Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Yes. As you clear something, it opens the way to clear deeper and deeper things. Eventually you will be seeing less and less resistance until it just flows.

I will really consider your suggestion then. Eh, I just hope that if I decide to go through with doing 6 months of this I will see even more permanent concrete results. Not that I haven't seen some to a degree right now but just hope it will just be an obvious transformation when I look back from a few months from now. 

I did want to give an update of something I experienced this morning. I woke up after my 3 night listening (I literally start listening to my loops 10 mins or so before 12am then I go to sleep) feeling different right away. Went to the rest room and looked in the mirror and something seemed really different about myself and it felt like something was missing internally. I don't know what it was but the fact that i noticed something really big was missing (most likely cleared over night) started freaking me out and I noticed my breathing started to increase rapidly. I had to calm myself down. Still don't know what got cleared but it must have been something foundational to cause that type of reaction. I did notice one other thing that my internal thoughts felt more clear and concise. There was less "fogginess" in my thinking I believe. Going along with the theme I alluded to before I started thinking about these flashbacks and I literally said why am I even concerned with these past memories of what people even thought of me for? Its not like they are going about their day thinking about me from a long time ago. They probably have most likely forgotten and here I am  having the memory of them control my future like an idiot. I don't think that is the last of it at least I'm not sure yet. There might be more later on I have to deal with on this issue. 

One other thing I felt was I thought about the girl I'm talking to currently and literally admitted in my mind that I love her and did so without any fear or confusion I just realized right now. Usually if I realized I had feelings for someone I normally start to feel this fear that comes with it. I will admit after years and years of being mistreated by women, having my feelings savagely destroyed with no mercy on their part, or being used I think that is where I get the accompanying fear from. I think after all that I just became "jaded" about the idea of having feelings for someone else or loving them to the point that it felt like "oh here this goes again. I'm just going to get abused like I did last time". So to have this change in thought and not have this fear response is something big for me. 

As for other things going on I have been searching though potential jobs that I might apply for once I graduate and get my other certs, etc in order. I think the LM in this sub has lead me to an good deal regarding a company I was thinking about working for. It is a international learning center with a branch in Dubai. Turns out if I decide to get my English teacher qualification and take the math qualification I could potentially get an job that pays 3,800 USD a month. This is already with them providing accommodation, transportation to/from the school, and free utilities. Only thing I would have to pay for out of pocket is internet, gym, and food. Would be able to easily pocket 3,400+ a month (since its tax free as well). So, I will be keeping an eye out for this type of job. Only catch with this company is that they do work long hours (7:30am - 4pm) and seems like at least 1 Saturday a month. I am still open to other countries as well though since I can find similar deals probably in China. 

As for my current work of courses, I will be taking a final test for an class in a couple of hours and after I pass that I will get right away working out the things I need to know for the math class. With any luck I will then take the class in the morning and then when that happens I only have 1 class left. Almost there. Funny enough I will be the first person in my family to actually graduate from college with an bachelors degree. I feel like LTU is influencing me in another way as well. For whatever reason early I was actually considering after teaching in an Foreign country for a while and if I got my finances in order I might try to apply to one of the Ivy league schools for graduate school (whether for an MBA or Computer science degree). Anyway, this thought had never really crossed my mind before in any serious way. Sure when I was really young and in high-school I had "daydreamed" about going to one of those schools but this felt like I was really considering it and felt like I had a very good chance of getting in. I guess it might be the success part of this sub starting to work its magic. Its probably directing me down the path that would lead to the most success. 

With that last part in mind I will seriously consider what Shannon said about staying on this for a bit longer. I did have an question if you don't mind @Shannon. Do you know if the LM component of this sub has the potential to be permanent? I know for things like the aura for DMSI, for example, won't last because it requires too much power. So the subconscious doesn't want to keep outputting such an aura. I wondering though is this the same case for "luck" though? I know you said in the past as well that the components for what we regard as "luck" is something we naturally have and all your doing is directing it. Does this require a lot of energy to do that though?