This week has been difficult for me. In 2010, I inherited a couple of purebred Yorkshire terriers who are are sisters, who my mother decided to get for herself (against my advice) just a little while before she died. Mom was assuming she would live at least another 30 years, but because she had made such bad decisions in some directions, she died at 64.
These two dogs were barely a year old when she died. Maybe not even that, I don't remember, But when my mother died, they were there for me more than anyone else, and because of that and the fact that they had helped my mother be happier in her final days, I accepted them as family and decided to take care of them instead of get rid of them.
That decision turned out to be very expensive for me. On the 13th of this month, the bigger of the two - Dani - died, almost certainly of cancer. She was the one I expected to live longer, because she always has been the bigger and healthier of the two. Her death was also relatively sudden. She went from fine (for her age) to wouldn't eat, to wouldn't drink, to couldn't even get up, to death in only 4 or 5 days. I'm pleased that she didn't suffer long, but this has been a serious blow for me emotionally. On the one hand, I am glad she's passed on to freedom from old age, pain and suffering, and on the other hand, a member of my family has died.
Some people don't think pets "count" when you say you have had a death in the family, but if you bond with the animal deeply enough, it counts every bit as much when it goes. I still have her sister Ami (I wish my mother hadn't named these dogs...), but this has been a difficult time for me, watching Dani go and dealing with keeping Ami comforted and dealing with my own emotional responses at the same time.
Yesterday I took the day off because I knew I was not fit to work emotionally. Today I am working, but the job I am doing is boring, rote, repetitive work that will not be affected by my emotional state.
I'll do my best to be here and keep working and being productive, but wherever I believe my emotional state is not sufficiently stable to work, I will wait until it stabilizes. That is the only way I can know for sure that the quality of my work is being upheld to my standards.
Just to clarify, I'm telling you all this not because I need sympathy or attention, but because I want you to understand the disruption that is happening, has happened and may continue for a time into the future. This is surprisingly difficult for me. So please bear with me and be patient, and I will do the best I can.
These two dogs were barely a year old when she died. Maybe not even that, I don't remember, But when my mother died, they were there for me more than anyone else, and because of that and the fact that they had helped my mother be happier in her final days, I accepted them as family and decided to take care of them instead of get rid of them.
That decision turned out to be very expensive for me. On the 13th of this month, the bigger of the two - Dani - died, almost certainly of cancer. She was the one I expected to live longer, because she always has been the bigger and healthier of the two. Her death was also relatively sudden. She went from fine (for her age) to wouldn't eat, to wouldn't drink, to couldn't even get up, to death in only 4 or 5 days. I'm pleased that she didn't suffer long, but this has been a serious blow for me emotionally. On the one hand, I am glad she's passed on to freedom from old age, pain and suffering, and on the other hand, a member of my family has died.
Some people don't think pets "count" when you say you have had a death in the family, but if you bond with the animal deeply enough, it counts every bit as much when it goes. I still have her sister Ami (I wish my mother hadn't named these dogs...), but this has been a difficult time for me, watching Dani go and dealing with keeping Ami comforted and dealing with my own emotional responses at the same time.
Yesterday I took the day off because I knew I was not fit to work emotionally. Today I am working, but the job I am doing is boring, rote, repetitive work that will not be affected by my emotional state.
I'll do my best to be here and keep working and being productive, but wherever I believe my emotional state is not sufficiently stable to work, I will wait until it stabilizes. That is the only way I can know for sure that the quality of my work is being upheld to my standards.
Just to clarify, I'm telling you all this not because I need sympathy or attention, but because I want you to understand the disruption that is happening, has happened and may continue for a time into the future. This is surprisingly difficult for me. So please bear with me and be patient, and I will do the best I can.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
