01-03-2016, 12:28 PM
Been a bit. Things have been sort of up and down. Had a good long think about what I want to do with my life.
Something that's been bothering me is I feel like I'm not as capable of achieving the things so many other people achieve. I've actually been thinking about getting into composing music for video games because I'd be able to do what I love and make some kind of living from it. But I see all the great composers and feel like I'll never get there.
I just don't believe in myself and I never have. I don't give up easily, but at the same time it's kind of like stumbling around in the dark until I reach my goal.
For some reason all creative pursuits seem "unrealistic" to me. Maybe it's because all I've ever had drilled into my head through the years are the typical college educated jobs. And to me creative jobs seem almost impossible to attain because you have to be good at what you do. You have to stand out among the thousands of other people looking for the same career and most people absolutely destroy me when it comes to their artistic and technical ability. I feel like those jobs are reserved for the select few and I'm not one of them.
I don't want to believe these things anymore, but I'm having trouble just stopping. If it was that easy I wouldn't be listening to these subliminals. There's so many opportunities in life and it seems like I'm just stuck with the one view that only special people get to actually do what they want, everyone else has to be miserable with their 9-5 grind. Maybe that stems from watching both my parents involved in jobs they hated. They told me I could do anything I wanted in life, but displayed the complete opposite through their actions. And actions always spoke louder than words for me.
Something that's been bothering me is I feel like I'm not as capable of achieving the things so many other people achieve. I've actually been thinking about getting into composing music for video games because I'd be able to do what I love and make some kind of living from it. But I see all the great composers and feel like I'll never get there.
I just don't believe in myself and I never have. I don't give up easily, but at the same time it's kind of like stumbling around in the dark until I reach my goal.
For some reason all creative pursuits seem "unrealistic" to me. Maybe it's because all I've ever had drilled into my head through the years are the typical college educated jobs. And to me creative jobs seem almost impossible to attain because you have to be good at what you do. You have to stand out among the thousands of other people looking for the same career and most people absolutely destroy me when it comes to their artistic and technical ability. I feel like those jobs are reserved for the select few and I'm not one of them.
I don't want to believe these things anymore, but I'm having trouble just stopping. If it was that easy I wouldn't be listening to these subliminals. There's so many opportunities in life and it seems like I'm just stuck with the one view that only special people get to actually do what they want, everyone else has to be miserable with their 9-5 grind. Maybe that stems from watching both my parents involved in jobs they hated. They told me I could do anything I wanted in life, but displayed the complete opposite through their actions. And actions always spoke louder than words for me.
