'chocolat' lol, had to look that up for later use 
Anyway, I didn't watch a second of it since she cancelled. Texted me early in the day and had a reason, so whatever. Instead I went out for a beer with a friend, and then an old mltr called to have a quick drink with her, so I did that too. Looks like they're coming out of the woodworks all suddenly. Anyway, she's in a relationship but good to see her. She expressed a lot of appreciation for my personal traits, while not seeming too happy with her guy, but yeah they're like that. Only had the one drink and then went home to eat a sack of crap like I planned to.
Had some social anxiety yesterday while I was out and there were mostly men around. Looking for attachments, I found the biggest ones to be the need to look out for hot babes, and the need to look cool. Of course when I had them clear in my mind it wasn't so easy to let them go, and then I'd act weird because my focus was off of what I was doing. Baby steps.
Leaving to visit my fwb soon. I'm having some fear of loss coming up since me and G1 usually see each other once, or sometimes twice, a week, but now we haven't texted about this weekend at all - so that'd make it two weeks of radio silence until next weekend. I feel this need that I should text her smt like "can't make it this weekend, but how's your next week?" and maybe sugar it up with doing smt extra fun next time, or else I'll lose her. Classic neediness, and I can feel it too. Strategically, we've been doing so well lately that its most likely just a good thing to be away for a while. And besides, shouldn't make any actions from these sort of feelings (lack). I'll just imagine us breaking apart and look into what comes up. She is absolutely awesome, but fear of loss tied in with guilt isn't any more 'love' than actual appreciation and feeling I want her to be well, is. I can, and do, do 'soft' stuff, but I want to make sure its because of the latter and not the former. So, not yet.
E: On ASC I had Mighty Wings and Danger Zone playing in my mind on constant repeat, but now these last days its been Everything burns (Moody + Anastacia). Kinda fitting to how my mood's been like.
Anyway, I didn't watch a second of it since she cancelled. Texted me early in the day and had a reason, so whatever. Instead I went out for a beer with a friend, and then an old mltr called to have a quick drink with her, so I did that too. Looks like they're coming out of the woodworks all suddenly. Anyway, she's in a relationship but good to see her. She expressed a lot of appreciation for my personal traits, while not seeming too happy with her guy, but yeah they're like that. Only had the one drink and then went home to eat a sack of crap like I planned to.
Had some social anxiety yesterday while I was out and there were mostly men around. Looking for attachments, I found the biggest ones to be the need to look out for hot babes, and the need to look cool. Of course when I had them clear in my mind it wasn't so easy to let them go, and then I'd act weird because my focus was off of what I was doing. Baby steps.
Leaving to visit my fwb soon. I'm having some fear of loss coming up since me and G1 usually see each other once, or sometimes twice, a week, but now we haven't texted about this weekend at all - so that'd make it two weeks of radio silence until next weekend. I feel this need that I should text her smt like "can't make it this weekend, but how's your next week?" and maybe sugar it up with doing smt extra fun next time, or else I'll lose her. Classic neediness, and I can feel it too. Strategically, we've been doing so well lately that its most likely just a good thing to be away for a while. And besides, shouldn't make any actions from these sort of feelings (lack). I'll just imagine us breaking apart and look into what comes up. She is absolutely awesome, but fear of loss tied in with guilt isn't any more 'love' than actual appreciation and feeling I want her to be well, is. I can, and do, do 'soft' stuff, but I want to make sure its because of the latter and not the former. So, not yet.
E: On ASC I had Mighty Wings and Danger Zone playing in my mind on constant repeat, but now these last days its been Everything burns (Moody + Anastacia). Kinda fitting to how my mood's been like.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
