11-06-2015, 10:02 PM
Thanks guys. We'll see what happens. Fingers crossed. I'm ready to go through hell and back if it means getting the freedom I want.
It's really hard to say. There might be some self esteem issues independent of the fear. But at this point in my life it's more important to address the fear so I can actually survive in life. I can always address the self esteem stuff at a later time. Also I feel like having less fear of people in general and building more relationships will naturally raise my own self esteem. At this point I feel like fear sort of neutralizes any kind of positive interactions I have with people in my life.
There's a ton of people in this world that go through the exact same stuff we do. I've learned through the years that you aren't alone. It always amazes me when two people share such a similar struggle. I think it definitely shows some kind of underlying root cause that can be addressed.
What genre do you make? Or do you experiment in all different types? I'm mainly into drum and bass. I know how tough it is to just finish a track, it's like the more time you spend on it the more the self doubt creeps in. I've got a track I'm working on now that went through 6 revisions, and at this point the song has completely changed and I don't even know if it was for the better haha. I don't know if you can relate to this but I can make a nice 4 or 8 bar loop that sounds like it could be something good, but the closer it gets to actually being a completed song the more the fear sets in. Especially because I compare it to my favorite artists after and it can't even compete with the quality of theirs. Creative struggles sure are a bitch to deal with.
I'll definitely be checking out your journal. Good luck with OF.
(11-06-2015, 10:00 AM)dissonance Wrote: So do you think fear comes before, and is the cause of self-loathing/low-self-esteem?
By the way, the closer to finishing your post I got, the more I was mindboggled, because you literally sound like my doppleganger. I have the exact same problems as you. I've procrastinated getting the part-time job I want, I have a huge wall built up between me and my family because for some reason, I don't want to be close to them, and I put up this closed-off-persona in front of them, and some friends too, except with them, it's a different persona. With them, its an overcompensating persona. Also, I have a lot of agoraphobic tendency as well, which definitely contributed to me putting off getting a job for this long. On top of all that... I make electronic music too!! and I have the exact same perspective and feelings. When I come up with an idea I like, I second guess myself and say, is this really something good, or should i stop working, and work on something new, messing up with the flow. I have a TON of ideas/sketches in my DAW folder, but only a few (very few) actually completed projects. One reason I decided on doing OF is for the music, too, and not fearing whether or not what I make is good or bad, and just MAKING music to practice, because the more I practice the BETTER it will get, and my style will develop more and more. I know this, but my fear of never making something great, or fear of the process of making non-successful songs/tracks and feeling like you're getting nowhere makes me a over-perfectionist, and messes with creative flow, like you said.
For me, I have a few other problems too, like overcompensation or acting like someone who isn't me. But yeah, I can't wait to start this sub. Hopefully Shannon finishes OF 5G soon, because my mom is cutting off funds next year, and I NEED to get that job or I'm screwed.
In a few days, I'm going to start OF 1.1, and start a journal. Cheers.
It's really hard to say. There might be some self esteem issues independent of the fear. But at this point in my life it's more important to address the fear so I can actually survive in life. I can always address the self esteem stuff at a later time. Also I feel like having less fear of people in general and building more relationships will naturally raise my own self esteem. At this point I feel like fear sort of neutralizes any kind of positive interactions I have with people in my life.
There's a ton of people in this world that go through the exact same stuff we do. I've learned through the years that you aren't alone. It always amazes me when two people share such a similar struggle. I think it definitely shows some kind of underlying root cause that can be addressed.
What genre do you make? Or do you experiment in all different types? I'm mainly into drum and bass. I know how tough it is to just finish a track, it's like the more time you spend on it the more the self doubt creeps in. I've got a track I'm working on now that went through 6 revisions, and at this point the song has completely changed and I don't even know if it was for the better haha. I don't know if you can relate to this but I can make a nice 4 or 8 bar loop that sounds like it could be something good, but the closer it gets to actually being a completed song the more the fear sets in. Especially because I compare it to my favorite artists after and it can't even compete with the quality of theirs. Creative struggles sure are a bitch to deal with.
I'll definitely be checking out your journal. Good luck with OF.
