet him over our other important responsibilities?????????????????????????

You don't need our approval.

[Benjamin]

I don't think there was anything wrong with it. She was probably just seeing if you'd accept her crap. If you went too overboard with it then she wouldn't have been like "ok i'll be there in 15".

And I wouldn't apologize for hitting on her in the past, that's just her testing too to see if you're strong enough to stick with what you did which is go for it.

[Dee]

STAGE 4 One week in.

I had to write this down. 4

So for the past month I have been working with my coach to get my up in the morning and we failed, we failed so bad that I didn't want to speak about it again.I wont list the methods we used. I figured that when I got my ADD medication my willpower would increase and I would be better able to get up when the alarm rang.


Wakie Wakie (google the app, cool stuff)

So I started my ADD medication last week Friday smallest dose I don't feel any change. Then I started Stage 4 Sunday/Monday 22 March. The day after I started I woke up and got out of bed before mu alarm rang, then on Tuesday my alarm rang and I got out of bed and I started freaking out. I thought it was a fluke that wud'nt last by then on Wens, Thru, Fri, Sat and Sun (today) I have been waking up early and fresh.

So sure if its AM4 without looking at the new suggestions but its so close to be luck.

Women and Playful Dan

Seems my child self image has faded a lot, I am been playful with older women all the time. A few years ago while working in a warehouse the mangers wife liked me and some guy told me she said so, but he said the problem was I am a mamas boy. I would act all decent and good like a little boy in front of his aunts who could tell his mum and get him in trouble.

1) Seems that's change. I was teasing my assessor last week, she got the sales manger to call me about not doing work and stuff and we ended up chatting about what we wanted to be when we grew up and having some banter.

2) Some women from a company I needed a quotation from gave me her face book profile and we chat over Skype all the time, she be starting convos like "Hi" and we just chat and have fun. She hasnt seen me but I can see her profile pic.

I am just taking more "risks" than I did with convos, not been up thigh and worrying about what to say or how they will take it. My dad said i was funny last week, so did my assistant, and I just been making people LOL alot.

[Dee]

@DarthXedonias

Seems like the nice guy still is in there somewhere, I few more runs of the AM6 will evict him.

@ffaux

I think I don't know what approval is any more, I mean I don't want to be an arsehole thinking I am an Alpha Male or be rude to people thinking am been assertive. So you need to explain the different between seeking approval and getting another perceptive on things.

@Benjamin

That's Very true. Whats annoying is she is now treating it like a formal meeting and she is a bit more cold. I wonder what the meeting will be like. That's annoying is that she thinks I want her but I do not and she keeps on bringing up her BF and now she text me today after a week about meeting up but it was to much short notice, so we will meet up another day , but she just closed off the dialog like ok we can set another day after Easter, Take Care.

And she kept saying my messages put her off, I am Fu*king confused as hell, why wud she meet up with me, I mean she ignored me for a year so why inst she doing it again.

I sense that I will get tested a lot and I might fail, I don't care about failing I just hate disappointing people hence my YES MAN attitude.

[Dee]

LAST STAGE:


I have changed a lot from who I was then I found this site. Recent changes:

1) Wouldn't care less about what people think about me, I sometimes re-run negative thoughts but its more of me making my self feel bad intentional rather than the needs of approval I had regarding people in the past

2) I realized that basing your life on your emotions causes indecisiveness and weak staying power, just do what you agreed to do and make no excuses!!! Pure objectivity with emotions as fuel and not distractions

3) Life is meaningless and its more logical to give it your own meaning rather than living in another persons reality. The glass is both half empty and half full so decide for your self what it is according to your own experience of it rather than what the water measuring experts say.

4) My word is the source of my spiritual power, live and die by it, stay true to it, do what you say and say what you do.


5) I have more of a social life, i was at some women's house last week stoking her face.

6) I don't allow other people BS and excuses any more.

7) I am dealing with my fears of success now. Funny thing is a fail and fail because am afliad of what success would mean. Its like life is too easy I cant believe how easy it is. I can be anything I work hard to be, I can have anything I work hard for, but yet am afraid that could be true.

9) So I went to court last week and I the first thing I said to the female Judge was " I hope you woke up on the right side of the bed today" my lawyer said never in his 20 year practice has he met anyone like me, as I was lucky she liked me and reply to the cheeky comment in a positive matter, she said " I always do" and I sort of won the case against the government.

10) I am starting to see my self as a man and not the boy who was afraid to piss people off. Not only a man but a man who can live in his own realty weather or not other people accept its exsitance

11) I seem determined and persistence, I called one person every 20-30 mins for 2 days until I got an answer. Again he says he has never met any one as persistence as I am. I feel like Life is a test and it always the person that wants it the most that gets it cause they do anything to have it, watch drug addicts.

12) My life coach says am relentless too, I wont give up on my goals and I have more of them than all the other clients I have.


