10-24-2020, 03:21 PM
Stage Day 14 (0)
OK, so this is interesting. I haven't update my CV yet (I have a week for that so no worries) but I was thinking a lot about this whole ordeal today, especially during my 10k walk. And I became hopeful and even colors became brighter. Let me explain.
I love my work. I work with something I'm passionate about, coworkers are awesome, pay is very good as well as job security, there are stable prospects for the future, lots of opportunities... And I say this with straight face. But there are two problems.
The first one is that the work follows me home. This was as issue in the past but now with remote work it's extremely serious. When I don't have to worry about work like today I'm happy and cheerful. When I have to work, even if I think I've done my due, it still lingers as its hard to impossible to leave things hanging. 80% of my work seems to be about fixing what's broken and trying to find out why it doesn't work, which is extremely frustrating. Too many moving parts, too much to keep in mind - so hard to get rid of it once you're in the zone. Even worse is that anxiety about working on project that didn't work and you left it for another day is tremendous because of all of this and I do like 4-5 things in parallel, joggling between them.
Second thing is work makes it impossible to be passionate about it. When I want to do something fun, learn new stuff etc. what ends up happening is I wonder if it will be useful for my work. If not then I should disregard it and work instead. It's been like 2 years since last time I've done something really fun just for myself. I'd love to have that feeling back.
And change of career path would solve these problems. 9-to-5 work would allow me to disengage after the shift. Change of topic would allow me to enjoy my passion again in my free time, just for fun. Pay would be similar and possibly higher so that's great. Security would be lower and colleagues might fight me in the rat race but I'm ready for it. And the best thing? If I accomplish what I've started in the next year I'll have resume strong enough I'll be able to get back to my current work at any time pretty much.
I'm not sure if it will work. Maybe I won't qualify, maybe I'll figure that's not as fun as I think, maybe I will want to stay. But the idea is tempting and even if things don't work out with this one I may well try my luck elsewhere. Because these thoughts of peace of mind and regaining my passion are too tempting to pass.
OK, so this is interesting. I haven't update my CV yet (I have a week for that so no worries) but I was thinking a lot about this whole ordeal today, especially during my 10k walk. And I became hopeful and even colors became brighter. Let me explain.
I love my work. I work with something I'm passionate about, coworkers are awesome, pay is very good as well as job security, there are stable prospects for the future, lots of opportunities... And I say this with straight face. But there are two problems.
The first one is that the work follows me home. This was as issue in the past but now with remote work it's extremely serious. When I don't have to worry about work like today I'm happy and cheerful. When I have to work, even if I think I've done my due, it still lingers as its hard to impossible to leave things hanging. 80% of my work seems to be about fixing what's broken and trying to find out why it doesn't work, which is extremely frustrating. Too many moving parts, too much to keep in mind - so hard to get rid of it once you're in the zone. Even worse is that anxiety about working on project that didn't work and you left it for another day is tremendous because of all of this and I do like 4-5 things in parallel, joggling between them.
Second thing is work makes it impossible to be passionate about it. When I want to do something fun, learn new stuff etc. what ends up happening is I wonder if it will be useful for my work. If not then I should disregard it and work instead. It's been like 2 years since last time I've done something really fun just for myself. I'd love to have that feeling back.
And change of career path would solve these problems. 9-to-5 work would allow me to disengage after the shift. Change of topic would allow me to enjoy my passion again in my free time, just for fun. Pay would be similar and possibly higher so that's great. Security would be lower and colleagues might fight me in the rat race but I'm ready for it. And the best thing? If I accomplish what I've started in the next year I'll have resume strong enough I'll be able to get back to my current work at any time pretty much.
I'm not sure if it will work. Maybe I won't qualify, maybe I'll figure that's not as fun as I think, maybe I will want to stay. But the idea is tempting and even if things don't work out with this one I may well try my luck elsewhere. Because these thoughts of peace of mind and regaining my passion are too tempting to pass.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
