JAKE'S EHPRA 2.0

[Jake2015]

Day 48 Continued and Day 1 of NO E2

I want to begin with yesterday....


I managed to work on the assignment/project from 11pm - 4am.

I worked and became motivated and found to just work easily, as if I was in a flow.

I DONT UNDERSTAND, I don't understand why I procrastinated and avoided the work because when I started it I then got on with it. It doesn't just doesn't make any sense why I do this to myself, why I self sabotage.

Its as if something inside of me says don't work even when consciously I want to work, when consciously I'm motivated, when consciously I feel I want to study hard, and show my ability and knowledge and be the best in the class...... then why CANT i do it???

I stopped listening to E2 last night too so I listened to music and just did the work.


Today:

I woke and felt okay, I didn't feel abnormal or anything.

I got to uni and have just got back.

I heard that girls in another group were discussing my age and asking my age. Im a mature student but this isn't needed.

A friend told me and him just telling me over an hour ago made me feel anxious and I kinda still do.

There is no reason for me to feel anxious, but yet I do and I don't know why.


IYGSH or Overcome Procrastination

Today I've been thinking which do I use and why?

Do I use IYGSH or overcome Procrastination or even UMotivation?

My situation is that I want to study, I want to work but I don't.

I want to also sleep right and hit the gym and do my workouts but I don't.

I want to do very well in my studies but I don't.

I wait till the last minute to study and then study otherwise all year I dream and think of studying but I don't.

I am a great planner, I can sit and plan for hours and work out the little details but then I don't take action.

My motivation is always SUPER HIGH at the start of any project, goal, dream and then goes down quickly.

I see others, studying, hitting the gym, eating right, doing whatever they Must, doing their DAILY negotiable and yet I'm still where I've always been...nothing has changed for me.

I want to eat right, I want to meal prep at the weekend and eat properly and healthy and right to lose all my fat but i don't.

I can cook but then I don't want to eat what I've cooked, instead I rather eat something for a restaurant or diner/takeout.

I don't understand it, I have goals to hit as well as study but I don't.

I come home thinking okay ill do work but I get home and I get lazy and just lazier and lazier.

I can sit for hours at my computer, watching youtube, or researching something but I don't do what I need to, what I must.

I have tried E2 in the hope that it clears my issues and so it hasnt and I was thinking of moving to IYGSH but now I'm wondering which is better or best for me, is it IYGSH or is it UM or OP.

I have to do a project/assignment to present in class tomorrow, its small doesn't have to be big or a big deal but I'm not even starting it yet. I have to finish another and present on thursday. I have 5 big exams looming in June that I must study for too. I have a resit exam to do in August and I MUST pass this exam. So what sub should I do and why? Im a little down today and its the first time I feel shitty when normally I'm not.

Im also wondering if MLS 5.5G will be the sub to help too or would IYGSH be better for me out of these too or is UM or OP or another sub better for me. I need something that isn't subtle as E2, that will smash me in the face and get me moving please. Sad