01-03-2021, 06:13 AM
Stage 5 Day 21 (0)
I had an interesting dream tonight. I'm having a lot of dreams recently, mainly after alarm clock wakes me up and I set it to run again in another hour or two. I dreamed of going for a walk by the river in early Spring or Autumn setting. I was going alone and I noticed my good old sweetheart (who probably appears most often in my dreams, maybe except my father) also on a walk on another side of the river with her female friend. There were a lot of bridges and paths and we both meandered. She was always for from me, either on the other side or in front. The closest I got was maybe about 10 meters, but they decided to go to the left (away from the river) and I went forward (along the river). Didn't see them after that.
She didn't notice me for a second though I was quite close and at time she'd see me in the corner of her eye. I was thinking about saying "hi" but I was too ashamed or shy to do it. She'd probably just scoff at me I thought. When they went left I thought for a second of going that way as well as to follow them but I didn't want to, I rather wanted to mind my own business. So our path diverged due to my decision.
I can only wonder what that means. Are our paths soon never to cross again? Maybe, we've studied or worked at the same place for almost 10 years now and I plan on bailing from that place. I have no idea what her plans are, she had opportunities to bail but she stayed instead, no idea why. What that meant was that every now and again I'd cross paths with her on the corridors, saying "hi" and doing some small talk perhaps to study the waters if she'd be interested in keeping in touch - she never seemed to be. Due to corona I have no idea when was the last time I saw her and, quite frankly, in a big city I have no idea if I ever see her again. She's as introverted as I am so our friend groups are small and don't overlap.
Maybe that is the end then. Maybe I will never get to say "hi" to her, to hope that maybe I'll have a courage to ask her out for a coffee if she'd nice during small talk. Maybe I will go my own path far away from hers and forget about her forever, like I did girls I had so much more with. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be, see her as a lesson in what fascinates me in women and what to look for in the future. Maybe one day I will stop having dreams about her and forget how she even looks like.
Why does this though make me so damn sad? Why I want the answer to be "no" when there is seemingly nothing I can do not to make it "yes".
In these past 10 years I didn't met anyone like her. I'm scared I never will.
I had an interesting dream tonight. I'm having a lot of dreams recently, mainly after alarm clock wakes me up and I set it to run again in another hour or two. I dreamed of going for a walk by the river in early Spring or Autumn setting. I was going alone and I noticed my good old sweetheart (who probably appears most often in my dreams, maybe except my father) also on a walk on another side of the river with her female friend. There were a lot of bridges and paths and we both meandered. She was always for from me, either on the other side or in front. The closest I got was maybe about 10 meters, but they decided to go to the left (away from the river) and I went forward (along the river). Didn't see them after that.
She didn't notice me for a second though I was quite close and at time she'd see me in the corner of her eye. I was thinking about saying "hi" but I was too ashamed or shy to do it. She'd probably just scoff at me I thought. When they went left I thought for a second of going that way as well as to follow them but I didn't want to, I rather wanted to mind my own business. So our path diverged due to my decision.
I can only wonder what that means. Are our paths soon never to cross again? Maybe, we've studied or worked at the same place for almost 10 years now and I plan on bailing from that place. I have no idea what her plans are, she had opportunities to bail but she stayed instead, no idea why. What that meant was that every now and again I'd cross paths with her on the corridors, saying "hi" and doing some small talk perhaps to study the waters if she'd be interested in keeping in touch - she never seemed to be. Due to corona I have no idea when was the last time I saw her and, quite frankly, in a big city I have no idea if I ever see her again. She's as introverted as I am so our friend groups are small and don't overlap.
Maybe that is the end then. Maybe I will never get to say "hi" to her, to hope that maybe I'll have a courage to ask her out for a coffee if she'd nice during small talk. Maybe I will go my own path far away from hers and forget about her forever, like I did girls I had so much more with. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be, see her as a lesson in what fascinates me in women and what to look for in the future. Maybe one day I will stop having dreams about her and forget how she even looks like.
Why does this though make me so damn sad? Why I want the answer to be "no" when there is seemingly nothing I can do not to make it "yes".
In these past 10 years I didn't met anyone like her. I'm scared I never will.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
