08-02-2019, 08:44 AM
(08-01-2019, 11:53 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: Running E3. Trying to sleep. Made the mistake of cyberstalking old friend's art on instagram, I guess wondering if she ever thinks about me. It seems no. Not anymore. But I found this little gem, dated not too long after the friendship breakup:
"Joke's on me
for wanting to
believe I'd be
special to you.
After all,
I'm just a clown
who gives their all
and gets let down."
Funny, that's exactly how I feel. High likelihood it's about me. I'm so badly hurt and so deeply ashamed. I wish she knew how I felt. I wish she cared. I'm beginning to hate her. But hate is just one side of the coin called caring. A new wound has been created, old wounds re-opened. I swear I'm going to get over this and one day we will be friends again.
EDIT: Just sent her a message begging that she just say "I forgive you" before cutting off all contact again. That's all I'm asking of her, is that she forgive me.
EDIT: Just sent A LOT of messages asking she just say "I forgive you" I commented on a number of pieces, mostly the ones about me. attached my email and said "All I'm asking is those 3 words: 'I forgive you' and then if you want to cut off all contact, you'll never hear from me again. We ALL deserve forgiveness. All I'm asking is that you forgive me and accept my apology before never speaking to me again." I basically left 14 responses on her artwork page saying that same thing.
Even if she doesn't forgive me, I will forgive myself. But I want to be forgiven if I can. Also, if my friend doesn't forgive me, I believe it creates karma for her to explore, which might give her the experience of knowing what it feels like to go through what I've gone through. So even if she doesn't forgive me, I at least get her to create karma for herself and ensure she learn the same hard lessons I learned.
I would just let it go dude.
I have had friendships that have fizzled out. In fact they were really good frienships but because of time, effort, distance, or whatever, they are not what they once were. I realized the best way was to let go.
Part of my issue was that I was too clingy. I realized this only pushes people way. THere is no point in trying to save a relationship that is already dead.