Thanks everyone for the support, it means a ton to me.
The resistance has lessened a bit after I bombed it with another day of AM6 loops. Instead of outright screaming, It’s being reduced to something less than screaming but still present. I noticed in the morning that there’s another side of me that’s rising up. It’s almost like a militant, aggressive send of self worth bubbling up.
I’m noticing that there’s two sides of me that’s duking it out. One side, the confident AM side that praises my own boundaries and is the angry and wants to express its own self worth. This is the public face that everyone i know sees, which is why people get surprised that I’m depressed. It’s also the side where I express my advice to people and such. This part of me is mixing with the so called darkness I thought of as the societal definitions of masculinity, not unlike that of a caveman.
The other side of me, is like a slimy, sticky, equally dark but is filled with the embodiments of low self esteem, self loathing, neediness and all things depressing and toxic. It’s the voice that was screaming and making me want to escape into LTU 6( ironically would have been out of the pan and into the fire type of deal). It’s the side of me that comes out when I’m alone and have nothing to preoccupy myself with.
Edit: at least I have a few days left of stage 4 so there’s a silver lining at least
The resistance has lessened a bit after I bombed it with another day of AM6 loops. Instead of outright screaming, It’s being reduced to something less than screaming but still present. I noticed in the morning that there’s another side of me that’s rising up. It’s almost like a militant, aggressive send of self worth bubbling up.
I’m noticing that there’s two sides of me that’s duking it out. One side, the confident AM side that praises my own boundaries and is the angry and wants to express its own self worth. This is the public face that everyone i know sees, which is why people get surprised that I’m depressed. It’s also the side where I express my advice to people and such. This part of me is mixing with the so called darkness I thought of as the societal definitions of masculinity, not unlike that of a caveman.
The other side of me, is like a slimy, sticky, equally dark but is filled with the embodiments of low self esteem, self loathing, neediness and all things depressing and toxic. It’s the voice that was screaming and making me want to escape into LTU 6( ironically would have been out of the pan and into the fire type of deal). It’s the side of me that comes out when I’m alone and have nothing to preoccupy myself with.
Edit: at least I have a few days left of stage 4 so there’s a silver lining at least
