EP's Money Magnet Journal

[Ampersnd]

I have weird problem. 

So... my family pressured me to apply for disability when I lived with my brother. I eventually told him I didn't want to go on disability and he said fine and we told them I didn't want to pursue it anymore. Now I've been turned down for a medical waiver by the Army, so I'm planning on moving back to Florida. I am currently trying to pay off some debts and try to go back to Florida as soon as I'm at least in the black (which should take a few months) but now, all of a sudden the disability people are calling telling me I have a court hearing. I really don't like the thought of going on disability because I don't like the attitude "You're disabled. You need the state taking care of you because you can't make it on your own" after all these years of living dependently. Dad's saying Don't be stubborn. Just talk to the people and if you can get money out of this, take the money" and on one hand, I mean, this does feel like a manifestation of MM because they're offering to give me money. But I don't like it on principle and feel like if I take the money (assuming I get it) I'd be going against those principles. But there's a piece of me that's like "This could really help. You just gonna turn it down?" you know? 

I'm not sure what to do, because I'm thinking of other streams of income I have, and my low paying job is all that comes to mind. I do know social security could help supplement my income enough to pay off my credit and put me in the black (or maybe even the green) and I could save up for the things I want to get to start a side hustle I have thought up, but it just doesn't sit right with me. 

Not sure what moves to make. I tried calling the people I need to talk to, but they didn't answer. I'm going along with it for now, but I really don't want to rely on social security. Trying to think of alternative ideas. 

Also, my dad advises against trying to move back to Florida so fast if I could go on disability. I kinda wanna gtfo Utah and go home asap.

If I say no to the disability, am I self sabotaging the program?

If I'm identifying your concern correctly, it might be that you're worried about what it means about you to accept this money.
That you're leeching from the government, or that you're getting away with something. 

I view it like this: If the state determines that you check a certain set of boxes, and that they want to give you money for it, you can go along with it and make some extra cash. It doesn't have to mean anything more than that. No need to moralize this more than you have to. 
You might think that this dampers your self-image to take money for being "disabled" (the subtext: you are *unable*)