E6 journal

[User_000]

I have to say it, this might be the program i was looking for.

While using OF and OGSF i realised i got more depressed and unwilling to change my beliefs but now i'm willing to do it for improving my mood, getting rid of stuff that keeps me depressed like the way i communicate with myself (self loathing) how i respond to external stimulus (also realised that i pretend to be tough so i don't expose my vulnerable side but even with myself) and even the black pill stuff i watch on youtube that leads to judge everything, for once i just want to enjoy my time.

Also i'm prioritizing my emotional well-being since i refused to do stuff that might lead to reinforce the trauma and negative beliefs.

It's been a while since i was feeling tired from using a program, and occasional headaches.

[Benjamin]

I'm curious how it goes for you.

Alot of the time I feel similar about OGSF. I keep wondering why am I continuing it another few months if I mostly feel like crap, "maybe it's working on something deep" etc and at the moment persisting with it.

[User_000]

Can't say i feel like crap anymore but my depression is still there, at least i don't feel like quitting, i just want to rest.

Edit: Maybe i phrased it wrong but i'm getting tired and some mental fog. I just want to clarify i don't feel like crap anymore.

[Benjamin]

Interesting, i'm trying to decide whether to switch to E6 and if it's resistance or not. It sounds like it may have been similar for you, but i'm not trying to put words in your mouth so wanted to check by asking if it was similar for you.

The whole time listening almost to OGSF v2 I feel that i've got deeper and deeper into a hole, losing interest in alot of things that have been 'my thing' and that keep me going like working out or training. And just feeling more depressed, not feeling like doing anything, not feeling like socializing etc. I've come across these things before in other programs but not to this level, and it's got especially intense recently. A high level of hopelessness and dark thoughts, like just wanting to give up completely.

And like i'm disconnected from everyone, more insecurities than in a long time around other people, and not really seeing a way out of this hole. I've had some low points but I feel that on OGSF v2 it's the lowest i've been without really seeing a way out nor having much energy or strength to do much about it.

And that's when i've been fairly comfortable socially for quite a while now, on and off, but not 'off' this much for a long time. Had maybe a few interesting things on V2 but on the whole nearly 5 months of listening (admittedly a few times i've derailed it) things have just got noticably worse.

I'm seeing a little bit of a pattern with what others have reported on OGSF v2 that seem to match some of this and several of us switching to E6 because of it.

If you noticed similar, i'm curious how that compares to now using E6?

[User_000]

Let's see... in my case i just admitted that i'm not as genuinely interested in some stuff as i believed, and this is the complicated part since i don't know if i was doing those things because i was feeling empty or i was trying to forget other things like obligations and my own depression. I did came to understand how plentiful my life is so i don't need to crave for more than i do but maybe some of those are product of my defense mechanism like turning away from social interaction (i just hate to deal with people and their drama as well as behaviors i dislike and topics i just don't give a damn, also i cannot put away fear and shame).

On the other hand my depression did get worse the more advanced the program, the self loathing and external loathing increased (i still do that but with a smile), as if everything is doomed to begin with, don't feel like trying new stuff or put some effort into something that might benefit me, feeling lots of hatred and anger (that stopped when starting E6 by the way). When i stopped OGSF v2 after a couple of days my insecurities came back not as strong as before but enough to make me turn back and stay in my home (the obligation part was also involved so it was a mix of hassle and insecurities)

In any case it is difficult for me to know if retreating is caused by trauma, emotional damage, beliefs, getting tired of exploiting myself, overstimulation and those sort of things. For the time being i just feel like not doing anything productive of my life and just rest and enjoy my time, after all i just get to live once.

As i stated before, i'm not feeling miserable but at the same time i just want to rest. Maybe my subconscious is telling me to take it easy since my life was always full of pressure and haste. Taking some time to clear my body and mind from the rot of expectations and obligations. Is also attempting to deal with my childhood trauma since some other part tries to convince me i'm going to die.

Almost forgot to mention that i almost drop masturbation, i just don't feel like doing it that much as before.

[User_000]

I just threw my money for nothing and more than getting mad i'm just trying to accept it, i would have gone crazy and make a tantrum as big as hell in normal conditions but it doesn't matter now, hopefully my smartphone didn't break after throwing it like a ball, since i don't want to get mad i'm running a second loop for the day, looks to be working.

[User_000]

Now we're talking, my anger issues seems to be fading even after losing my money or failing or whatever, some part of me tries to get angry but it gets overwhelmed by calm.

