11-06-2015, 10:00 AM
(This post was last modified: 11-06-2015, 10:12 AM by dissonance.)
So do you think fear comes before, and is the cause of self-loathing/low-self-esteem?
By the way, the closer to finishing your post I got, the more I was mindboggled, because you literally sound like my doppleganger. I have the exact same problems as you. I've procrastinated getting the part-time job I want, I have a huge wall built up between me and my family because for some reason, I don't want to be close to them, and I put up this closed-off-persona in front of them, and some friends too, except with them, it's a different persona. With them, its an overcompensating persona. Also, I have a lot of agoraphobic tendency as well, which definitely contributed to me putting off getting a job for this long. On top of all that... I make electronic music too!! and I have the exact same perspective and feelings. When I come up with an idea I like, I second guess myself and say, is this really something good, or should i stop working, and work on something new, messing up with the flow. I have a TON of ideas/sketches in my DAW folder, but only a few (very few) actually completed projects. One reason I decided on doing OF is for the music, too, and not fearing whether or not what I make is good or bad, and just MAKING music to practice, because the more I practice the BETTER it will get, and my style will develop more and more. I know this, but my fear of never making something great, or fear of the process of making non-successful songs/tracks and feeling like you're getting nowhere makes me a over-perfectionist, and messes with creative flow, like you said.
For me, I have a few other problems too, like overcompensation or acting like someone who isn't me. But yeah, I can't wait to start this sub. Hopefully Shannon finishes OF 5G soon, because my mom is cutting off funds next year, and I NEED to get that job or I'm screwed.
In a few days, I'm going to start OF 1.1, and start a journal. Cheers.
By the way, the closer to finishing your post I got, the more I was mindboggled, because you literally sound like my doppleganger. I have the exact same problems as you. I've procrastinated getting the part-time job I want, I have a huge wall built up between me and my family because for some reason, I don't want to be close to them, and I put up this closed-off-persona in front of them, and some friends too, except with them, it's a different persona. With them, its an overcompensating persona. Also, I have a lot of agoraphobic tendency as well, which definitely contributed to me putting off getting a job for this long. On top of all that... I make electronic music too!! and I have the exact same perspective and feelings. When I come up with an idea I like, I second guess myself and say, is this really something good, or should i stop working, and work on something new, messing up with the flow. I have a TON of ideas/sketches in my DAW folder, but only a few (very few) actually completed projects. One reason I decided on doing OF is for the music, too, and not fearing whether or not what I make is good or bad, and just MAKING music to practice, because the more I practice the BETTER it will get, and my style will develop more and more. I know this, but my fear of never making something great, or fear of the process of making non-successful songs/tracks and feeling like you're getting nowhere makes me a over-perfectionist, and messes with creative flow, like you said.
For me, I have a few other problems too, like overcompensation or acting like someone who isn't me. But yeah, I can't wait to start this sub. Hopefully Shannon finishes OF 5G soon, because my mom is cutting off funds next year, and I NEED to get that job or I'm screwed.
In a few days, I'm going to start OF 1.1, and start a journal. Cheers.
