Alpha Male 6.0 Stage 1 Day 12 05/03/2020
So to expand on the whole random spazzing I have been getting, I can be going about my day and then suddenly remember something embarrassing, it completely overrides whatever I’m doing and I involuntarily say something until it goes away. I have been having that type of incident for years now and i never really put it into words until now. Likely to be a couple of the healing modules and OGSF. im trying to get through it but im not sure how to quite deal with it.
OGSF is hitting me hard though. I feel it working in the background relating to my first relationship where I stumbled around making massive mistakes that effectively costed the relationship. I had a massive amount of self-victimization that took years to process slowly. Over the years, I processed the emotion and took on the uncomfortable truths of the relationship and im guess im feeling the remnants that deeper being dug up from the depths of my mind.
Talking to A has been vastly easier now as I got comfortable with it and im less needy about it. As we talk more and more since the last update, I noticed the transition between literally feeling the fear of her distancing herself and running away to not caring how she reacts. This is quite important as, the summer of last year till now, I placed her on the highest pedestal to in my life, and im seeing it being lowered rn. It's quite a huge development because i see it a noticeable internal shift in value.
As for reading material, I'm still subscribed to Mark Manson's ideal of an Alpha Male where the man has a strong foundation in self-improvement and lack of neediness. Which expresses itself as strong self-confidence and acceptance of self.
So to expand on the whole random spazzing I have been getting, I can be going about my day and then suddenly remember something embarrassing, it completely overrides whatever I’m doing and I involuntarily say something until it goes away. I have been having that type of incident for years now and i never really put it into words until now. Likely to be a couple of the healing modules and OGSF. im trying to get through it but im not sure how to quite deal with it.
OGSF is hitting me hard though. I feel it working in the background relating to my first relationship where I stumbled around making massive mistakes that effectively costed the relationship. I had a massive amount of self-victimization that took years to process slowly. Over the years, I processed the emotion and took on the uncomfortable truths of the relationship and im guess im feeling the remnants that deeper being dug up from the depths of my mind.
Talking to A has been vastly easier now as I got comfortable with it and im less needy about it. As we talk more and more since the last update, I noticed the transition between literally feeling the fear of her distancing herself and running away to not caring how she reacts. This is quite important as, the summer of last year till now, I placed her on the highest pedestal to in my life, and im seeing it being lowered rn. It's quite a huge development because i see it a noticeable internal shift in value.
As for reading material, I'm still subscribed to Mark Manson's ideal of an Alpha Male where the man has a strong foundation in self-improvement and lack of neediness. Which expresses itself as strong self-confidence and acceptance of self.
