Good evening ladies and gentleman,
I'm starting to write this journal as a way to take notes and self report on my emotional state and healing journey to be finally able to complete my PhD in physics.
I first got into the (free) EHPRA 5.0G version for a simple reason; I wanted to see the and feel the results for myself before spending money on more advanced programs. As a scientist I'm highly skeptical of many of the claims subliminals tend to make towards the change of human behavior, emotion and especially physical changes. However, I'm open minded and do not believe that only "truths" published in peer-reviewed journals hold the entire knowledge of human existence. Subliminals are one of these fringe subjects were I could see the difficulty in proving their efficacy.
To my story; I'm a 31 year old PhD student in physics and currently in the phase of completing and writing up my thesis. My whole journey to this point was very rocky with a negligent and ultimately abusive advisor destroying my dreams of becoming a successful scientist. However, I somehow managed to hold onto my degree, going through phases of depression and also therapy. Currently I'm not able to work properly, my thesis is in an almost eternal state of "not finished" and I try as much as I can to finish it. So much has happened to me in these years of my PhD that working on my thesis and thinking about the subject feels like overcoming a mountain every time I attempt it.
So it happens that most of my days are filled with extreme procrastination and a cycle of self-sabotage that is remarkable to myself. I have not been like this in the past and I tried, for years, every method under the sun to snap out of it again. I'm still trying to complete working a whacky side job that barely pays my rent, however when I have time to work on my thesis I usually don't do it or sink into addictive patterns (Porn, Reddit, Youtube, you name it).
I know that a lot of my resistance to finish this project comes from the emotional trauma I received from my supervisor and also partly due to the baggage I still carry around from childhood. My parents have never been abusive but I was certainly missing a strong father figure in my life.
I really hope EHPRA was the right choice to work on these emotional problems that stop me from getting into the next chapter of my life. So let's get to the meat of the subject:
Day 1;
On the 14th of May I already downloaded the free ASC subliminal as self-confidence has also become an issue during my work. The first thing I was surprised about was that the ultrasonic track is actually causing a physical sensation. I was sure that ultrasonic sound should be completely imperceptible but I certainly felt something. A strong tingling sensation (a bit like before the drop in a roller coaster) permeated me throughout the subliminal and got weaker with time.
When I decided that EHPRA would be the right choice for me on the 16th of May I switched to that. The sensation was remarkably different. Instead of the tingling from ASC I feel a soft sense of calmness and peace in the same area I felt the tingling before. It is a small but noticeable change to the often lingering anxiety I feel.
I also saw that under the direct influence of a loop it is much easier for me to change states. Today during lunch break I stopped the loops and felt a sense of hopelessness and angst creep back into me. I was completely unable to work after lunch until I went home and started to listen to EHPRA again. Slowly but surely the state shifted to one of calmness and tranquility. When I arrived at home I felt at peace again.
As a last point something (maybe) coincidental happened. During the session with my therapist today I could resolve a long standing issue regarding my father I carried around as emotional baggage. It is weird this comes up now even though for months we were working on a different subject, in addition the last sessions have not nearly been as emotional. Maybe something inside of me wanted to resolve the important issues after I listened to EHPRA loops all night long.
I will have a look for more changes in the next couple of days and report accordingly. Best!
I'm starting to write this journal as a way to take notes and self report on my emotional state and healing journey to be finally able to complete my PhD in physics.
I first got into the (free) EHPRA 5.0G version for a simple reason; I wanted to see the and feel the results for myself before spending money on more advanced programs. As a scientist I'm highly skeptical of many of the claims subliminals tend to make towards the change of human behavior, emotion and especially physical changes. However, I'm open minded and do not believe that only "truths" published in peer-reviewed journals hold the entire knowledge of human existence. Subliminals are one of these fringe subjects were I could see the difficulty in proving their efficacy.
To my story; I'm a 31 year old PhD student in physics and currently in the phase of completing and writing up my thesis. My whole journey to this point was very rocky with a negligent and ultimately abusive advisor destroying my dreams of becoming a successful scientist. However, I somehow managed to hold onto my degree, going through phases of depression and also therapy. Currently I'm not able to work properly, my thesis is in an almost eternal state of "not finished" and I try as much as I can to finish it. So much has happened to me in these years of my PhD that working on my thesis and thinking about the subject feels like overcoming a mountain every time I attempt it.
So it happens that most of my days are filled with extreme procrastination and a cycle of self-sabotage that is remarkable to myself. I have not been like this in the past and I tried, for years, every method under the sun to snap out of it again. I'm still trying to complete working a whacky side job that barely pays my rent, however when I have time to work on my thesis I usually don't do it or sink into addictive patterns (Porn, Reddit, Youtube, you name it).
I know that a lot of my resistance to finish this project comes from the emotional trauma I received from my supervisor and also partly due to the baggage I still carry around from childhood. My parents have never been abusive but I was certainly missing a strong father figure in my life.
I really hope EHPRA was the right choice to work on these emotional problems that stop me from getting into the next chapter of my life. So let's get to the meat of the subject:
Day 1;
On the 14th of May I already downloaded the free ASC subliminal as self-confidence has also become an issue during my work. The first thing I was surprised about was that the ultrasonic track is actually causing a physical sensation. I was sure that ultrasonic sound should be completely imperceptible but I certainly felt something. A strong tingling sensation (a bit like before the drop in a roller coaster) permeated me throughout the subliminal and got weaker with time.
When I decided that EHPRA would be the right choice for me on the 16th of May I switched to that. The sensation was remarkably different. Instead of the tingling from ASC I feel a soft sense of calmness and peace in the same area I felt the tingling before. It is a small but noticeable change to the often lingering anxiety I feel.
I also saw that under the direct influence of a loop it is much easier for me to change states. Today during lunch break I stopped the loops and felt a sense of hopelessness and angst creep back into me. I was completely unable to work after lunch until I went home and started to listen to EHPRA again. Slowly but surely the state shifted to one of calmness and tranquility. When I arrived at home I felt at peace again.
As a last point something (maybe) coincidental happened. During the session with my therapist today I could resolve a long standing issue regarding my father I carried around as emotional baggage. It is weird this comes up now even though for months we were working on a different subject, in addition the last sessions have not nearly been as emotional. Maybe something inside of me wanted to resolve the important issues after I listened to EHPRA loops all night long.
I will have a look for more changes in the next couple of days and report accordingly. Best!
.
