DMSI 2.3 - Day 3
Noticed I began to form an ego right away after starting on DMSI and reading AM post. On E2 I'm not even supposed to be too sexy or dominant or even get noticed, so I can just be and not care too much. Running a sub to be sexy takes me back to comparisons - thoughts of estimating how sexy other people are, and talking shit in my mind about bigger and better looking guys or girls who seem they might be superficial or stuck up (translation = girls who might judge me as too low quality for them wrt. to looks, status, etc., so I have to harden and reject them first to protect my ego). That's a shitty and unfulfilling way to live. Allowed myself to be as I was again, that helped.
Played 1 loop while at the gym, just to kind of bring the programming into that environment and not just limit it to my bedroom when I'm all alone. Afterwards when going home I got two very quick smiles from females when I wasn't expecting it and definitely did not smile at them either before or after because I was feeling tired and somewhat anxious. Who cares, but it was odd to me.
Still no extra boners. Maybe I'm just too tired.
I'm not at all committed to running DMSI yet. My values are different from 5 months ago, and the 5.5G selection is still quite limited (2 items). Gotta do something until AM7 arrives, though. I'm thinking of doing what Raz is doing because work is 80% of what I actually do.. but that whole slightly aggressive, smirking, sexy, powerful feeling and sense of direction is just such a big part of the me that I most enjoy that it'd feel odd to not try to develop that. To what end, status, money, things? For the feeling of it, mostly. But its ruined if it turns to anger and comparison, which imo is resistance (ego resists the reality, wanting to be greater than observations would allow). Don't DMSI to reinstall that never-ending craving for new conquests, though. Probably won't, since its based on insecurity.
Noticed I began to form an ego right away after starting on DMSI and reading AM post. On E2 I'm not even supposed to be too sexy or dominant or even get noticed, so I can just be and not care too much. Running a sub to be sexy takes me back to comparisons - thoughts of estimating how sexy other people are, and talking shit in my mind about bigger and better looking guys or girls who seem they might be superficial or stuck up (translation = girls who might judge me as too low quality for them wrt. to looks, status, etc., so I have to harden and reject them first to protect my ego). That's a shitty and unfulfilling way to live. Allowed myself to be as I was again, that helped.
Played 1 loop while at the gym, just to kind of bring the programming into that environment and not just limit it to my bedroom when I'm all alone. Afterwards when going home I got two very quick smiles from females when I wasn't expecting it and definitely did not smile at them either before or after because I was feeling tired and somewhat anxious. Who cares, but it was odd to me.
Still no extra boners. Maybe I'm just too tired.
I'm not at all committed to running DMSI yet. My values are different from 5 months ago, and the 5.5G selection is still quite limited (2 items). Gotta do something until AM7 arrives, though. I'm thinking of doing what Raz is doing because work is 80% of what I actually do.. but that whole slightly aggressive, smirking, sexy, powerful feeling and sense of direction is just such a big part of the me that I most enjoy that it'd feel odd to not try to develop that. To what end, status, money, things? For the feeling of it, mostly. But its ruined if it turns to anger and comparison, which imo is resistance (ego resists the reality, wanting to be greater than observations would allow). Don't DMSI to reinstall that never-ending craving for new conquests, though. Probably won't, since its based on insecurity.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
