03-15-2016, 05:55 AM
After sitting on those last thoughts for a while I realized some of those realizations came from a scarcity mentality when it comes to money. I've never been too motivated by money and it's really important for me to find something that I feel is fulfilling. Otherwise I feel like I'm wasting hours of my life collecting paper. But society would have you believe money is the ultimate goal.
When it comes down to it, I'm pretty sure I'm still battling with fear. Caught between making the safe decisions vs the right ones. At least now my temptation to give into the safe decisions isn't as strong and I trust my gut instincts more. I take back what I said about following your passion. I think if you want it bad enough and you don't let fear get in your way, you can do it. Regardless of what others say. And they'll say a bunch of stuff because they're operating out of a limited view of what reality is. For a while I thought I was just being smart and weighing out the potential risks vs benefits of going after difficult stuff, but there's nothing smart about giving into fear and believing you won't make it before you even try. This is how fear likes to hide for me. Under the guise of being a rational and "realistic" person. But there are some base needs that are necessary. A roof over my head and food on my plate, but beyond that the sky is the limit and anything else is just a limiting belief about why something can't be done.
In the meantime I'm still trying to get a job. I'm still struggling with that a bit but it's getting better. I think the biggest problem is my past experience in retail being horrible and that left a lasting impression on me. So now I view a lot of those retail jobs through the filter of it being a horrible experience. I try and keep an open mind but those types of jobs are constantly filled with gossip, favoritism, and pettiness that I'd rather do without in my life. Now I can't tell if it's fear preventing me from going through with it and getting a job there or my instincts kicking in and advising me not to put myself in that situation. If it came down to it, I'd rather be able to put up with a crappy situation and be somewhat financially secure rather than avoid it in hopes of finding something better and having the anxiety of not having money loom over my head.
When it comes down to it, I'm pretty sure I'm still battling with fear. Caught between making the safe decisions vs the right ones. At least now my temptation to give into the safe decisions isn't as strong and I trust my gut instincts more. I take back what I said about following your passion. I think if you want it bad enough and you don't let fear get in your way, you can do it. Regardless of what others say. And they'll say a bunch of stuff because they're operating out of a limited view of what reality is. For a while I thought I was just being smart and weighing out the potential risks vs benefits of going after difficult stuff, but there's nothing smart about giving into fear and believing you won't make it before you even try. This is how fear likes to hide for me. Under the guise of being a rational and "realistic" person. But there are some base needs that are necessary. A roof over my head and food on my plate, but beyond that the sky is the limit and anything else is just a limiting belief about why something can't be done.
In the meantime I'm still trying to get a job. I'm still struggling with that a bit but it's getting better. I think the biggest problem is my past experience in retail being horrible and that left a lasting impression on me. So now I view a lot of those retail jobs through the filter of it being a horrible experience. I try and keep an open mind but those types of jobs are constantly filled with gossip, favoritism, and pettiness that I'd rather do without in my life. Now I can't tell if it's fear preventing me from going through with it and getting a job there or my instincts kicking in and advising me not to put myself in that situation. If it came down to it, I'd rather be able to put up with a crappy situation and be somewhat financially secure rather than avoid it in hopes of finding something better and having the anxiety of not having money loom over my head.
