EP E3 Journal

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks Greenduck. That helped. Truth is, I don't know what I need. I suppose I should make a priorityof meditation. That ought to help...

Thank you for your good advice.

[Greenduck]

Thanks Greenduck. That helped. Truth is, I don't know what I need. I suppose I should make a priorityof meditation. That ought to help...

Thank you for your good advice.

If you haven't gone through life learning what you need, let that journey start now then. I discover every day things that I want or need. It's a journey of self exploration. When our buckets are full, we have more to share with others, but if we never know how large our bucket is or how it looks, we don't know what or how much to give to others (or even how - the best way to give, as we don't know how to give to ourselves - to know yourself is to know others).

Good idea to integrate it into the meditation. Happy to help.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 27:

Same old struggles with guilt and shame. I think I may have a strong resistance to this program. I hope not too strong.

[Greenduck]

Day 27:

Same old struggles with guilt and shame. I think I may have a strong resistance to this program. I hope not too strong.

Hi man

Look up sacral and solar plexus chakra healing meditations on YouTube, preferably someone with chanting (eg healing camp). Those two chakras get blocked with shame and guilt and maybe it can assist you letting go of those emotions.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Alright, I'll do that. Thanks.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 28:

I've got so many faulty beliefs and perceptions going on under the hood, and they're all based on the same overall notion: "I'm not good enough" I'd like to say I've corrected these faulty perceptions but I haven't, and the guilt and shame doesn't help. And that's where I'm at. I am resisting E3 hard I think. Because the truth is, E3 can't change that fundamental misconception that I'm not good enough. And I can't seem to convince myself that I am either. So I think I'm stonewalling the program. I dunno, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's doing more than I think, but I just feel like I'm too full of guilt and shame and this notion that I'm not good enough to let the program execute. I'm still running it though, hoping that in time, the program will work on me. But the stuff it;s working on is so deep, so layered and so fundamental that it could take years to unravel it all. I shouldn't have expected some sort of magic pill. Even E3, as powerful as it is, isn't such a miracle worker that it can change me in a month. It needs more time. Far more time. And I need to confront that faulty programming, but I guess I don't want to or something. I dunno. All's I know is, I won't be different over night. It'll probably be a good while before my tune begins to change. I look back at my past and it pains me what I look back on. My present is filled with guilt, shame and pain. My future is probably a longer way off than I wanted, but things take time. That's all I've got for now. And I'll probably be carrying that same tune for a while. That's just the way it is. Thank you all for your support. I'm sorry if I ever took it for granted or didn't listen to you. Anyway, that's all for now.

[Shannon]

Day 28:

I've got so many faulty beliefs and perceptions going on under the hood, and they're all based on the same overall notion: "I'm not good enough" I'd like to say I've corrected these faulty perceptions but I haven't, and the guilt and shame doesn't help. And that's where I'm at. I am resisting E3 hard I think. Because the truth is, E3 can't change that fundamental misconception that I'm not good enough.

This is demonstrably false.  To wit: Why would you have to resist the sub if it could not make those changes without you working to stop it from succeeding?  The truth is, your subconscious is trying to stop the program from working, which means it is working, or there would be nothing to stop, resist, prevent.  And it's simultaneously trying to convince you that "the truth is, E3 can't change that fundamental misconception that I'm not good enough."

But this is false.  It is a lie being told to your conscious mind by your subconscious mind to confuse and mislead you into cooperating against your own growth and achievement of progress.  And the subconscious only ever pulls out tactics like that when the subliminal is definitely going to succeed without a major fight.  

Think about it.  If it has to resort to lies and self delusion, what does that say about how powerful and effective the program actually is?

And I can't seem to convince myself that I am either. So I think I'm stonewalling the program.

Some part of you is certainly trying to stop the progress it is making.  Stonewalling is when you get no results.  You are obviously getting results, or your subconscious wouldn't have to attempt self deception and self delusion to try to achieve status quo in the face of the effects of this program.

 I dunno, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's doing more than I think, but I just feel like I'm too full of guilt and shame and this notion that I'm not good enough to let the program execute. I'm still running it though, hoping that in time, the program will work on me. 

It is working on you.  You're experiencing a reaction by the subconscious that means the program has hit a nerve, and the subconscious is trying to un-do the effects and then convince you consciously that there were no effects so you'll give up using the program.

But the stuff it;s working on is so deep, so layered and so fundamental that it could take years to unravel it all.

 

This is a beautiful example of a false idea that your subconscious is trying to get your conscious to believe so you'll lose hope and give up using the program.  The truth is, the subconscious is trying everything it can think of to get you to stop using this program because it is absolutely terrified that if you keep using it, it will not be able to stop the changes that it sees taking place under the hood.  The truth is, it could take weeks or months instead of years to unravel what needs to be unraveled, as you put it.

I shouldn't have expected some sort of magic pill. Even E3, as powerful as it is, isn't such a miracle worker that it can change me in a month. It needs more time. Far more time.

 

How do you know that?  E3 isn't a magic pill, that is true.  But how much of this is just you trying to convince yourself that it's going to take so long that you might as well give up?  Stop using it?  Give yourself excuses to not achieve the results, or do so so slowly that it's a never ending battle?  You don't need a miracle.  You need to change your faulty subconscious beliefs.  And those beliefs are currently under threat of change by you running E3.  I know that because why else would you be trying so hard all of a sudden to convince yourself that and believe it's not working in ways that scream self deception?  You don't react like that to a threat that isn't there.  In this case, you're reacting at the subconscious level to the "threat" of healing and clearing the guilt, shame, fear and low self worth issues you have.

Now ask yourself... WHY am I fighting so hard to keep these issues?  Keep asking why until you consciously understand.

And I need to confront that faulty programming, but I guess I don't want to or something. I dunno. All's I know is, I won't be different over night. It'll probably be a good while before my tune begins to change.

If that is what you choose to believe, then that is what you choose to act on and experience, and that will make it true.  But it is just an excuse to take long enough that your subconscious can convince you to give up in the face of what looks like defeat, which is really, the program is working.  Which is why the subconscious response is... lies and self delusion.

I look back at my past and it pains me what I look back on. My present is filled with guilt, shame and pain. My future is probably a longer way off than I wanted, but things take time. That's all I've got for now. And I'll probably be carrying that same tune for a while. That's just the way it is. Thank you all for your support. I'm sorry if I ever took it for granted or didn't listen to you. Anyway, that's all for now.

I'm noticing that you keep repeating the negatives, and the "I'll have this for a long time" line.  Like that's what you want to believe, and you have to talk yourself into it.

Why would you have to talk yourself into believing that if it was true?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks Shannon. That's a very encouraging post to read. I hope it only takes weeks or months to work past this hurdle. I'm glad I'm not stonewalling. I'll keep using as directed. I won't give up on using this program. Not that I was planning to. Thank you.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 29:

Feeling alright today so far. Running the program a couple extra times just to give it more juice.

[Shannon]

If you're going to do that, you might as well run it "as needed in the moment" as well.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 31:

Fee;ing pretty good so far. just slept off a hangover cause a friend visited and we wentout for drinks yesterday. Feeling better now though.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 32:

Just went to see my job specialist today. Worked on my resume and interview questions. Going to eat and sign up for Fall classes at USF once I get home. My employment specialist says there's ways I can get experience locally without having to volunteer abroad, although I'm still thinking of joining the Peace Corps for a bit and getting some teaching experience abroad. Also just ran the E3 sub one more time, because I was starting to feel bad about my past again. I feel alright now.

[Shannon]

E3 in the moment is helpful for you, then?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Seems so. I dunno, maybe it's all in my head, but it seems like it helps.