10-02-2020, 01:00 PM
Addendum
So I'm back from another walk. I just wanna note that I have 3 types of walks - podcast, playlist and single song. The last one I was talking about was playlist but today was single song. "Inside Out" by Five Finger Death Punch to be precise.
Two things. First I got angry. Like really angry but without adrenaline burst. Later I realized what I felt was disappointment and resentment. I am in this situation right now and I won't be able to change it much in the next 12 months. It's shitty situation but I don't really care, it's just that... I don't know, I miss a little bit the old order I guess. Anyhow I have 3 options. What I'm doing right now is keeping the status quo. Like I said, I cannot be bothered to care. I could also escalate things, be an asshole and feel some satisfactions. I don't wanna do that cause I don't want this to be done to me. And lastly I could talk it through, be a larger man and get to some understanding. I probably should do that but I simply cannot. Thought of giving another chance makes me weary as all the same crap will happen again and again in perpetua.
Second this is I realized I want to bulk up. After a long fight with my weight I'm finally comfortable with it but that cannot be the end. Next stop would be to bulk up, build some muscles and stamina and strength. Some time ago, just to see how it would work, I bought myself some protein powder and damn, it's expensive but sooooo tasty! I think I will start drinking like 1/4 or so of a proposed dosage because I don't exercise too much nowadays but if the idea sticks I might do some more in that direction. I'd say I want to start in Spring but that sounds like a delay tactic - I'll see how much time and energy I'll have once normal work begins in like 10 days and then I'll make my decisions.
By that time I should be at the middle of Stage 3 anyway, I'm sure this will change my perspective. Right now I'm not eager to go to the gym (even before corona it was questionable for me), but there are options to work out from hole - I have space, I can buy some accessories and I want to use the time I'd be spending on my walks listening to podcasts or watching YT. It really sounds like a good plan.
So I'm back from another walk. I just wanna note that I have 3 types of walks - podcast, playlist and single song. The last one I was talking about was playlist but today was single song. "Inside Out" by Five Finger Death Punch to be precise.
Two things. First I got angry. Like really angry but without adrenaline burst. Later I realized what I felt was disappointment and resentment. I am in this situation right now and I won't be able to change it much in the next 12 months. It's shitty situation but I don't really care, it's just that... I don't know, I miss a little bit the old order I guess. Anyhow I have 3 options. What I'm doing right now is keeping the status quo. Like I said, I cannot be bothered to care. I could also escalate things, be an asshole and feel some satisfactions. I don't wanna do that cause I don't want this to be done to me. And lastly I could talk it through, be a larger man and get to some understanding. I probably should do that but I simply cannot. Thought of giving another chance makes me weary as all the same crap will happen again and again in perpetua.
Second this is I realized I want to bulk up. After a long fight with my weight I'm finally comfortable with it but that cannot be the end. Next stop would be to bulk up, build some muscles and stamina and strength. Some time ago, just to see how it would work, I bought myself some protein powder and damn, it's expensive but sooooo tasty! I think I will start drinking like 1/4 or so of a proposed dosage because I don't exercise too much nowadays but if the idea sticks I might do some more in that direction. I'd say I want to start in Spring but that sounds like a delay tactic - I'll see how much time and energy I'll have once normal work begins in like 10 days and then I'll make my decisions.
By that time I should be at the middle of Stage 3 anyway, I'm sure this will change my perspective. Right now I'm not eager to go to the gym (even before corona it was questionable for me), but there are options to work out from hole - I have space, I can buy some accessories and I want to use the time I'd be spending on my walks listening to podcasts or watching YT. It really sounds like a good plan.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