In conclusion I have been a busy guy and haven't had time to update this but It seems that I like negative stuff and I like feeling bad and I designed events in my life to fuel that. So I sit there happy and look for something to stress about, like a warrior who constantly seeks conflict. I am not sure what will happen without that "need" regardless, I sat there looking at the court letter and I started to make my self feel bad even thought I knew its all good. I know I will be one of the greatest but am just addicted to doubt because of the self pity it breeds.


Peace.

PS, I cant wait to run this program again.

[Dee]

I have bad spelling and grammar and I didn't proof read, no time, sorry.

Completed AM6 and took a month off, I just started on it again.

What can I say?

Gradual change is like gaining or losing weight, mostly other people who haven’t seen you in a long time point it out, if you not weight conscious and take a ton of smartphone images.

Regardless, I feel as though there are two people within me, one guy that is who I should be and another who is acting in accordance to the manipulations of family, society, religion, education, culture etc.

Not sure if it’s the different egos they say people have like parent ego, child ego, adult ego or just ME minus the BS. I spoke to some female Dommies from the BDSM scene about dominance and many gave me this opinion that you either born one or born submissive to which I replied what if you were born one but got conditioned into been a pussy….. am awaiting replies. Point been I began getting flashes from my life about my leader qualities from my child hood “gangs” to my teenage music band, to my business’s employees. Each time there was a situation to be a beta I disassociated myself from that situation and created another where I controlled the reality.

Negativity



It seems that “negativity” is the BS excuses people give themselves as excuses and convince others people that it is “reality”. I watched an interview with the president of Gambia in Africa and they asked him about the employment problem in his country (with negative annotation’s to his competencies as president) and he said the most profound words that stuck with me. He said that there are employment problems everywhere in the world even in the wealthiest countries if lazy to work you can’t blame anyone, he said that even though he provides free education in his country there are many people who create opportunities for themselves regardless of education level.

Negative self delusion



Why are the words profound you may wonder? In my druggy days I had many interesting friends that would get income support and swear that they were no opportunities, some even in London a city that will give money in the form of grants, university loans, business grants, training for any trade etc would say that if they don’t sell “food” (drugs) they will starve to death and so will they families. I mean come on, in England a place where the Government pays you to go to school and gives you the education for free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The sad thing is they believe that’s reality and feel justified. Sure am not in that situation to have been born in an “poor” place in a rich country where the word “poor” really means you can’t buy the luxuries you want and the only reason you will go to bed hungry is because you mismanaged your money or government aid most possibly on drugs.

Power of Realities;

The reason I stated the above is to show the power of “reality” which exists only in the “head”, may a better word is mind set. So I saw a young man listen to the excuses of failures and they justifications for it and “buy into it”, so a young boy drops out of school because of an older schoolboys excuses for doing so. He believes there’s no future for him there, even if he passed the world is against him, his poor by the design of some higher power and his only hope is crime.
The lazy dad’s son asks him why they poor and he says it’s because rich people are greedy pigs and money is power and power corrupts, money is the root of all evil. And his son tells his son the same thing.

Independent thinking vs Subjective thinking;

Yes! I am free to judge human nature objectively then apply my “reality” to it. All my fears and insecurities were not mine to begin with, they were other people’s, people who convinced me that was “reality”.

:idea:

A short more experienced guy told me he didn’t get any luck with women because women like tall men (his reality), then he applied his imagination and intellect to it and after a few supporting ideas, I believed that was the reason he didn’t get any luck with women.

The only problem is I was short too, but I joined him in his “reality” in a world where women didn’t like short men. So all the mating ritual signals I got from women in my “reality” was friendly women been nice to me, while in my friends “realities” they likes me, yeah they told me but I thought they were wrong, why? They didn’t know what I did, women don’t like short guys.

So in the presence of tall guys even some of my friends, insecurity and suppressed jealousy, so many girls would be around me for me but of course in my head they were there for the tall guys. And there is a twist to the story, because more people are fucked by the negativity (excuses) of others my taller mates, they had there insecurities.

My reality vs the world;

Some people have more influence over our minds than others, some people let themselves be affected by anyone’s opinion, (I think I was one for some time at some point). The most important lession or most powerful change I got from the first run of AM6 is to control my reality, not control it but create it, keep it positive keep it clean and not live in someone else’s reality no matter how appealing it may be.

Am sure you have heard the riddle. If a tree falls in the middle of nowhere does it make a sound? I found the answer, disagree if you will, but in my “reality” it’s a fact, just like it’s a fact that life is hard in the experience of a poor man in a world where people buy dog houses that cost more than family homes.
The tree doesn’t make a sound because EARS are needed to create sound, sound exists only in the mind/brain. Meaning what exactly? Everything you experience as “reality” exists only in your head, the colour pink doesn’t exist for dogs, because they can’t see colour.

