12-01-2015, 09:36 AM
Not much to show yet, but I'm still making progress. A lot of this stuff is just all internal, the outward results don't really manifest themselves unless I make a huge breakthrough.
Still struggling with social anxiety. I just care too much what people think of me. But I feel like it's more of a case of projection and whenever I interact with someone I feel like they can see these flaws and think I'm a loser. That just really reflects back to my self esteem if anything.
Went to a party and got hammered. That was pretty much my only goal. Everyone always likes me more when I'm drunk, which sucks. Also for some reason I'm better at super smash bros melee when I'm not sober. Anyway it was fun, but I really want to get to a point where I can have that good of a time without alcohol. It's a dangerous road when you just start drinking so you can blend in socially.
Had a moment of clarity with my music. This whole time I really wanted to get signed to a label or have people like my music which essentially put me at the mercy of other people's judgements which sucks. That's not why I got into music. Somewhere along the way I got caught up in what I should do and not what I want to do. And part of that was holding onto music as a form of validation instead of creative expression. So I'd be afraid of making mistakes or making music that was different than the artists I look up to. But music is like your personality, you can't really change it and it's better to go with what you feel than try to be something you aren't. Also I've been working on a track and I'm going with my intuition more and finding it's better if I take all the thinking out of making my music and just trust myself.
Also I've got a bad habit of eating sweets. Comfort food. I'm not fat or anything, but I know sugar contributes to my anxiety. So for my overall health I've decided to cut it out as much as possible. Also have to start working out again. Just have to find something I can stick with. Weight lifting isn't really for me, so I might just do bodyweight stuff.
Still struggling with social anxiety. I just care too much what people think of me. But I feel like it's more of a case of projection and whenever I interact with someone I feel like they can see these flaws and think I'm a loser. That just really reflects back to my self esteem if anything.
Went to a party and got hammered. That was pretty much my only goal. Everyone always likes me more when I'm drunk, which sucks. Also for some reason I'm better at super smash bros melee when I'm not sober. Anyway it was fun, but I really want to get to a point where I can have that good of a time without alcohol. It's a dangerous road when you just start drinking so you can blend in socially.
Had a moment of clarity with my music. This whole time I really wanted to get signed to a label or have people like my music which essentially put me at the mercy of other people's judgements which sucks. That's not why I got into music. Somewhere along the way I got caught up in what I should do and not what I want to do. And part of that was holding onto music as a form of validation instead of creative expression. So I'd be afraid of making mistakes or making music that was different than the artists I look up to. But music is like your personality, you can't really change it and it's better to go with what you feel than try to be something you aren't. Also I've been working on a track and I'm going with my intuition more and finding it's better if I take all the thinking out of making my music and just trust myself.
Also I've got a bad habit of eating sweets. Comfort food. I'm not fat or anything, but I know sugar contributes to my anxiety. So for my overall health I've decided to cut it out as much as possible. Also have to start working out again. Just have to find something I can stick with. Weight lifting isn't really for me, so I might just do bodyweight stuff.
