Day 95
^^Thought that should go in my journal. Going to try and post light posts every now and then so hopefully I'll see some patterns later on.
I got inspired to go the gym! Its a been months since last time. That's because I got interested in doing calisthenics at home, then just daily light dumbbells+calisthenics+jogging for general health. Low cost in both money and time. But the gym feels inspiring again; its something goal oriented. I've also let myself get the fattest I'll allow myself to go (max waist diameter), so I'll have to start cutting down as well. Some sort of IF works well for me. I have allowed myself to eat quite a lot with E2. Maybe that should even be addressed in a future version, since people use eating for comfort and distraction.
I have been looking a little into active/concentration meditation again. (Basically just being very/fully engaged in some single thing.) The problem I had before was that I was straining too hard when doing it, and it got me in a bad mood. THIS seems like a good article for fixing just that. Though mostly I find myself just trying to make energy flow up my spine and back down along with my breath (the microcosmic orbit, I believe it was). Makes me feel good; energizes me a little when I'm sitting in a bus or something. All kinds of very interesting light sensations can be had reliably when 'breathing into' specific spots. I'll want to read a book about chakras or something soon. Though I'm not going to be doing that much in any day, so I guess I should decide to do either concentration or 'energy work' or whatever it is.
Female relations... well I'll say with the ones that know me they're very good (either very friendly or sexual, gf is very open), but if I had to approach new women I feel I couldn't do it in a million years. Though I guess I would if I had to. Actually I only want to talk to friendly people, regardless of gender. Also, everything seems like a bit of a (light) struggle recently so that might affect it.
E: I've been thinking I must be processing some victim mentality issues. Everything feels a little overwhelming or impossible, but not so much that I couldn't make myself do stuff. That's also what I felt when I last stopped using E2 day a couple of days (to try AOSI).
(06-16-2016, 05:04 AM)LionKing Wrote: Anyway, I tried to experiment with lesser hours just now, but... like Ben said, as soon as it feels like some emotions are coming or something's being processed I'm like "I FOUND YOU - TAKE THIS!" and bump up the hours as high as I can. Didn't affect me much until after 2 days or so, and then I got seriously tired, not feeling inspired to do anything no matter how much I slept. (yes, its always the eyes for me. I can't keep myself from rubbing them and then they feel even worse.) I'm about recovered now, and the tendency is to increase the hours until I overdo it again. Should take the delay into account.
Also, as Pau Ko apparently does the 2 hours per day in about 30 minute segments spread throughout the day, I'm trying something like that. I.e. listen for the whole night, and then 30-66 min segments throughout the day.
And Ben, its the same for me wrt. journaling. A couple of times I've had something to post, then I've written a long post, but when I look at it I'm thinking its too personal. Also now that I've written it (journaled for myself), I'm already 'done', as in what do I get from posting this personal thing that nobody understands with the proper background anyway - and then I discard it and just forget about it.
^^Thought that should go in my journal. Going to try and post light posts every now and then so hopefully I'll see some patterns later on.
I got inspired to go the gym! Its a been months since last time. That's because I got interested in doing calisthenics at home, then just daily light dumbbells+calisthenics+jogging for general health. Low cost in both money and time. But the gym feels inspiring again; its something goal oriented. I've also let myself get the fattest I'll allow myself to go (max waist diameter), so I'll have to start cutting down as well. Some sort of IF works well for me. I have allowed myself to eat quite a lot with E2. Maybe that should even be addressed in a future version, since people use eating for comfort and distraction.
I have been looking a little into active/concentration meditation again. (Basically just being very/fully engaged in some single thing.) The problem I had before was that I was straining too hard when doing it, and it got me in a bad mood. THIS seems like a good article for fixing just that. Though mostly I find myself just trying to make energy flow up my spine and back down along with my breath (the microcosmic orbit, I believe it was). Makes me feel good; energizes me a little when I'm sitting in a bus or something. All kinds of very interesting light sensations can be had reliably when 'breathing into' specific spots. I'll want to read a book about chakras or something soon. Though I'm not going to be doing that much in any day, so I guess I should decide to do either concentration or 'energy work' or whatever it is.
Female relations... well I'll say with the ones that know me they're very good (either very friendly or sexual, gf is very open), but if I had to approach new women I feel I couldn't do it in a million years. Though I guess I would if I had to. Actually I only want to talk to friendly people, regardless of gender. Also, everything seems like a bit of a (light) struggle recently so that might affect it.
E: I've been thinking I must be processing some victim mentality issues. Everything feels a little overwhelming or impossible, but not so much that I couldn't make myself do stuff. That's also what I felt when I last stopped using E2 day a couple of days (to try AOSI).
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