That said, all these PUA guys attempt to create false “realities” in your head also known as “marketing” to buy they products, nothing wrong with that, only think is the contradictions of “realities”. Some PUA guy said women only like alphas then I see the most beta boarder line gay guy with a hot women and think to myself………. Well, depressing, take it personal, confused shit. Another PUA guy says women like dominate men, then I see a submissive guy with an hot alpha female women and I think to myself ……

Reality beliefs for Lifestyles;

Now am more like This is my “reality” now and that’s the way I want it to be later, this is what I have to do to create it, this is the mind-set I need to maintain it, and fuck everyone else’s “reality”, I expect people to try to manipulate me into living in they world and been subject to it by all means, including moral and emotional blackmail, fuck it if they don’t want to live in my world am an introvert anyway, I won’t miss anyone.

No man is an island they say, it now sounds to me like a “reality” hijacking term, of course, no man is anything else but a man, but to humour you with that term, I said, all I need is a harbour and I can buy all the things I need to survive including “company” if need be, if I eat a small piece at a time, I can have my cake and eat it too, I mean cake like life as an expiry date, no point having a full rotten cake you didn’t eat because of some “reality” hijacking belief/excuse, why do people have to be so negative and focus mostly on the problems and not the solutions to problems.

So fuck them, let me keep they “realities” no matter how logical/real they may seem. I will only buy into their “reality” hijacking beliefs if it helps build my Ideal one.

Your beliefs create your reality;

By the way, am off that Pick Up Artist shit, there is something about going to many clubs and running routines and entertaining women with BS and games for sex that only seemed good in my imagination but wasn’t appealing to me in practice hence the lack of motivation and excuses I gave myself.

Not to say that it isn’t fun and a good lifestyle for many people, Self-Actualisation is been the best that you can be, not been the best of someone else. An artist must paint, a writer must write, a businessperson must make businesses and a pick up artist must pick up chicks.

But with a biggest problem for humanity called “reality hijacking”, an artist is convinced to make music to impress chicks, a Pick up artist is persuaded to create multiply streams to income because women like guys with money and the business man wastes years of working hours working with PUA consultants who convince him to waste more time becoming an artist who can play an instrumental because women like the creative types and business analytical minds are boring women love fun.


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There are still a few people who have influence over my reality and every time we meet I have to rebuild some of my “reality” they destroyed during that meet up. Hopefully next run of AM6 I would have fully fortified my reality against everyone and I mean everyone, even G-D.

There are many ways to skin a cat and success is different for everyone, in my reality, I use my methods to achieve my goals that determine my success to myself.


Thanks for reading. But you don’t really care about me you just looking for “reality hijacking beliefs” to help you rebuild or re-enforce yours from mine/ours


PS, DESIGN YOUR OWN BELIEFS AND CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY

[Vincent_Vega]

Thats what I call a really detailed post. Keep going man.

[Dee]

So ,

i am in the process of closing down the company I started this journey on, I am about £60,000 in debt, managed a test run and we made over £20,000 in 29 days, so the future was looking good and my world travels were a possibility.

But then again the suppliers started send out packages late, and the shipping company (DHL) starting diverging the orders late, customers feedback suffered accounts were closed and I had enough.

I think I am a strong guy considering that every thing that can go bad did, I fucked up a lot I know, but still, but things are just beyond any one persons control.

Regardless the past two years of my experience most of everyone has let me down! It like if I don't do it my self I wont get down and self reliance of HUGE for me now.I framed all my let downs as a lesson from life her self to me to learn this, as feeling like a have bad luck or that humans are unrealable as I gave up hope on humanity after thinking maybe it was a select race of people and worked with all the races from the world over and found teh same trait.

So I figure that's how simple is it to succeed, just do a little extra than every one else.
Where it kicks is that I cant rely on my self, so I spend the whole day in bed. Whats funny is every time I want to feel sorry for my self I feel as though its a childish behavior, am more of just stuck as I dropped out of my MBA course and all my future plans seem like a fantasy now that I cant get people to do work for me correctly and I cant do it my self.

That's fucked up is I believe that no one can help me, even my Dr and Adhd specialist let me down, my coach failed to inspired and Self Reliance is hurdle now.

I wonder........................................

[Dee]

Well.

Stage two of my re-run, at some point I though the sub was making me unproductive as there was once a point that I was fuelled with motivation to show people my worth, then I started care less what people thought of me and that motivation died out.

It seems I went to extreme lengths to motivate myself, but now I am coming to terms with peace. Sort of like that serenity prayer that asks to know what can and what cannot be changed.
I still feel as though I could be the greatest like a lazy man sat on a gold mine but can’t work himself up to start digging.

Although my ambitions seem to have died out place has replaced them. Am okay. Am fine. Am good. Am alive so today is a great day, it could be worst, I could be dead.
I also have my self-two slaves now that call me “Sir” and “Master”, it’s great, I guess my subconscious mind took dominance too far, maybe it was in the script, neither way, we all going to die one day, while I am alive it’s a good day.

Good night. And may our cult leader Master Shannon Bless you.