JAKE'S EHPRA 2.0

[Jake2015]

Day 40 - Update

1st nobody has got back to my last post, so can some of you tell me if you think its E2 or just random that I got those nightmares please.

Since then nothing has happened however my apartment has become a mess, maybe due to exams nearing. I wonder if this is resistance or just me being messy or stress related and something that E2 can deal with, any thoughts?

I havent fapped for 1.5 weeks, due to reading on here something about it and seeing that theres this whole big movement about how not rapping increases energy etc, no idea if its true but will test my will power and see how long I can resist.

I have poor body image I have realised. I don't like the way I look. I thought I did and I know I can act in public as if I do but I've realised I don't like my weight, my hairless, my stretch marks as a guy (I only saw these today on my belly) and I now don't think my face is attractive to women.

Is this E2 revealing this or is it me just realising I've this issue.

I realised today too that since being around 6 I've had low self esteem that I mask well. I have ups and downs like all people but I realise that I've never believed myself to be pretty or handsome even though when I was in my late teens I honestly thought I was attractive however didn't believe someone else would find me attractive if that makes sense.

The thing is why now am I even thinking about all this crap??


Addendum (a few hours after writing the above):
I didn't realise but as the days gone on, I'm feeling lost and shit. Im in my apartment and was going to go to a shop but decided not to so that I could do some studying instead I've done nothing and felt crap. I havent listened to the sub all day only at night but Ive started US from my phone and then thought I should come and add this information here to this post. No idea why I'm feeling crap.