JAKE'S EHPRA 2.0

[Jake2015]

Day 27days - Update

So I've been listening only to US at night. Getting between 6-12hours listening but daily average is more like 8hrs accurately. You all know how I listen from my previous posts so read those if you havent.

So why an update today, well I'm not feeling good so wanted to share and see what you all think as well as note this now for my journal - stay with me and read to the end - I will try and keep to the most salient of details.

Today is Sunday April 30th. Its a bank holiday/national holiday/national vacation weekend here. Monday there is therefore no University.

So I had made plans to study and get moving this weekend and NOTHING has happened.

Friday my landlord came. I woke and had only a small cake and cup of tea for breakfast.

Landlord came with workmen and women and left 5hours later. I ate and drank nothing this whole time.

Yeh I wasnt too happy inside.

Then I had to rush for an appointment at my physiotherapists.

I finally ate at 8pm I think. I ate late, I ate heavy and I then chilled watching sad Robin Williams tribute videos on youtube and getting emotional and teary.

Youtube is very addictive yet I thought when i took my laptop to my bedroom, that I was going to watch a movie instead I watched tributes to Robin Williams (actor) that I didn't see when he passed away. I basically wasted time until 3am. Then I slept.

Yesterday was Saturday - I woke late at around 1pm. I fancied ordering some meaty food and instead ordered some chinese which was awful but I waited till 4pm and ate it once it arrived.

I felt very very lazy, unmotivated, totally fed up if I'm honest. I don't really have a social group at this university, so I'm not out chilling with people but alone in my apartment keeping myself busy with myself lol

I felt bad and then decided to watch a movie so did and basically just picked and ate at the chinese and eventually I think i fell asleep around 1pm.

Today Sunday, April 30th, I woke around 10am, went to the bathroom and back to bed again.

I should have woken up as my sleep is bad as you all know from my previous posts but anyway I slept.

I woke then around noon/12pm and stayed in bed reading journals etc from my phone (journals here from you guys and gals).

I finally got out of bed at 2pm deciding to order that meaty feast so went online and placed an order for delivery and spent loads of money again today and thus this whole weekend without actually going out!!

Today while the time dragged on in bed, I realised I felt both tired, very tired but also unmotivated and apathetic.

I realised that if I have nothing to wake up for, not an internal reason such as a self imposed goal to wake up to study but rather an external reason such as landlord is coming or I have class at uni, then I won't wake up, ill happily stay in bed and be in bed until 3pm.

I have no idea why or where all this is coming from but I'm not impressed by my wasting of time this weekend nor am I aware of why I felt so dejected and unmotivated and lost yesterday.

Today however I aim to do something though again I'm feeling a little unmotivated or unfazed by the loss of time again.

any thoughts please share, thanks

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ps: I posted this then went back to see how many days of E2 I had done before (its all in this post) and I thought i had only reached 42 days but I had actually listened for 78days without any results at all.

I recall how this led to many doubts and confusions and how some on here were perturbed by my incessant questioning however I didn't let those individuals faze me, i simply had to reflect and work out what worked or not.

What I now realised is why i have restarted and that is that my laptop couldnt play the US even though its a 2015 macbook pro and that I needed to get into a place of 8hours a day of US atleast which is what I'm doing now.

However from reading some journals today (BY CHANCE which may be E2 directing me) I realise its vitally important to try and get 1 hour of masked with headphones listened daily too.

I have no idea how I'm going to do this, as Masked is boring as well as interfering when I sit to watch or listen to a video or music etc.

The only solution I seem to have is to listen to masked when i walk around my apartment to cut and clean etc which is rare lol or to try and listen when studying, instead of listening to music.

So now that I've put this here to remind me, its a new goal, to try to get 1 hour of masked a day with headphones but its not something I'm going to beat myself over if I can't - wish me luck!