[b]Alpha Male 6.0 Stage 1 Day 21 05/12/2020
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HAd another zombie dream again. I was with 2 people and we were raiding other people while fighting zombies. For some reason, I can't fight the humans. None of my actions had much of an effect on people.
Today's energy levels are absurdly low and feel like absolute trash emotionally. Still centered around me comparing myself to others. Its been with me through childhood and throughout so it will take time to change. Im sure later stages address this.
Alpha male 6.0 Stage 1 Day 24 05/15/2020
Feeling suicidal today something is happening under the hood.
Alpha Male 6.0 Stage 1 Day 27 05/18/2020
This stage is all about clearing and it primarily happens through dreams for me. As of recent memory, this is the first time in many years where i felt intense fear in my dreams that may have been related to the program. The dream was so visceral that it shook me through the core and jolted me awake. One of the rare times where I felt a primal fight or flight response in my dreams.
The whole scene containing a lot of blood and some kind of supernatural unknown danger. it shook me so hard that my mind immediately manifested someone to hold me as I was mentally breaking down within my dream. Sort of like a mother figure, she was trying to protect me from the sight as my mind was being overloaded. I knew that whatever caused
the bloodshed was after me and the person trying to comfort me. I had the thought to fully experience the scene again despite the total and absolute fear it was causing in me. for some reason, I knew that if I never confront it, I would become the same monster that was the root of this fear. This was highlighted after i "died" and became a monster.
What I found interesting is the sheer intensity of the dream and the scene itself. I haven't watched any horror or any that would inspire the content of the dream. Another thing is the woman I manifested in the dream that was comforting me. I was mentally thinking I was going through a psychotic break and was repeatedly thinking that. Typing this out makes it sound like I was fondled by a Lovecraftian god or something.
Theories and interpretation of the dream.
In relation to the stage, I'm in, its typically considered to be the cleanup stage, where the old beliefs are being removed in preparation for the next stages. With the limited understanding of fear-based responses that i know of, it's entirely possible that what I experienced is the sub removing a thought and/or belief that I held on for so long that it became my identity. This, in my subconscious, was equated to being killed by something so horrifyingly foreign that can reach into the deepest rooted parts of my identity and effectively remove it.
At this level of subconscious beliefs or identity, whatever is the deepest rooted belief tends to have the most weight and in this realm, your beliefs are the concept of you and are self-sustaining. With any attempts to change it, the intruding or contrary thought and belief would have to essentially fight and compete with the status quo until it overpowers the existing thought or beliefs and replaces it as a part of your identity. This can explain the immediate manifestation of the woman I had comforting and shielding me from what was happening. Because in this mental world, I was being massacred due and being replaced or converted by the beliefs of AM6 and explaining the first three parts of the dream.
The aspect of revisiting the original scene could be a war of acclimating to the fear response, or a way to reinforce the new set of beliefs that I was violently transitioned to. if this interpretation is what happened under the hood then the Naturalizer might have slipped somewhere and I got rocked LOL.
[/b]
HAd another zombie dream again. I was with 2 people and we were raiding other people while fighting zombies. For some reason, I can't fight the humans. None of my actions had much of an effect on people.
Today's energy levels are absurdly low and feel like absolute trash emotionally. Still centered around me comparing myself to others. Its been with me through childhood and throughout so it will take time to change. Im sure later stages address this.
Alpha male 6.0 Stage 1 Day 24 05/15/2020
Feeling suicidal today something is happening under the hood.
Alpha Male 6.0 Stage 1 Day 27 05/18/2020
This stage is all about clearing and it primarily happens through dreams for me. As of recent memory, this is the first time in many years where i felt intense fear in my dreams that may have been related to the program. The dream was so visceral that it shook me through the core and jolted me awake. One of the rare times where I felt a primal fight or flight response in my dreams.
The whole scene containing a lot of blood and some kind of supernatural unknown danger. it shook me so hard that my mind immediately manifested someone to hold me as I was mentally breaking down within my dream. Sort of like a mother figure, she was trying to protect me from the sight as my mind was being overloaded. I knew that whatever caused
the bloodshed was after me and the person trying to comfort me. I had the thought to fully experience the scene again despite the total and absolute fear it was causing in me. for some reason, I knew that if I never confront it, I would become the same monster that was the root of this fear. This was highlighted after i "died" and became a monster.
What I found interesting is the sheer intensity of the dream and the scene itself. I haven't watched any horror or any that would inspire the content of the dream. Another thing is the woman I manifested in the dream that was comforting me. I was mentally thinking I was going through a psychotic break and was repeatedly thinking that. Typing this out makes it sound like I was fondled by a Lovecraftian god or something.
Theories and interpretation of the dream.
In relation to the stage, I'm in, its typically considered to be the cleanup stage, where the old beliefs are being removed in preparation for the next stages. With the limited understanding of fear-based responses that i know of, it's entirely possible that what I experienced is the sub removing a thought and/or belief that I held on for so long that it became my identity. This, in my subconscious, was equated to being killed by something so horrifyingly foreign that can reach into the deepest rooted parts of my identity and effectively remove it.
At this level of subconscious beliefs or identity, whatever is the deepest rooted belief tends to have the most weight and in this realm, your beliefs are the concept of you and are self-sustaining. With any attempts to change it, the intruding or contrary thought and belief would have to essentially fight and compete with the status quo until it overpowers the existing thought or beliefs and replaces it as a part of your identity. This can explain the immediate manifestation of the woman I had comforting and shielding me from what was happening. Because in this mental world, I was being massacred due and being replaced or converted by the beliefs of AM6 and explaining the first three parts of the dream.
The aspect of revisiting the original scene could be a war of acclimating to the fear response, or a way to reinforce the new set of beliefs that I was violently transitioned to. if this interpretation is what happened under the hood then the Naturalizer might have slipped somewhere and I got rocked LOL.
