04-04-2016, 10:46 AM
Mr. Maximus, stop manifesting weirdness again :P
Day 30
My Girl spent the night and was exposed to the program for the second night. Normally she'll be exposed to the US track of whatever program I'm running atm for a few hours a week, and then I'll use sleep phones normally when were sleeping. But I've been wanting her to get a bit more EPRHA as well, so I left the US track on for the night. Result: when morning came she was quiet and a bit far away in the bed. It was already late so I forced myself up (tired as hell) took a cold shower, did a little calisthenics to get the blood pumping and made coffee. What she did was pull the blanket over her head and fortify herself ever further in the bed. So I thought, ok, might as well bring the mugs of coffee and water to bed and have a quick browse at the forum there. She still won't come out under the bed and says nothing for a few minutes, until she comes out looking a sad lost puppy in the rain. She said "do you ever have this feeling like the world's going to end today, even though there's no reason it would? :(". That made me smile inside. Kinda bad too, but of course I knew nothing was wrong. I was a bit surprised how good at grounding I am now, because I actually guided her out of that surprisingly fast. Felt like I was sort of doing it to myself, but I was doing it to her instead. Made me think of David Deida; I think he wrote something to the effect that masculine energy is like a stone, and it grounds feminine energy.
Anyway, apparently she's been seeing a lot of dreams since last week when I also played the program through the night on my phone. She said she'd even stay awake (at least) one night dreading to go to sleep again, for the dreams. Idk if I should play it anymore when she's around. I thought it'd be good, but it might be that it only triggers the digging up of negative stuff, and then she's left to deal with it herself. Not that she made a big deal out of it, she never does. Just laughed about it.
Discussed an issue with my manager. He gets very tight about some things and has this strong tendency to confuse, resist, and mix things up. Feels like stress and wanting to control, and misdirection and hurry wrapped into a nice bundle running in every direction at once, then asserting something confusing. A colleague of mine has been been discussing the same issue with him and it has resulted in blatant childish behavior and bad blood. Its like I have to ground my boss too if I want to have things move forward.
Also, just realized I've been looking at attachments wrong. E.g. this weekend I was out and I had such good reactions that I knew I had some attachments to those. So I looked at them as wanting approval, imagining though this lens of "please like me" and then trying to feel that, but it didn't feel quite right. But now I realized its not that negative energy I'm attached, its the positive experience and feeling. So, there were times when I was feeling great and smiling with people. Now imagining that, its feeling good and then wanting to hold on to that feeling and keep feeling it now and in the future - wanting control. This felt instantly right, and when I let go it felt like the good feeling wasn't held into this one place and image of a person anymore; it was free to spread all over. Did this with a couple other good memories too, and it feels right.
Doing that, had a new understanding of grief. Let's say there's a he/she/it in your life. Maybe you're living with him/her/it, and in time there are many good events that unfold. They're good things, so naturally you hold onto those good things, wanting to remember them and keep feeling them. Then, for any reason, you can't ever again see or be with him/her/it again. Because all those good feelings are tied up in those memories with him/her/it, and he/she/it is gone, they're blocked to you. So in effect, you just lost a part of yourself. I'm sure it doesn't really work like this, but imagine your body being able to hold 1000 drops of grade A positive emotions at once. Now, if you've bound 857 of those drops in specific places and they're stored up in some tissue, then there's only 143 drops floating around. Releasing them from the tissues gets you back to 1000 drops circulating. Anyway, I never come to mental masturbation either, so that's it for today.
Day 30
My Girl spent the night and was exposed to the program for the second night. Normally she'll be exposed to the US track of whatever program I'm running atm for a few hours a week, and then I'll use sleep phones normally when were sleeping. But I've been wanting her to get a bit more EPRHA as well, so I left the US track on for the night. Result: when morning came she was quiet and a bit far away in the bed. It was already late so I forced myself up (tired as hell) took a cold shower, did a little calisthenics to get the blood pumping and made coffee. What she did was pull the blanket over her head and fortify herself ever further in the bed. So I thought, ok, might as well bring the mugs of coffee and water to bed and have a quick browse at the forum there. She still won't come out under the bed and says nothing for a few minutes, until she comes out looking a sad lost puppy in the rain. She said "do you ever have this feeling like the world's going to end today, even though there's no reason it would? :(". That made me smile inside. Kinda bad too, but of course I knew nothing was wrong. I was a bit surprised how good at grounding I am now, because I actually guided her out of that surprisingly fast. Felt like I was sort of doing it to myself, but I was doing it to her instead. Made me think of David Deida; I think he wrote something to the effect that masculine energy is like a stone, and it grounds feminine energy.
Anyway, apparently she's been seeing a lot of dreams since last week when I also played the program through the night on my phone. She said she'd even stay awake (at least) one night dreading to go to sleep again, for the dreams. Idk if I should play it anymore when she's around. I thought it'd be good, but it might be that it only triggers the digging up of negative stuff, and then she's left to deal with it herself. Not that she made a big deal out of it, she never does. Just laughed about it.
Discussed an issue with my manager. He gets very tight about some things and has this strong tendency to confuse, resist, and mix things up. Feels like stress and wanting to control, and misdirection and hurry wrapped into a nice bundle running in every direction at once, then asserting something confusing. A colleague of mine has been been discussing the same issue with him and it has resulted in blatant childish behavior and bad blood. Its like I have to ground my boss too if I want to have things move forward.
Also, just realized I've been looking at attachments wrong. E.g. this weekend I was out and I had such good reactions that I knew I had some attachments to those. So I looked at them as wanting approval, imagining though this lens of "please like me" and then trying to feel that, but it didn't feel quite right. But now I realized its not that negative energy I'm attached, its the positive experience and feeling. So, there were times when I was feeling great and smiling with people. Now imagining that, its feeling good and then wanting to hold on to that feeling and keep feeling it now and in the future - wanting control. This felt instantly right, and when I let go it felt like the good feeling wasn't held into this one place and image of a person anymore; it was free to spread all over. Did this with a couple other good memories too, and it feels right.
Doing that, had a new understanding of grief. Let's say there's a he/she/it in your life. Maybe you're living with him/her/it, and in time there are many good events that unfold. They're good things, so naturally you hold onto those good things, wanting to remember them and keep feeling them. Then, for any reason, you can't ever again see or be with him/her/it again. Because all those good feelings are tied up in those memories with him/her/it, and he/she/it is gone, they're blocked to you. So in effect, you just lost a part of yourself. I'm sure it doesn't really work like this, but imagine your body being able to hold 1000 drops of grade A positive emotions at once. Now, if you've bound 857 of those drops in specific places and they're stored up in some tissue, then there's only 143 drops floating around. Releasing them from the tissues gets you back to 1000 drops circulating. Anyway, I never come to mental masturbation either, so that's it for today.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