Today i achieved some decent level of peace and introspection, now everything seems like a child game and at the same time i'm trying to get rid of the emotional shackles as dependence, self loathing, hopelessness, hatred, anger, sadness, and maybe something else. So far so good.

[Topaz]

Now we're talking, my anger issues seems to be fading even after losing my money or failing or whatever, some part of me tries to get angry but it gets overwhelmed by calm.

Today i achieved some decent level of peace and introspection, now everything seems like a child game and at the same time i'm trying to get rid of the emotional shackles as dependence, self loathing, hopelessness, hatred, anger, sadness, and maybe something else. So far so good.

Sounds awesome!

[NOMAD]

Edit: Wrong thread.

[User_000]

As usual, my symptoms increased on the third day off so i used E6 again but only because it was stronger than usual (pretty much anxiety, physical pain, even something similar to hypoglycemia), my guess is that is related to my trauma.

Lately i've been looking into how to manage emotions, at least i should be able to stop the chain of negative thoughts that create more pain, speaking of emotional pain yesterday was quite an experience since i don't have attachments for people i placed it on items i care way too much as collector's items, so i want to make sure those items are in the best conditions and yesterday i was a bit careless and some of those items kiss the floor, it sounds stupid i know but my emotional pain skyrocketed to the point i was emotionally numb, confused, maybe sad or something (i have no idea if that's how it feels the pain of lost), didn't even notice that reaction lasted 2 hours until somehow i was able to calm down, perhaps i have others big issues than my trauma. Right now i no longer care about what happened yesterday, i will just make sure it doesn't repeat again.

[User_000]

For once the symptoms calmed down.

I'm currently focusing in my own self instead of thinking about others or their rules or their behaviors or about "what if", i just want to be alone.

Got depressed again but my anger is building up at the same time, life seems like a pain in the ass.

[User_000]

I'm going to be as honest as i can. Maybe i never intended to solve any issue in the first place, when i started using OF i just did it because i was feeling overwhelmed by fear and couldn't even sleep, i just wanted to feel better. That was true as well for the upgrades, at some point i was having symptoms without knowing the cause and then i realised i felt better when using a program so maybe if i kept using them at some point my symptoms will fade completely (the intensity diminished with the time), of course even if i didn't intend to change something was happening on the background, even some of my fears are gone by now and i'm better than before, that's true but then why i'm still struggling with stuff that was supposed to be dealt with or the same shit as usual, i understand trauma is a big influence and messed up my subconscious pretty bad, as well as it's consequences which makes everything worse, i'm very afraid of pain, my anxiety worsened and i became dependent of that trauma. Those combined with my upbringing make a nasty combination, at least i know overprotection from parents has some terrible consequences, lack of emotional support and abandonment (which means i'm lonely as hell) as well as some fears i developed about "what if" whenever some situation because i was reminded constantly about negative outcomes if i didn't do this and that. And there were momentswhen i got motivated and try to change but those moments last for one day and the next day i'm like a zombe again trying to endure my suffering, i also know that trauma works this way to maintain itself it's just that most of the time i don't care about my situation and just time goes by, then i'm complaining because i feel like shit again and the cycle repeats, never actually took any action to solve those problems, i'm just here existing. In truth maybe i just want to run away from my problems or maybe something is happening on the background and that's why i'm writting this.

[User_000]

Looks like i was right, something is happening on the background and is making me feel like those times when i was using OFv2 i think, getting dizzy when trying to sleep, being unable to sleep, as well as stomach issues, the only thing i noticed was how i no longer pity myself and get depressed over expectations or shame about myself for not meeting those expectations, let's see if i can recover the motivation for doing something.

[Topaz]

Looks like i was right, something is happening on the background and is making me feel like those times when i was using OFv2 i think, getting dizzy when trying to sleep, being unable to sleep, as well as stomach issues, the only thing i noticed was how i no longer pity myself and get depressed over expectations or shame about myself for not meeting those expectations, let's see if i can recover the motivation for doing something.

It seems E6 and letting go of fear shame and guilt make the users have stomach issues
It's so weird to think how much our nervous system carries.

I hope to use either E6 or something similar not long from now.
I hope you gain the benefits you're looking for

It would be awesome if you could write those benefits in a clear way when you finish the program or when you find them maybe as bullet points.

Wish to see you gain a lot man
And thanks for your journal