03-25-2016, 09:43 AM
@Blink: Thanks man!
@Sarge: Seems to me like you were wanting ("thought I should make small talk"), and that wanting blocked you from doing something naturally. Then you might think "well if I dropped the wanting I wouldn't get anything / nothing would happen", and that just underlines that its all about wanting something. I think this is sort of the same thing that I was saying in my post about being in a state of resistance (in my case angry, sad, wanting to make mum feel better, wanting to get mad at her, wanting to resolve it in the optimal way. In your case wanting to make something happen, wanting to have great social skills, to be able to spike attraction anytime, anywhere, and *insert more wants*). One just can't notice the natural options that are right there. If we can get that resistance cleared up to something like acceptance and love in that moment, then we might just casually notice the right thing to do. But if it were me with the kind of cashier you described ("she wasn't even attractive it was just a weird vibe"), and I'm honest, the natural thing to do would probably be to make light funny remark or two and continue with my day, ie. nothing would happen. If I think of this through the "getting girls lens" then this is bad, because you're supposed to be at least honing your skills and pushing everything. But I wouldn't really want anything with that cashier, so why would I need to feel bad about not doing it? And even doing it would kinda make me feel bad at some level, because I'd be faking it, or putting on a persona.
I don't have any answers, but I'm just getting really put off placing myself in those kinds of wanting scenarios. Its all just marketing. RSD is marketing. EDM is marketing. Cool cars and motorcycles are marketing. Success is marketing and sex is marketing. Love is marketing and any imagery we might aspire to is marketing. Especially beautiful women are marketing. I'm thinking there is good fun to be had in all those things, but the imagery/vision, and the desire to have that image and the lack that accompanies it, is marketing. But then how the fuck am I supposed to break out and live outside that marketing when everyone else around me is fully engaged in it. But then what do I want so badly that I'd need those other people to accept my ideas about this? Do I already have it all.. and if I do, then now what? But its cool, I'm actually feeling really good just now.
Day 19
Came back home from meeting my parents. It was good. Just realized that my father said next to nothing - and I didn't bother me at all! I noticed it, but I didn't stress about needing somehow be the one who'd make some sort of connection to not have it be so weird, but.. yeah, just didn't think of it.
Finished "not giving a fuck", trying to get into journaling so I made a list of what do I generally want right now before I can happy. 15 items came up. Its all so normal that I'm almost ashamed of not being more interesting. Job, money, women, vacations, envy towards someone, want to do something meaningful, to be admired, and to figure everything out and really choose the absolute best way to live my life. Of course I'd be really boring after I knew everything, but whatever. Started reading Lester Levenson's autobiography. Seems very EPRHA at first glance. I'm still eating tons of potato chips, seems like I can't help myself.
@Sarge: Seems to me like you were wanting ("thought I should make small talk"), and that wanting blocked you from doing something naturally. Then you might think "well if I dropped the wanting I wouldn't get anything / nothing would happen", and that just underlines that its all about wanting something. I think this is sort of the same thing that I was saying in my post about being in a state of resistance (in my case angry, sad, wanting to make mum feel better, wanting to get mad at her, wanting to resolve it in the optimal way. In your case wanting to make something happen, wanting to have great social skills, to be able to spike attraction anytime, anywhere, and *insert more wants*). One just can't notice the natural options that are right there. If we can get that resistance cleared up to something like acceptance and love in that moment, then we might just casually notice the right thing to do. But if it were me with the kind of cashier you described ("she wasn't even attractive it was just a weird vibe"), and I'm honest, the natural thing to do would probably be to make light funny remark or two and continue with my day, ie. nothing would happen. If I think of this through the "getting girls lens" then this is bad, because you're supposed to be at least honing your skills and pushing everything. But I wouldn't really want anything with that cashier, so why would I need to feel bad about not doing it? And even doing it would kinda make me feel bad at some level, because I'd be faking it, or putting on a persona.
I don't have any answers, but I'm just getting really put off placing myself in those kinds of wanting scenarios. Its all just marketing. RSD is marketing. EDM is marketing. Cool cars and motorcycles are marketing. Success is marketing and sex is marketing. Love is marketing and any imagery we might aspire to is marketing. Especially beautiful women are marketing. I'm thinking there is good fun to be had in all those things, but the imagery/vision, and the desire to have that image and the lack that accompanies it, is marketing. But then how the fuck am I supposed to break out and live outside that marketing when everyone else around me is fully engaged in it. But then what do I want so badly that I'd need those other people to accept my ideas about this? Do I already have it all.. and if I do, then now what? But its cool, I'm actually feeling really good just now.
Day 19
Came back home from meeting my parents. It was good. Just realized that my father said next to nothing - and I didn't bother me at all! I noticed it, but I didn't stress about needing somehow be the one who'd make some sort of connection to not have it be so weird, but.. yeah, just didn't think of it.
Finished "not giving a fuck", trying to get into journaling so I made a list of what do I generally want right now before I can happy. 15 items came up. Its all so normal that I'm almost ashamed of not being more interesting. Job, money, women, vacations, envy towards someone, want to do something meaningful, to be admired, and to figure everything out and really choose the absolute best way to live my life. Of course I'd be really boring after I knew everything, but whatever. Started reading Lester Levenson's autobiography. Seems very EPRHA at first glance. I'm still eating tons of potato chips, seems like I can't help myself.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
