08-16-2021, 12:37 PM
(08-16-2021, 10:57 AM)Johannesbrst Wrote:(08-16-2021, 08:14 AM)Shannon Wrote:(08-16-2021, 06:31 AM)ncbeareatingman Wrote:(08-16-2021, 06:06 AM)callie Wrote: Congrats on the store Shannon, the new changes sounds promising.
On another note. Would you say E5 is a better fit to help resolve repressed anger, rather than OFv3?
One Informational Tip here for ya Callie: Anger is a form of Fear. In MY view either way you wont go wrong, however,let Shannon lay the knowledge on ya about all of that.
I don't agree that anger is a form of fear. I spend all day long working on something, and my assistant comes in and erases it because he thinks it's an error without consulting me, and I get angry. Because I'm afraid of what? I don't see how it's fear. Can you show me the reasoning behind why you believe it is?
It's not necessary to feel anger in that situation, or for that matter even to express the anger. A more considered approach would be to sit down with the assistant to understand his/hers reasoning behind and reason for acting like he or she did. Being angry at the assistant will either create fear in the assistant (and maybe making him/her even more insecure and of lower esteem, which probably is the reason behind the mistake in the first place) or in the worst case make them resent you and possibly ruin a good assistant (who just needed some encouragement and help understanding the process at the job).
Being angry in this case perhaps stems from you feeling out of control of the destiny of your company (without fear you would trust that things will work out fine, and even know that anger isn't going to help you there) or the feeling that you can't "control" your employees (only fear tells you that you need to control someone, good judgement know that interpersonal relationships are better cultivated with carrots than sticks). Without fear you are more capable to understand other people's perspective and how you can work with them to adopt an approach more in line with what you have seen is productive and works toward bringing out the potential in the assistant, as well as the potential in the company.
Previously I though that the only feasible situation for anger was to defend yourself, but I'm not even sure of that. The best boxers/MMA/UFC-athletes in the world don't get sucked into anger. If they did, their judgement would be clouded and they would make more mistakes. Instead, I believe they are driven more by a survival instinct (i.e. "I want to live got damn it!") rather than the fear version of that instinct (i.e. "I'm going to kill you before you will kill me, got damn it!").
It is also not necessary to feel fear when your logical brain can do a fine job keeping you safe, but you do, and for much the same reason.
In the case I'm talking about, this particular assistant knew better than to make changes without asking if the changes would be un-doing someone else's work while multiple people were working on different parts of the same general task. He made those changes because he was making blind assumptions - and it wasn't even his assigned part of the task. It briefly made me angry because I spent the whole previous day doing that job when it was technically not my job to do in the first place (I was doing it because nobody else could at the moment and it needed to get done), and because there was no communication to verify the actions necessary, which that assistant knew better than to do. Control really had nothing to do with it. The actions of that assistant were flat stupid, and he admitted as much himself when I asked him why the hell he would just erase what took me 8 hours to accomplish. Those actions wasted almost $1,200 and a whole day of my time in not one, but two directions, since I wasn't supposed to be the one doing that job in the first place. I was doing it because we didn't have a way for Ben to do it yet. And all this for no better reason that he didn't follow our common sense standard protocol which he knew about: Ask for verification that an action on a multi-party job will not damage anyone else's work.
Now in the same way that I don't have to feel fear about being stung by a honey bee because I know standing still will be sufficient to keep me from being stung (which I use as an example, because honeybees don't scare me), I also didn't have to get angry because logically one can't go back in time and un-do it once it's done. But how many people could say that in that same situation, they wouldn't get angry? Could you? Is it really so much about control? You haven't convinced me. Instead of fear, I assert that anger is much more likely to arise from frustration.
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The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!