EHPRA Journal

[ArcticFox]

Seems like things came to a screeching halt as far as progress goes, which means I must be working through something. But I'm noticing these down periods aren't as horrible as they used to be and instead of beating myself up about them I treat myself with more kindness. I've realized I have a bad habit of motivating myself through guilt, shame, and fear which just makes me feel worse.

Despite that I'm feeling more stable. My car was acting up and I took it to the mechanic thinking it was just a simple timing belt problem. Turns out a wheel bearing was shot too. The whole thing cost me 552, which is a large chunk of my money and I'm still not working at the moment. In the past this would have freaked me out and I would have been worrying about not having enough money, but I kind of have this feeling that everything is going to work out. Lately it seems like opportunities have been finding me and keeping me afloat, no doubt due to EHPRA. So I'm not perfectly calm, but I'm also not a nervous wreck like I usually am.

But I'm still not at that point of freedom that I want. I know things are still holding me back. I'm trying to break out of the system here in the U.S. I have the awareness, I just don't have the courage and lack of fear to take advantage of it. More than ever I see how people are manipulated day to day through fear and lies and I just don't want to be part of it. There's a huge storm going on here and I'm just trying to find some shelter. I don't want to go off the grid and live like a nomad, I like this country, but I hate the people in power that are destroying it.

From what I read online (e.g. zerohedge) the US really does sound like its getting quite bad, but then the UK is not much better.

I'm always hitting resistance in my EPRHA run, proper roller coaster. Really surprised myself last week, and not in a good way!