12-20-2020, 10:09 AM
(12-18-2020, 05:45 PM)fab10 Wrote: Thank you for keeping such a detailed journal, I haven’t been able to, and since we are in sync, comparing notes is very useful for me.
No problem and my pleasure. This journal helps me in sorting out my thoughts and feeling on the way forward but I'm happy it serves others as well.
Stage 5 Day 7 (0)
Seriously Shannon, I have no idea what you've put into this stage but I need more of this!
Past 2 days were characterized mostly by hardcore resistance. Which is good as it means it works, there is a difference between feeling lazy and having thoughts of "it's not gonna work" and "why even bother". Lots stuff happened these past 2 days and entire week in general and they make me incredibly optimistic. It's like fate finally gives me all the cards I need to play the Game of Life and these are good cards indeed - how I will play it is up to me of course but if I squander the chance it'll be all on me.
That being said today's anxiety was terrible. It's not fun when you lie on the bad with 100 heart rate due to anxiety and I've never had it this had. I don't wanna get into details just yet (I will if things develop further) but this came from the feelings of uncertainty and lack of control + some serious past baggage. I may give myself false hopes right now and be paying the consequences of it soon, it certainly feels like it right now. But I wanna take my chances and play, if I loose so be it. Anxiety is just a sign that I care and I truly want it.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
