11-09-2020, 03:05 PM
Stage 3 Day 30 (0)
I asked my boss for a week off, I think he'll oblige. Physically I fell normally but mentally I'm in a bad place - my motivation is non-existent right now as I cannot focus on anything. While reading I skip lines and have to backtrack constantly. While working I just stare at the screen dumbfounded, not knowing what to do sometimes. Nothing I could come up with helped so I hope a week of lying on my ass will.
With two day break and start of stage 4 on Thursday I think this is a good time for summary of this stage. But again, it's hard for me to come up with anything coherent now. I'll just say what I said before - this stage overextended me, I tried to do too much too fast. In the past I would make plans, think what to focus on this month and after achieving this I'd move to some different focus. Now I wanted everything at once and I paid the price. And I cannot help but blame myself for this - lack of forgiveness and self-everything (love? appreciation? forgiveness?) was also a staple of this stage.
What I am thankful for however is that it made me look differently as some problems. A month ago I wouldn't be brave enough to quit my job, now it is almost set in stone. Month ago, seeing how I was gaining weight, I'd think it's fine and I will burn it all in Spring. Now I took action and lost some of the fat, not feeling bloated anymore and proving myself I can do it.
I just wish I had more energy guys. If I had more I could do more and maybe I wouldn't blame myself and overextend myself even further, leading me to the state I'm in.
I asked my boss for a week off, I think he'll oblige. Physically I fell normally but mentally I'm in a bad place - my motivation is non-existent right now as I cannot focus on anything. While reading I skip lines and have to backtrack constantly. While working I just stare at the screen dumbfounded, not knowing what to do sometimes. Nothing I could come up with helped so I hope a week of lying on my ass will.
With two day break and start of stage 4 on Thursday I think this is a good time for summary of this stage. But again, it's hard for me to come up with anything coherent now. I'll just say what I said before - this stage overextended me, I tried to do too much too fast. In the past I would make plans, think what to focus on this month and after achieving this I'd move to some different focus. Now I wanted everything at once and I paid the price. And I cannot help but blame myself for this - lack of forgiveness and self-everything (love? appreciation? forgiveness?) was also a staple of this stage.
What I am thankful for however is that it made me look differently as some problems. A month ago I wouldn't be brave enough to quit my job, now it is almost set in stone. Month ago, seeing how I was gaining weight, I'd think it's fine and I will burn it all in Spring. Now I took action and lost some of the fat, not feeling bloated anymore and proving myself I can do it.
I just wish I had more energy guys. If I had more I could do more and maybe I wouldn't blame myself and overextend myself even further, leading me to the state I'm in.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
