06-20-2019, 10:52 AM
Day 19:
Same old tune, I guess. Painful memories. The cocktail of emotions is indescribable. The sense of shame runs deep. I've been sleeping all day and was sleeping all night before that. And I went to sleep early in the afternoon before that. Now I'm getting yelled at for doing nothing but sleeping. Still, I've been feeling better since I was on E2. I just wish E3 worked even faster. But the truth is, I guess I'm expecting a magic pill, and as powerful as E3 is, it ain't that. I wish I could be doing my healing in peace without getting yelled at. Is that what i'm really doing though? Sleeping all day could be a way of resisting the program for all I know. Or it could be unrelated in any way. I know too little to tell. All's I know is, I'm either asleep or I'm being visited by painful memories. Thank god I'm on E3 or it'd all be even worse. I'd probably be suicidal, like I was about 2 months ago. Still, I feel like I've made all this progress only to take some steps backward and "beat a dead horse" as Shannon put it. Well, self healing ain't easy, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I didn't overcome it all in a week. This takes time. There's really nothing anyone else can do, and if I want to move things along quicker, I should probably meditate and do the healing codes, but I don't, so I shouldn't be surprised it's not moving along faster. Oh well, I'll get to where I want to be eventually. Just dunno how long it'll take.
Same old tune, I guess. Painful memories. The cocktail of emotions is indescribable. The sense of shame runs deep. I've been sleeping all day and was sleeping all night before that. And I went to sleep early in the afternoon before that. Now I'm getting yelled at for doing nothing but sleeping. Still, I've been feeling better since I was on E2. I just wish E3 worked even faster. But the truth is, I guess I'm expecting a magic pill, and as powerful as E3 is, it ain't that. I wish I could be doing my healing in peace without getting yelled at. Is that what i'm really doing though? Sleeping all day could be a way of resisting the program for all I know. Or it could be unrelated in any way. I know too little to tell. All's I know is, I'm either asleep or I'm being visited by painful memories. Thank god I'm on E3 or it'd all be even worse. I'd probably be suicidal, like I was about 2 months ago. Still, I feel like I've made all this progress only to take some steps backward and "beat a dead horse" as Shannon put it. Well, self healing ain't easy, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I didn't overcome it all in a week. This takes time. There's really nothing anyone else can do, and if I want to move things along quicker, I should probably meditate and do the healing codes, but I don't, so I shouldn't be surprised it's not moving along faster. Oh well, I'll get to where I want to be eventually. Just dunno how long it'll take.