Day 117,
I just plain care too much what people think of me.
It's usually not perceptible, but it works behind the scenes and involves inconveniences just small enough to fly behind the radar.
I saw an ex at the gym; I didn't really care in the moment (pretended that she was not there), but I was bracing myself for a future text message about it (which hasn't happened).
I wanted to approach a woman here or there at this gym, but in one case I worried that she'd be too young (which has happened at that gym before, honest mistake), and I don't want that to happen again. In another case, she was in eyesight of my exe.
Little things. Little compromises.
The fact that I have such a strong desire to improve the state and quality of my life, while at the same time succumbing to a bunch of dumb self-inflicted mental tricks, and losing time, energy, and good decisions, is nearing unbearable.
I just plain care too much what people think of me.
It's usually not perceptible, but it works behind the scenes and involves inconveniences just small enough to fly behind the radar.
I saw an ex at the gym; I didn't really care in the moment (pretended that she was not there), but I was bracing myself for a future text message about it (which hasn't happened).
I wanted to approach a woman here or there at this gym, but in one case I worried that she'd be too young (which has happened at that gym before, honest mistake), and I don't want that to happen again. In another case, she was in eyesight of my exe.
Little things. Little compromises.
The fact that I have such a strong desire to improve the state and quality of my life, while at the same time succumbing to a bunch of dumb self-inflicted mental tricks, and losing time, energy, and good decisions, is nearing unbearable.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
