04-02-2016, 11:28 AM
Observing my reactions and remembering stuff, I'm thinking most of what I've labeled in myself as social anxiety - and thought was stemming from fear - is based on wanting approval. The anxiety symptoms then arise because of stress, and wanting to control the situation and my reactions (wanting approval again). There are some situations where I actually do feel wanting to be safe (fearful), but this low-key social anxiety isn't it. I've had this feeling that its not fear for a long time, but couldn't really place it anywhere else. And yes, one could always say its fear of disapproval or something, but that's the same as wanting approval. It doesn't feel like something dangerous would happen if I were to not get it; it feels more like I want it, but I know I'm probably not going to have it, so I try to use force to change the situation and myself so that I would - without knowing how to do it. This causes stress and pinging off the environment.
I'm thinking porn also conditions this. As all media that places beautiful women as sex goddesses, with the implication that we are nothing if we can't get them. But I really felt this yesterday as I was watching a bit of porn and was happy because I found many clips of just super super hot women I really liked - but damn was I disgusted about how I felt! "Oh she's so hot/great.. (I couldn't ever get that)". And that shame/regret thing that often comes after porn - I think its just this wanting approval of those goddess women in the clips, and then subconsciously knowing that they weren't really giving me approval, and they wouldn't in real life. Well, I do trust that I'm a great guy, but I mean they wouldn't show me instant attraction and approval in some glamorous social setting with plenty famous, high-status and manly porn stars around etc. And not having that ideal = not getting approval. I wanted to say that's guy Disney. So for women Disney would be the big fancy princess wedding, but for a guy it'd be this big pile of validation/approval of all the respect and attraction one should be getting in a party, think Tony Stark.
Anyway, feels empowering. And AM feels better and better.
I'm thinking porn also conditions this. As all media that places beautiful women as sex goddesses, with the implication that we are nothing if we can't get them. But I really felt this yesterday as I was watching a bit of porn and was happy because I found many clips of just super super hot women I really liked - but damn was I disgusted about how I felt! "Oh she's so hot/great.. (I couldn't ever get that)". And that shame/regret thing that often comes after porn - I think its just this wanting approval of those goddess women in the clips, and then subconsciously knowing that they weren't really giving me approval, and they wouldn't in real life. Well, I do trust that I'm a great guy, but I mean they wouldn't show me instant attraction and approval in some glamorous social setting with plenty famous, high-status and manly porn stars around etc. And not having that ideal = not getting approval. I wanted to say that's guy Disney. So for women Disney would be the big fancy princess wedding, but for a guy it'd be this big pile of validation/approval of all the respect and attraction one should be getting in a party, think Tony Stark.
Anyway, feels empowering. And AM feels better and better.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
