JAKE'S EHPRA 2.0

[Jake2015]

Day 24 - June 30th 2016

Hey everyone

Well it has been many days since my last update.

As most of you will or should know, I am a student in Europe and originally am from the UK.

Sadly the stupid people of the UK voted wrongly in leaving the EU but thats another story for another thread in perhaps another forum on planet Earth haha

Anyway back to me, myself and I

So let me progress from the moment that I left the last thread.

I continued to listen on average 19hours a day.

I haven't made any written notes these are from memory and what has stood out.

Nothing had changed, I was still having dreams here and there and listening mainly/predominantly from the speakers of my laptop.

So during the last week of June, I finished and went back to the UK.

There I took my laptop and I didn't worry about the hours of listening. I knew that this being a 5.5G and knowing of how others vary in their listening times meant that I could get away with listening less for a brief vocation/holiday/siesta back home.

What I realised was that on the plane, I felt very little nerves or anxiety. Normally perhaps on occasions I would feel anxiety simply by being in a new environment however this time I didn't feel it.

I did wonder if this is or was due to either the breath of fresh air of not having exams, or the feeling of accomplishment of having passed the majority of them. I also felt that perhaps it was due to simply my ego making me feel I have a path finally in life in this degree and thus nothing more to ever worry about. I also did wonder if it was the sub of course.

I had some appointments to keep when I was in the UK.

These were with doctors and other healthcare professionals dealing with muscular issues I have had to deal with for some years however at all those appointments there was no sense of anxiety or panic or dread. I did still wonder why.

I woke some mornings having known that I had dreamed.

I was listening perhaps 5hours a day maybe 6hours rather than the usual 8+ that I had been doing.

On 1 particular night, I had a dream which I can only call a nightmare or became a nightmare. I am superstitious and so do not want to describe the dream in its entirety however the dream from what I recall started as normal nothing to fear, but then the ending was of a dog approaching and then wide mouth jumping towards me to bite/attack me (darn I just revealed the dream after all haha).

At the moment the dog leaped towards me and nearly reached me, I woke. I woke and was surprised however I won't forget the end scene. That is actually all I remember of the dream.

Was this EPRHA?? Can anyone answer and help me??

There were moments and instances when I felt also quick tempered towards my family or members of my family. Either quick tempered or frustration at their stupidity, what I mean is that I would quickly feel exasperated by a comment or a move they made that made me wonder at their common sense. This is the only way I can describe this, its perhaps a superiority complex? Whatever it is it happened and emerged within me and I disliked it.

I didn't react and get argumentative, maybe I expressed my anger or annoyance at 1 time or another however I hated myself for it and felt terrible and guilty.

I value each and every member of my family, and no matter how much I do for them it can never ever make up for all they do and have done for me. All that I am however little is due to them and for me to yet have this short temper, even though it wasn't huge upset me.

I guess now I realised that I wanted or assumed EPRHA would have helped me with this, because during these moments I wondered to myself "EPRHA where are you"

Due to this, I felt more doubt towards the working or effect of this sub upon me

On the flight back, which was a few days ago (yes it was a short trip), I did feel some anxiety again on the plane.

Since being back, I have felt that I am self conscious of my weight and image after all and thus seeing a beautiful woman near me made me feel that anxiety us men feel.

I didn't want to feel this at all and thought there would be a change in me and yet there isn't.

In the UK, I recall not feeling so much anxiety around insects and flying bees etc.

I am back here now in Europe, and today felt the anxiety due to seeing a spider outside my balcony and concerned at any bees flying in. A fly flew in and I was ready to fight it with all my might haha.

I have only missed 1 day of listening and that was due to my flight back to Europe.

Since being back I believe I managed perhaps 6-8hours so far a day and today maybe 12hours via speakers.

I haven't yet set the play at night simply as I wanted to gauge everyones advice here and insight.

I have no idea what to think and really need your experience and insight to help me understand the way forward.

thank you

In the meantime I will listen until you all reply and help me. I hope you all will. thank you